A bit OT but I think I'll take BM's approach to loving my man.
I'm so desperate to get my thoughts out that I can't help myself from posting here because I know so many of you will at least understand where I'm coming from. I vowed not to post again, not so much because of privacy, but because I don't want DH coming around to cause drama, but I feel so weak right now.
I'm mourning the loss of my love and it hurts so bad. I used to think that DH and I were so in tune with each other. Now I sit dumbfounded wondering how that all just went away. But it didn't! We are still connected but the flow is being disrupted by angry static of resentment.
A part of me has left this relationship already and it's like we're just waiting for something, anything to make me walk out and leave. I'm waiting for my passport, hoping that if I leave the country and just let it all go the hurt will stop. I know it won't. I love my DH and that shit just doesn't go away. I'm trying, I'm thinking of all the wrong that's happened, of all the ways in which he hurt me and I swear nothing is making it better.
I'm reading your blogs about BM and DH texting. My world is spinning. I think, "does it ever end?" and then I collapse into more self pity because I can't see a solution for myself.
DH and I used to text each other from the moment he left the house, all through the day, about anything and everything. Funny stuff, silly stuff, angry stuff, etc. It wasn't excessive. We just kept each other company every few hours. The more stress we've had in our relationship, the more the texts turned into small arguments. Nasty words passed between each other that neither of us wanted to bring forth face to face, probably because we didn't know how to respond instantly. With the text messages, you could let it slide. "I'm busy, I'm working. Boss near me". More resentment, less communication, yet we were "talking about our problems all the time!"
Then I had this little "aha!" moment. What if DH talks to BM about their past or random things because it doesn't bring on any stress? What if they just chit chat. What if he's lonely? What if he misses that with me, but because our convos have turned sour, so has his approach to talking to me? What if DH simply wants a little companionship? The kind we had when things were okay. Instead of, "You know DH, I wish BM would stop xyz," maybe he'd prefer a little, "Hey sugar, I know you got this big job today but I've got a good joke for you.."
I go over and over in my head how DH as "changed". How he's not the man I knew. How he doesn't "see me" anymore. But wait..haven't I changed? I'm lonely, depressed, jobless, and frankly a complete BORE to be around! I've got nothing but negativity to text him because nothing but negativity is going on for me!!! No wonder he doesn't want to stand up for me and my tantrums against BM. He doesn't want to sound like he's the one with the problem because it's clear that I'M the one with the issue. I think he's resentful and I think he misses the old me.
I'm so desperate to save this love. I want to believe there's hope. I want to do all I can (which starts with me taking care of myself) to save us. I miss him so much. Most of all when he's right next to me. So I think from now on, I'm gonna try to do what BM does and be his friend.
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Thats the key my friend
Thats the key my friend sounds like you are on the right track. Just remember that there is nothing you can do to change BM. You cant make her parent the way you think she should and you will never understand why she does the things that she does. These things are not your hubbys fault. Sure he married her and had kids with her
but he chose to leave because something was missing. Instead of beating him down about his ex lift him up. Dont talk to him about his BM and tell him not to talk to you about it because it causes you to have negative feelings. If you are out of work take the old school approch to life and clean up the house, have dinner ready, take a shower and get yourself ready for the day maybe even throw in a jog around the block. I know this view might not be popular with some women on here but i would love to be able to do that LOL! Instead im at work 10 hours a day. It might make you feel better to baby him for a while to build back some of the things that you have lost between you because of the fighting. Just my take on it 
I'm the household queen. I
I'm the household queen. I got all that jazz covered. I need to start to build ME up and having something to challenge my mind. Porkchops in gravy just don't do it anymore hehehe
But I know what you mean, LMR, and thank you for your words because they REALLY make it clear for me. "..he chose to leave because something was missing. Instead of beating him down about his ex lift him up."
I have to stop thinking my DH is THAT big of an idiot to go back to that. I know he wouldn't. If he'd cheat on me with anyone, BM would be his last choice, that's for sure.
treat him like yur
treat him like yur boyfriend...remember when it was all new...and u could just giggle all day long at the mindless, unimportant stuff u guys talked about?....well...the reality of life makes everything real and serious, bill, kids, BMs, etc....I think yur idea is great...u know...not to get beaten up...LOL...but Dr Laura says the key to a sucessful marriage is treating yur husband like u are his mistress....I dunno...I think if its just light and fun sometimes...it may just help
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
You're on the right track
You're on the right track misfit. DH said something to me last week after two weeks of the same kind of stuff you and your DH have been going through. We have bouts of the same from time to time. He said "You know, I think we need to get back to being friends. Somehow along the way we stopped being friends". What he said makes sense to me. Just a little bit of kindness and understanding goes a long way. Things have been a lot better since then.
The book the Love Dare is
The book the Love Dare is really good. It gives you little tasks to do everyday that is just like what you are talking about. It is fun and has worked well in our relationship. It is however religious.
Whenever I pretend like BF
Whenever I pretend like BF and I are newly dating, it does WONDERS.
This kinda coincides with something my counselor told me once, she said that she used to speak in front of large groups of ppl, she was so insecure doing it and it showed. She looked up to Oprah so she would pretend she was her everytime she had to publicly speak. Her confidence level hit the roof and she became less and less insecure and had more and more ppl standing up clapping for her speeches. She asked me who I looked up to and told me that anytime I feel the urge to curl up due to my insecurity, to portray those characteristics of that person I admire. Pretty soon the confidence will just come natural.
You can use this with anything in your life that you have insecurities with...so strut your stuff Misfit, I know it's in there!
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”