Husbands family full version
I am a stepmom of two. For the most part my dhs ex her husband myself and my dh all communicate well! His ex and i actually talk often. She told me when they were together his siblings never were kind to her. Always picking fights and never liked her. My dhs famil y always tells me they didn't like her (they don't know how close we are so I just nod ok whatever)...anyway my dh and I have been together a long time. About 8 years. I'm very close with his kids. It's really a great situation. Anyway the last few years with my dhs siblings have been rough. They seem to always have disapproval of me. I'm not exaggerating when I say we have NEVER had one decent conversation. It's usually hi how are you kind of thing. I have never done them wrong but they still seem to pick at me. They have a big family and im really dreading family holidays this year. Last year I felt uncomfortable but sucked it up for my dh and kids sake. They are like high schoolers who are bullys for seriously no reason- one still calls me the girlfriend....and we planned to go to my familys (" the step family, which isnt their real family") for thanksgiving and his side for christmas (his ex alternate every other year) and again one of the siblings got so offended that we bring his kids on holidsys to a family that's not theirs. They are so mean and i feel so Crushed because I don't want problems so I keep.My mouth shut but when I held a grudge a few yeaes ago and stayed away that just made them hate me more. No one talks civilly and it seems they only care to see the kids. I want to just say screw it so bad and just go to my familys as originally planned but this made them so so so upset. I realize their biological family is there and I'm not but I feel like I've never been accepted and if we didn't have the kids it wouldn't matter if we came or not. I grew up in a famil that bashed each other and were always trying to make us choose sides-I swallow all my anger to prevent the kids from seeing it or going through what I went through. I'd rather take on the bullying then them missing their family. I actually have Said I was going to stay home and just let them go but again it made people mad. I can't please this family and I'm damned If I do go and Damned if I dont. Why act like u don't like me but want me to come? May have a few shots before i walk in there like i did last year.....
Wow well I don't blame ya! I
Wow well I don't blame ya!
I did marry dh but I kind of Married the family too. Do u think it's wrong to bring my steps to my family on alternating holidays? It's literally 1-2 a year and we go to his dhs as well. They make me feel like i shouldn't bring them.
I guess it just makes me sad
I guess it just makes me sad that I'm disliked for no reason. 8 years and I'm still the girlfriend. I am so good to my steps I treat like they are my own. Bm even calls us team mom and the kids love it. Apart of me makes me think this family doesn't like an interference an interference so to speak. My dh was single for a long time before me and they got to basically steal his time and always hang out with the kids. None of the siblings have their own kids so I get it they are special but it's still not fair to me.why don't they want to see their brother happy and have help with his kids? I'm just truly heart broken and wish I could get over it.
Laura, you will get over
Laura, you will get over being sad about that, the sooner the better, tho. I realized and learned from ppl who knew my toxic in laws before I did that this is a long-term problem of theirs. They hated first wife too,tho now they fake warmth to her, maybe to make me look like the problem. I hope ppl,who care what toxic in laws think of them will put it behind them ASAP. I quit going to their holidays and what a joy to no longer be attacked just because they could! They go to work on the locals to try to turn them against me and shut me down socially but unfortunately for them, I am much stronger and just hang out with ppl here and in towns nearby. I can outlast them and not give a rats what they think. Losers. So selfish. My kids naturally hate them. I'm glad my kids have the self respect to not tolerate their jealousy and toxicity. Quit caring what angers them because u will never win them over. Only they could change theur own minds and decide to be good ppl. Highly unlikely. They aren't of sufficient good quality character in the first place or u wouldn't have them trying to offload their ilk onto you. Take care of you no matter the effort. You are worth it. They are not worth any effort or even acknowledgment on your part. My husband hates that I'm honest and don't go to their slam our friends behind their backs fests they call holidays, but he just has to divorce me or get over it. He's smart and is getting over it.
My family adores my
My family adores my stepkids.
My dh and I plan to get pregnant by next year. I seriously think they won't be happy for us. I wish I didn't care so much. Don't we all just want to be accepted?
I decided I'd make one last
I decided I'd make one last attempt. I sent emails explaining how I felt in a very genuine sincere way. My dh tells me he doesn't even like them...it's almost like i encourage him to be kind to the famil y thats aweful to me-strange huh? I guess all I can see is the kids... I see their feelings hurt because daddy doesn't get along with their family, and I see pain and resentment because they had to deal with adult issues. I make sure it's hidden very well.
That may be the response but
That may be the response but I asked if we could meet in person and all talk as I don't want this anger between us. I was sincere and was reaching out. What else am I suppose to do? Just have my dh go with my stepkids to family function and pretend I don't feel awkward? I've been doing that for years....
Oh my. I don't think this
Oh my. I don't think this will end well for you.
I'm pretty sure that if my brother's wife sent me (what I would consider) a weird, sappy, please love me email... I'd LMAO. It would definitely come up in conversation with other family members. I'd probably call my brother and ask WTF is wrong with his wife.
That's not the nicest outcome, but it's probably true. Imagine how awkward things will be now...
