DH's rose colored glasses
We had dinner out on Sat with DH's family. SS6 was being very loud and disruptive all through the meal and at the end of the night DH tells me it's all MIL's fault for enabling SS and encouraging the "don't give a fu*k about anyone else at the table or in the restaurant" attitude.
Thing is, DH only made very very minor attempts to get SS to quite down and each attempt was so half assed that I could see SS smirking while being ASKED (not told) to behave better. DH would rub his arm and call SS 'Buddy' while asking him to be quiet or stop doing something.. it was so infuriating to watch.
DH was frustrated towards the end and turned to me to complain that his Mom was enabling SS and I told him the HE was the parent and that he should have put a stop to the craziness right at the start of the meal. He was pissed... but whatever I don't care anymore. I was ashamed to be sitting at that table and felt so badly for the other patrons. And as usual none of this is on SS himself, he as usual is the innocent victim being lead along by the horrid Grandmother... ugg
I told DH that that will be the last family meal I go to for a long time 
The only logical way that I wold have handled it would have been to leave. That would have been a good consequence for SS as he loves all the special attention from his grand parents. He'd have cried his head off if he had to leave early.
Why are bio parents so blind when it comes to their kids? Why are they so quick to shift blame and not take responsibility themselves? The whole precious snowflake attitude is so annoying. I know bio's have a much higher tolerance level for their own kids, but when it's painfully obvious that the snowflake is being a total ass around others and then blame someone else for that behavior :? :? :?
Yes! That and also DH and GM
Yes!
That and also DH and GM have some sort of competition between them as to who SS likes the best and has more fun with. It's obvious sometimes and the most childish thing ever.
it's easier to point fingers
it's easier to point fingers and deflect than to actually parent and handle your own kids. Its easier to let everyone else to do the work. Some parents are lazy and non confrontational. Some parents allow their guilt to dictate how they manage their kids.
Yes, I'm just as guilty for
Yes, I'm just as guilty for sitting there and staying quiet. I chose to do that from past experience.. I'd say something and be the bad guy that nobody would back up. Without the bio (DH) supporting it's very difficult to discipline and enforce.
I now have the 'not my monkey, not my circus' mentality.
OHHH boy. Parents need to
OHHH boy. Parents need to act like parents, NOT their kids friends. Kids will have enough friends but only two parents. I sometimes feel like many of these divorced men feel so guilty over the divorce and that they want it to be fun at their house etc that they let all discipline go=( Time to nip this kind of behavior in the bud while the child is still young. How about one warning... " Hey little Jonny, you need to stop doing that. If you do not, we will leave and you will get no dinner.. !!"
All that being said.. this is your hubby's job. Maybe you and him speak about it together away from the kids and have a plan in place for next time the child acts up. Then put the plan in place next time you are out and the child acts up. BUT, you have to have a united front in front of the child.. Best of luck in your situation!!
Thank you. We had a long talk
Thank you.
We had a long talk last night, but DH is still trying to blame GM for some of this. He has agreed that if this happens again that he needs to end the bad behavior immediately by removing SS from the room and going home.
I stopped going out to eat
I stopped going out to eat with Chef and skids when the patrons wanted to burn us in effigy.
Skids (9,7 and 3) would climb on the table, lay down in the aisles to block the wait staff, order endless food on my dime, waste 3/4s of it, scream with laughter, slide under the table, turn around and stare at other patrons, blow milk through their noses, spit out food while chewing with their mouths open, etc.
All the while Chef would turn a blind eye or say half heartedly, "calm down, Buuuuddddyyy."
Of course Chef was pissed when I passed on going with them after having to mouth silently to patrons "they're not mine" after receiving the "do something to control your brats" hate stares from other patrons trying to enjoy their meals without being grossed out.
He felt I was ruining his vision of "one big happy family" (TM). If I attempted to teach them table manners, Chef became afraid that this would be an affront to the Girhippo so he quickly forbade it.
When he was left to deal with his ferals on his own, he quickly came home exhausted, but yet they were still "good kids." (eye roll)
Hell, an older patron at a LAUNDROMAT once told Chef that YSS, at the time 5 1/2, was being too loud.
Thank god, I wasn't there; I'm sure I would have agreed. Chef basically told the lady to mind her own business.
Every time we entered one of the big box home improvement stores, an announcement over the PA would come on telling parents to watch their children. They would routinely tear down the aisles either on foot or using a cart as a weapon, climb shelves, knock over displays and collide with other shoppers, never once saying "pardon me" all the while Chef did/said nothing for fear of reprisal from the Girhippo for DARING to discipline "HER children." (TM)
I watched while YSS, then 6, tore off every knob on the display appliances and threw them on the floor while Chef "picked up after him" by putting the knobs back on; never once saying "stop it" to YSS.
Funny, when I went to these stores by myself and saw normally behaved children such as my bios were (due to vigilant parenting), those PA announcements would never come on! It got to be a running gag for me as to how many seconds it took before the PA would start blaring as the skids entered the store. And believe me, we were at those stores a lot due to constant remodeling at the time.
Wonder why there are signs at those big outdoor gear and camping stores on the display boats and ATVs for parents to keep their children from playing (and wrecking) inside them?
Yep, Chef allowed that back more than a decade ago; probably other non-parenting guilty daddies and BFFing BMs did too and thus the signs.
OMG.. how you put up with
OMG.. how you put up with that chaos is beyond me!! You are a much stronger woman than I am!!
I swear that Chef had THE
I swear that Chef had THE highest conflict divorce this side of the mississippi AND HE NEVER FOUGHT HER ON ANYTHING!! Imagine if he DID fight the Girhippo out of the gate.
I was questioning my sanity until I found this site and disengaged.
It's definitely a DH problem,
It's definitely a DH problem, not a MIL nor a SS problem.
Great way to put it! Thank
Great way to put it! Thank you!
I called DH out on it and as expected it wasn't what he wanted to hear. He's still pissed that I refuse to attend any more family dinners etc until things change for the better.
Like it's pointed out either
Like it's pointed out either leave or don't go any longer.
I did both of these things - left the table early so DH had to sort it out several times and subsequently refusing to go to a restaurant with them for almost a year.
They are much better now.
The rose colored bio goggles
The rose colored bio goggles are overwhelmingly strong for some breeders when it comes to their bio spawn. As Sparents we are not subject to the biogoggles and can see very clearly the crap that a toxic skid perpetrates while our partners and their Xs beam at how wonderful the little crotch trophies are.
Fortunately your DH is clear that his kid is a behavioral train wreck. That will mean nothing if he does not quit tolerating the crap and take action. I suggest that you take DH out for a very nice just the two of you dinner, give him clarity on the situation, and give him a nicely gift wrapped paddle with wich to light up SS 6's ill behaved little butt.
Good luck.
I'm living this now too. It's
I'm living this now too. It's beyond frustrating. And I don't know how to make him realize how truly awful his kids are, short of bluntly stating it. But I don't know how much longer he can go on ignoring the truth of the situation. It's like these kids know how to do just enough at the right times to keep him hooked, thinking they care at all about him or that they have any good left in them, but it's all manipulation to get what they want from him. It makes me sick.