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I think I'm ready

worst_stepmom_ever's picture

Submitted by worst_stepmom_ever on Wed, 02/25/2015 - 12:36am

I think I'm ready for the incoming SK shitstorm. The time apart has provided a lot of clarity and therapy has helped a lot as well. My therapist and I spent today basically developing a gameplan for what to do once DH is back.

I'm to tell him that I'm not going to deal with his daughter's issues, that I love him, but it is not healthy for me. My therapist said he WILL get pissed off and to either take my anxiety meds right before or right after.

When SD starts pulling the exorcist routine, I calmly pick up my DD and leave, and tell DH to let me know once he has the situation under control. I'm supposed to have enough faith in our relationship to believe that DH won't leave if I stand up for myself in regards to SD. The other thing is to keep pursuing my own stuff and trying to make friends (I've been very isolated since college) and then I will hopefully not spiral out of control.

I'm so conflicted since I'm so excited about DH being back home but so dreading dealing with BM/SD again.

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worst_stepmom_ever's picture

Submitted by worst_stepmom_ever on Wed, 02/25/2015 - 10:31am

Thanks for all the positive comments STers! I'm in a good place and happy right now but I woke up in the middle of the night experiencing a panic attack due to a nightmare of DH leaving me in a cruel way. This has been happening leading up until now and my therapist says it's because while I've been gaining perspective on the situation, I've been repressing all my insecurities/fears. I feel like I'm ready to face them when the time comes. Usually the first visit with SD after her dad has been gone for a while goes ok, and part of me wants to give a 4 year old the benefit of the doubt that she can change, but I know that BM is going to get nutty again soon, and since she refuses to get SD help, the odds of that seem low.

So basically, I'm just waiting for that SHTF moment where I *actually* get up and remove myself from the situation.

On the plus side I've been working more and more on my fitness goals, and also dabbling in YouTube since that's something I've wanted to do for years. I'm getting to meet people that way and I'm happy because it reminds me that there are kind, dynamic people out in the world who would want to be my friend, since like I said, since college I've just felt very isolated here since I can't seem to find friends that I connect with. (If only I knew some of you STers better!)