I need some way to vent my feelings. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. Sometimes I think I'm fine it's everyone else that is crazy. I was with DH long-long ago for 3 years. He had to move to another state, long distance didn't work out for us due to people in my little gossipy town telling him things that actually weren't true about me. He was/is the love of my life. Fast forward 10 years I just got divorced from my first DH and current DH had just split with crazy ass girlfriend. We run into each other, both confess we have missed each other, still love each other and here we are 6 years later, still married, still together, still in crazy town. His exGF is bat shit crazy. I could go into many, many examples, but lets just say she makes life hell as often as possible. Unfortunately DH has 2 kids with her who are completely brainwashed into her way of thinking and have never had any rules with her, so clearly we are the "mean house".

So, this summer crazy xGF went to jail. We have had SKs, obviously, 24/7 since. They have been difficult, obviously, because they have to deal with rules. My problem has been.....I have a DH that honestly doesn't friggin listen. I don't know if anyone else out there has one of those, but it sucks. I try to explain my feelings and he really doesn't understand. I don't think he doesn't care, I think he doesn't get it. For example, if I say I'm lonely (because we have NO time alone with his kids around, plus they are always laying all over him or Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, competing with each other for his attention I'm pretty quiet and feel outside) By they way they are 11 and almost 8, so not babies by any means. Anyhow back to what I was saying, If I tell him I'm lonely I know he doesn't understand that because he was an only child and his parents were gone all the time working, he was on his own basically his whole life. Alone is his comfort zone, so he doesn't understand my being lonely, especially when I have a house full of people? He doesn't understand. I need him to say good bye and good night and I love you and hug me when he gets home from work, these are my cues he loves me. To him (probably other guys too) I should just know. I have tried talking to him about my feelings or needs, doesn't work because kids are all over him all the time. I've tried texting, he hates it, feels like I should not worry so much anyway.

So, the thing is I started out thinking it was completely the SKs, it's not all them, it's how DH acts because they are around. (wayyyyy different than when we used to have 3 days a week alone). I need to feel connected to him again, but what can I say so he does understand? None of what I say truly gets through his thought process because I was brought up with hugs, kisses, I love you, etc and he was brought up basically by himself. When we had our alone time I got all of what I needed, so even on the days kids were around I was completely clear how he felt. Now I've lost most of that and don't feel like I have a way to get it back. Kids are here, can't get rid of them (well maybe a bit when BM gets out of jail) and I can't explain my feelings the right way to him I guess. I'm lonely and frustrated....