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Advice please!

Atwitts-end's picture

Submitted by Atwitts-end on Sun, 12/28/2014 - 9:18am

After being with my wife 10yrs now and married for 5, I feel like I am just about done with it all, and I think I fear being alone the most. My wife has always had a strangely close relationship with her three sons and not so much with her daughter, they range from ages 20 to 29. After ten years together you start to find out little things along the way about the people you love. My wife is fifty and I forty-five, and has recently started to reveal she has long time "Mommy issues" with her mother. So that's one issue for another time, but her relationship is for better terms, "Scary Weird" with her sons, especially the younger two, 20 and 27. We have fought more and more recently about these two as they get older and have become further apart because of it. Distant ships in the night, very little passion, no intimacy and hardly any sex. When one of them is around she actually treats them like more of a husband and if both are together it's like watching a doe-eyed school girl. I have come to realize that my place is last in this relationship behind her family, children, work and then me. Without writing a book, I know someone out there has been here, some advice please! I am starting to feel very alienated and lonely................

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ItHasGottenBetter's picture

Submitted by ItHasGottenBetter on Sun, 12/28/2014 - 9:22am

Fear of Being Alone.

I stayed with my DH for that reason and to help with our kids. After he passed away, I had no choice in the matter. I realized I was stronger than I thought, enjoyed being single with no one to answer to any more. I regret many times not divorcing him earlier and not putting our kids thru his drug abuse bc I was scared.

Steppy MN2's picture

Submitted by Steppy MN2 on Sun, 12/28/2014 - 10:34am

I know what you're saying except it was all four of my ex DH's kids but mostly his two daughters. I always felt like the outsider. He also complained about not having much sex but it's hard to have sex with someone when he is unsupportive when his kid/s don't really respect you and treat you like you're invisible. In fact, he blames you for being treated poorly. He made it very clear where his loyalties were and they weren't with me.
Being alone..............well, it's gotten easier but there are still times when I hate it. You get thru it. I have decided that I need to be comfortable with being alone again before I have any kind of relationship with anyone. I think it would be worse living like I was. At least now I have a chance to be with someone who actually appreciates me and values me.
You are stronger than you realize.
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone." Robin Williams.