My 17 SD decided several months ago to totally Dad and me out of her life because she didn’t like that we had rules and that the world just revolve around her. We had her 50% of the time. She started dating a senior boy and didn’t like that we had appropriate rules in place. Dad would try to keep in contact with her via text, phone, etc and she wouldn’t respond. BioMom of course loved all these because she had a bad relationship with her Dad and doesn’t want her daughter to have loving parents on both sides. In the course of these 2 months, SD has neglected my birthday, a family wedding and Mother’ Day. Keep in mind that we have always had a good relationship and my side of the family has bent over backwards to always make her feel included. I never expected a card or gift, but she couldn’t at least text and just say I love you or happy birthday…something?! Yesterday she texts her Dad and finally says she wants to get together for dinner and of course Dad jumps at the chance. Hmmm….not even 20 minutes later BioMom is calling and texting that she just found out that SD has been having sex with boyfriend. Then…calls and texts come in from Dad’s mother asking to call SD because she is upset….SD is calling screaming to come and get her because she now wants to live with us. Give me a break….she got caught and she’s mad she got caught and doesn’t want her phone taken away.
We went this route about 5 years ago when SD just completely cut us out of her life. I do blame that situation on Parent Alienations, but not this time…she is 17 years old.
It’s creating tension with Dad and I because he is knows she has to learn her that her actions were wrong and she still manipulates everything and everyone, but he keeps saying he doesn’t want to punish her and feels like I do. I’m just done right now. I’m tired of doing everything and then being thrown away like garbage. I’m tired of dealing the emotional toll it takes on Dad until SD comes back around. I was raised that we don’t reward bad behavior and that we you are part of a family, you don’t get to pick in choose if you are or not.
Any tips from seasoned step parents? I’m trying to learn to disengage, but it’s just so hard. There is no trust right now with SD and I’m not inclined to want her at our house 50% of the time while we both work full time. I said to Dad that since trust is broken right now….he needs to find some place to SD to be doing the day.