It wasn't sappy at all. I
It wasn't sappy at all. I didn't go into emotions..all I said was that I didn't want The family including my dh to have hate and to lead by example as a family for the kids. I asked if we could all meet and talk. You would laugh at that? That's kind of cruel.
I said it wasn't nice, but
I said it wasn't nice, but honest. I'm not even saying it's right. Just so.
I think you just added fuel to the fire and will likely get burned. I'm guessing your DH will be put smack dab in the middle of a family feud. If you've done some reading, these guys don't do well in that position.
If he hasn't fixed this to your liking in six years, he's probably not going to. It's going to continue to be a point of hurt and anger and disappointment, for YOU. And some major fights between the two of you.
Hopefully, for your sake, I'm wrong.
ETA sorry, eight years.
There's only issues with two
There's only issues with two ppl in the family. I do regret writing those but really they were short simple kind. If they are really offended by that so be it. I think I'm realizing I'm just to be accepted by people who will never accept me. The rest of the fami ly is great my family is wonderful and it is what it is. I actually feel like screw it im done being a softy I'm just gonna be happy with the ones who do care.
They want you to feel awkward
They want you to feel awkward and controlled. Just taje that first step. The first step,is hard. When you experience how good it feels to be free and honoring yourself, it will be easy to continue to do so. Trust me. I suffered long in my own prison that way trying to make it all normal and nice. Nobody else wanted that and never will in that family! They hate me more now and that's great!
That's the place you were in
That's the place you were in recently by writing that email, young and naive. I bet most of us started out that way when we dudnt yet have experience with toxic in laws. Younwill get stronger and not do things like trying anymore.
I have a friend who ended her
I have a friend who ended her marriage because of the family too. I'm sorry bhai to hear all that. Thank you I needed to hear that. I shouldn't keep trying to gain acceptance. It is what it is. Thank you.
As you said, you are damned
As you said, you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. So do what you WANT to do without worrying what they think. They don't have to love you or even like you. They are not the one you live with or share a bed with.
My inlaws didn't like my
My inlaws didn't like my husband's first wife either, could not say one kind word about her but yet around her acted like they were best of friends which I couldn't understand. I think they tried to accept me but like your situation there was never any real conversations. I listened to their hurts as their teens grew into adults and were doing things that hurt them but when I had crisis they didn't want to be involved. Eventually a situation came about that divided the step family, my kids and husband's and siding took place. I have ousted and criticized since. I have not had anything to do with my inlaws in years.
My husband is not one to keep his family close and not one to let them have information, he doesn't spend a great deal of time with them and he doesn't talk to them on the phone. I think they were not getting from him what they wanted from their brother so when it came time when we'd be together their focus was solely on him. He was also the only son, the only brother and he was the only one that broke free from living by mom and dad. He had a career and the family was very proud of his achievements. No doubt my husband was the golden child, the person who could do no wrong and they fed on each other for attention and status when around one another. I was not comfortable with it, husband couldn't see it.
Staying out of it all and detaching from them was the best thing I did for myself.
Oh, don't get me started on
Oh, don't get me started on in-laws (does not include DH's parents, who are deceased).
I will give you the short version. I knew my DH's sister for 10 years before I met him. I spent time at her house, knew her SO even before I knew her, got to know her kids, the whole bit. I lived about 3 blocks from her at one time.
DH and I became friends, then more than friends and the next thing I knew, I was practically the enemy. I am back to non-enemy status now but we hardly ever see his family anymore. Even he will tell you, it is better to love them from afar.
I don't lose ANY sleep over it.
Pfft! Ignore the haters! If
Pfft! Ignore the haters! If they haven't accepted you by now, darlin' - they never will. Just handle it and move on with your life - it's not worth the stress, trust me.
I also used to be really good mates with SO's only sis. Since SO and I got together, our friendship has been strained, to say the least. This is mainly due to her continuing to be bestest buddies with BM, who was absolutely horrific in her treatment of SO during their marriage. Cheated on him with both men and women, partied all weekend and would fall out of the taxi, blind rotting drunk on a Sunday avo when SO and skids were in the yard. She'd land on the lawn and either vomit or piss herself. She left SO in debt of over $100G and he worked like a dog clearing it all, over 3 years. Seriously, she was one of the most selfish, egotistical, manipulative people I have ever seen.
SO asked his family to support him by not inviting her to family events. They refuse as she is also bestest buddies with SO's first cousin. So. We don't attend any of their family events - none at all.. we don't need the drama and crap that comes with it all.
Things came to a head recently, when his first cousin rang to invite him to her Son's 18th birthday. SO told her there was no way we were attending if she was going to be there, then hung up on her. When he told his Mom - she got pissed. With HIM. Told him she didn't want him upsetting the kids, never mind about SO's feelings...'cos you know..he should just roll over and take it up the ass from them.
To say I'm pissed with them, is an understatement. I demand loyalty from my family and they are the same with me. I no longer give a flying fart about their functions - we have our own now and we will be with people who love and support us. Life is waaayyy too short to spend it with toxic, manipulative fucktards who are completely and utterly self-focused.
Amen!
Amen!