Why are parents afraid of their kids?
This isn't totally step kid related. My brother asked me if I could watch my nephew today which I said yes but DH had to go somewhere and I have all the kids ss's included and told my brother he would need to bring nephew (who is 3) over to my house in the morning before he goes to work at 8. That meant he needed to get nephew awake at about 730 and drive 5 minutes to my house.
Well, that didn't happen. My brother called this morning and said can't you please come up here with him I don't have to leave until 9 and I really don't want to have to wake him up or deal with him flip out when I leave. My heart can't handle it. Verbatim. My brother is clearly afraid of his 3 year old son.
My kids for the longest time had to get up at 5am no matt r what season is was because I had to be at work at 6 and took them over to my moms and then she took them to daycare for me. They got up because I had to go to work. That's just what happens. Right?
I've noticed that I'm clearly an asshole of a parent because I don't allow my kids to dictate to me how things are going to go. I have expectations for their behavior and we've got a schedule of what we're gonna do and when we're gonna do it. If my youngest has to get up at 6am to go to the neighbors until the bus comes then that's what has to happen. Because mom has to work and so does DH.
Why are people afraid of their kids? Afraid to hurt their feelings? Afraid to make their kids upset? BM does this shit too. And the boys are 6,8,10. Pwrsonally, I don't think they're doing any favors for these kids by tip toeing around their whittle precious feelings.....
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And it took me ten minutes,
And it took me ten minutes, maybe less to get my nephew dressed and ready and out the door. We were back home before DH had to leave. I should have told my brother no if you want me to watch him you need to bring him here. I didn't though because I wasn't in the mood to argue. My mother does this shit, goes to my brothers house to watch him. I think it's ridiculous. And this kid is gonna be such a nightmare when it comes time for him to go to school. Not my kid not my problem I guess. And I don't have to babysit if I don't want to. But I do enjoy spending time with my nephew. My brother just irritates me. Lol
I agree. I know my girls are
I agree. I know my girls are more well behaved when I'm not around. That's just how kids are. But either my brother is lazy and didn't want to have to get his son ready so he could go to work or he just didn't want to deal with the monster he's created....
"adults behaving like this
"adults behaving like this has some bad childhood memory "
I KNOW for a fact that is part of SO's problem.
He has said to me many times over the years that he doesn't want to "yell at" aka discipline his children on Sunday because "then tell will be mad at me all week. Just like I was with my dad growing up" SO is COD.
Also, he hated that he had to do chores at his dad's house before he could go play with his friends. He brings that up all the time too.
To sum up, FIL acted like a responsible parent when SO was growing up and SO still resents it. SO actively decides to NOT parent and spare poor COD feelings.
I think it's parenting out of
I think it's parenting out of guilt. We all know divorce guilt, but I think in nuclear families it happens as well. Mom feels guilty for working, taking time for herself, doing housework or maintaining the administrative mommy duties rather than playing hide and seek. "Sure darlingyou can get that toy if it makes you happy since I don't have time to make you happy in non-rewarding ways"
This same situation took
This same situation took place at my house this weekend.
SO wanted to go out on the boat on Friday. Well, we live in Florida and it's already super hot here so that means we need to leave early so that we can get back for it's scorching out.
We are both up and ready by 6:30am. I started to make some quick egg sandwiches and asked SO if he wanted to wake Skids so they can get ready while I cook.
Oh NO, can't do that. They have to sleep until the last minute and we sit around waiting for them to get ready. Not Skids fault. If SO would stop playing Disney dad and just wake the kids up, we could all get ready at the same time and leave 30minutes earlier.
Some parents are just lazy
Some parents are just lazy and don't want to make the effort to deal with tantrums or misbehavior. Kids grow up thinking that THEY are the boss.
My brother is a COD. catered
My brother is a COD. catered to by my mother.....because she was always in competition with his dad.....I don't know how we ended up being such different people. I didn't have a father so I guess I got screwed out of the guilty parenting. DH is getting better,he's more authoritative with the step sons, let's them know what's expected of them and I am less stressed when we have them because he finally stepped up into the parent role. It took me flipping on him and being very truthful about what I saw and the way I felt about the boys for that to happen. I spent a day in my room just so I didn't have to deal with any of the kids and left him alone to deal with it all. Neither of my girls have relationships with their dads and I don't parent them with guilt because it causes entitlement and emotional issues for the kids. My girls are well adjusted for their situation. I never let their dad not being involved be an excuse of any behavior.
My FIL was highly
My FIL was highly abusive...but only to DH. BIL was the apple of his eye and treated like a golden prince. MIL treated BIL like that as well but she was very resentful of the way that FIL treated DH. I'm pretty sure that he hit her a time or twelve as well. They divorced when DH was 12. FIL (and his family's money) fought for both kids until MIL ran out of money. Why he kept DH when he clearly couldn't deal with him is beyond me.
FF to today. DH is a very talented, hard working blue collar man who paid CS for 2 skids for 20 years - even while living with them. Married to me for almost 14 years. Not the best SF in the world but he's tried to make up for it now. We are very happy together. No record (he got it all out of the way when he was a minor!)
BIL is a 36 year old alcoholic with a gambling problem and various assault and DUI offenses who STILL lives with FIL. No kids, no license, no car. Has a job that FIL got for him. Has a psychotic GF who will take his entire paycheck and then laugh at him while she goes into the bedroom with some other guy. BIL is such an idiot that this has occurred on numerous occasions. Has many bills in collections and Daddy Dearest paid for his numerous lawyers to get all his charges reduced.
I really want to say to (SCREAM AT) FIL: "So...how's that coddling and enabling of the golden boy working out for ya??"
Yes. DP keeps complaining
Yes. DP keeps complaining that they were late to get the ferry/bus/school, etc.
Then he says we need to leave the house earlier.
Then I nod and he says, usually, "SD9 or SD11 didn't get out of bed." Because he DIDN'T make sure they were up and he refuses to get them to use an ALARM or something.
Like they will just naturally bounce out of bed fully dressed and ready to go at 6:30 am.
Seriously. He's surprised every time.
I just don't deal with it any longer. If I am taking them anywhere they KNOW I leave the house at "X" hour and I WILL leave without them.
Regarding other parents, SD9's friend, let's call her HSK (head strong kid, but she has some redeeming qualities), gets on my nerves. Her mom and I have been friends since college. So it's great the girls get along, but HSK has very few boundaries and hates to listen to adults. And gets SD9 going. It's really chaos when SD9 and HSK get together which is why I don't deal with it at all if it's on a weeknight (DP knows my displeasure in LATE weeknight visits).
ANYWAY.
Last time HSK was over, I went downstairs to SD9's room where the two girls were, with my friend behind me. We go in and HSK sees her mom behind my and YELLS, "Mommy no!" or somesuch thing and throws a piece of paper at her, over my shoulder right by my head. My friend says, with a sigh, "HSK...don't do that."
I then turn to HSK, look her in the eye and say, very firmly, "HSK you do NOT throw things at people in this house. If you do that again you will. go. home. Got it?" Nods and calms down.
DUH.
She pulled my cats tail once, in presence of mom as well, my friend did the same thing, sighs, "HSK..." I went over to HSK, looked her in the eye and very unconditionally told her what would happen if she ever, ever did that again (no more visits at our house). Never did that again.