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Adult Daughter is an Emotional Manipulator

HappyHome's picture

Submitted by HappyHome on Mon, 07/13/2015 - 2:22pm

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Adult Stepchildren

DH and I had the unpleasant task of evicting SD and her dysfunctional little family from a home that we owned. They never paid rent and refused to do so. Our bad for letting them live there. SD told DH she would NEVER speak to him again and that their relationship was ruined FOREVER. Lo and behold she is calling/texting 3 weeks later with her crying/whining about her life. Fast forward 1 year later and DH has seen SD and skids and SD has not spoken or seen me in all that time. That's the youngest SD. The older one has cold-shouldered me for years. Not sure what I want to happen here if anything. I'm working on accepting things as they are, not as I would like them to be. I cannot endear myself to these two selfish daughters, believe me, I have tried. I did the whole nicey-nice, gift-giving, walk all over me stepmom routine for years. When I cut that out, it was a big adjustment for DH who couldn't understand why I didn't care about his daughters! I still get flak for not being the ultimate grandmother. DH's own cousin pointed out that I couldn't bond with the gskids because the mothers have never been welcoming to me. Seems like being married to DH is a lose-lose proposition. Someone is always going to be snubbing me or angry with me for what I am doing or not doing.

How does anyone here deal with these ongoing issues?

dadswife's picture

Submitted by dadswife on Tue, 07/14/2015 - 2:35pm

amen

P Popper's picture

Submitted by P Popper on Tue, 07/14/2015 - 2:42pm

Correction to wickedsm123... in real life we don't get recognition or validation.
Here at ST, we can see WE ARE NOT CRAZY, EVIL, MEAN, or VINDICTIVE. We are just fed up with being used and abused...

choose your battles.
Love your man.
send those effed up skids(and any ungrateful, brainwashed grandstepkids) good thoughts and then think of them no more.
Try to disengage and breathe, and remember...
Any husband that doesn't take a stand for his wife, is not a partner.

dadswife's picture

Submitted by dadswife on Tue, 07/14/2015 - 2:44pm

I know I have been judged and gossiped about by DH's family since I disengaged. I am pretty certain one of more of his daughters have spread the word. I am the WORST because she had a baby who is now a year old and Ive only seen her twice. I have never held her or "coo-d" over her. DH's other girls and his sisters and sister in laws etc all think I am awful apparently. I don't care. They haven't walked in my shoes. I can not stand his youngest daughter so much, I can not even PRETEND when in her presence anymore. The mention of her name sometimes pisses me off.
DH goes to visit SD30 out of our home, so Ive only seen her youngest child twice, and not by choice. It was forced upon me. I know she is an innocent child, but I just don't want anything to do with this woman and that includes her kids. I learned with her first child, she will use the kids to hurt you by not bringing them around and keeping you away from them. Why open myself up to her games?

Andie91801's picture

Submitted by Andie91801 on Tue, 07/14/2015 - 7:12pm

Tell the old cousin she is more than welcome to bond with them.

They will raise the "Mini-me's" like Catmom4 said so don't bother. I don't waste my time to SGKids. They are not my Gkid. They are DH Gkid, not mine so I don't have any obligation to do anything for them. If their parents are decent human being and treats me with respect like everyone else then i don't have any problem but ask me to go out of my way to "bond" with them....not a chance...apples don't fall far from the tree.

A.