You don't 'owe' SS a vehicle. Your husband doesn't 'owe' his son a vehicle. I suppose if Dad gets tired of playing chauffeur, Dad will do one of three things 1. Sell one of Dad's vehicles replacing it with a young teen friendly or teach the kid to drive a stick, 2. Let kid figure out kid's own transportation since kid can't manage to be respectful of the one person who does currently have a kid friendly vehicle, or 3. Dad discusses and works out a transportation vehicle for their son with BM.

It's not up to you to solve issues nor do favors for ungrateful brats. Not your kid, not your problem.

Do not give in! Unless you don't care about your car at all, I certainly wouldn't.

When SD was about to get her driver's license, DH offered her MY car. (My username is the first new car I bought) It's a cute two-seater BMW...it's now 15 years old and still really cute and fun. SD and I did not have much of a relationship at all. Luckily SD is more of a tomboy and actually said no to the offer. SHE wanted to have a truck she could go off-roading in and can fill it with all her friends. I was pissed that DH offered up my car, but he told me that if she had said yes, then he would have bought me anything I wanted. My car was about 8 years old at the time.

Fast-forward about 3 years. I have a new car, but my old little car is still sitting on the driveway. SD comes over and asks DH if she can have it because it's an extra vehicle. I turn to her and answer for him. I said no, it's still MY car, and I'm not offering it to anyone.

The insurance issues are also a good point.

NOPE, not wrong at all.

Dad created this mess, now he has to find a way out of that. The way out may be driving the kid around, teaching him how to drive the "slow" car, buying him a car or making the kid walk/use public transportation.

Of course, you are not wrong.

Please don't let anybody guilt you into letting him use your vehicle. It's a whole lot of liability for someone who treats you like dirt. Just no. Hubby raised a brat, hubby can cart brat's ass around.

Frankly, even if SS treated you respectfully, I would be very hesitant to do it; he has two parents and between the 3 of them, they can figure something out.

You should not feel any obligation to your SS to be his ride and especially to loan your car to him. I would not loan my car to one of my step children, especially if they were treating me like I didn't exist. He can call on his mom who wants him to only love her. He can call on his dad who won't sit down with his ex and try to help her understand that her hateful attitude that she is spewing to her son is causing him issues. We take on too much to help and this is what happens. Step aside and let the bio parents figure this out.

This kid is too stupid to drive, obviously. Otherwise, he would know that a car isn't "too fast" unless the DRIVER pushes the gas pedal TOO HARD! It would do him good to learn to drive a manual anyway.

No, you're not wrong. You don't own him anything. Everything goes both way. Tell DH sells one of his car and buy his son one if he really want his son to drive.

A.

NO, you are not wrong. SS has 2 parents and you are not one of them. His parents are responsible for resolving the situation. Even if it means your SS uses public transportation, a bicycle or a skateboard until he can afford his own car.

Question why do you have two cars yourself? Is one a work and one a personal vehicle?

I had my dads voice in my head then "why have you got two cars you only have one ass?" lol sorry

But even if you had 12 cars, its your choice who has access to your cars, rude SS who ignores you doesnt get a look in. If he asks you reply "nope ask your mum"

It is risky to lend out your car to a young man. Don't do it.

How is a car too fast? I know driving isn't as important to kids as it was when I was young - but I would think most boys would want a car that is too fast! And everyone should be able to drive a stick.

There are just the two of us and we have 4 cars. My new one, his old one that is used as a daily driver. A really old truck that will be restored one day - it has current plates and is driven once in awhile. A 20 year old truck that is used for hauling and in the winter when the roads are bad.

Hate to be blunt, but wouldn't giving into SS (and DH) be like rewarding someone for stomping on your foot or something like that? Why would you do that? You'd be sending SS the strong message, "yeah, treat me like the back-end of a mule, and I'll reward you by being your chauffeur."

When you are a SM or dad's wife, you have to be doubly careful of what type of behaviors you reward, because there is no blood obligation involved. Kids and even adult SKs will milk you dry one day, and throw you under the bus the next, without even a flinch. Not always, of course. But, if you have the situation where both BM and DH are sending these SKs strong messages either directly (BM) or not so directly (DH) that you are the kids' servant or doormat, kids are going to go for it and use it to their advantage pretty much every time, and some never outgrow this. If you don't stick up for yourself, no one else will. Believe me. I've been there. Three years is long enough to allow for an adjustment--you ONLY reward good behavior. You don't give in to DH or SKs boo-hoos or guilt trips. If you do, they'll expect this the next 20+ years.

No way in hell should you give in.