A Friggin Minefield
We are supposed to get all four children tonight at 5 pm for our Thanksgiving holiday and honestly it's a possibility she won't show to drop them off. Which of course will look bad on her but if she does show up I have another issue. DH will be working Monday-Wednesday. They usually stay with me when it's our time not a problem. Now they don't want to stay with me because I'm awful horrible evil step mom. So do we change our schedule and let them know this bratty unwarranted behavior will get them somewhere or do we keep our schedule and show them I'm not going anywhere and there little plan won't work? We are thinking we will do the latter but my feelings are hurt and I'm pissed the older ones are pulling this crap. I kind of want them to know I don't want to keep them if they are going to be that way. Then again I dont want them to know it's getting to me.... Agh it's a freaking minefield. Luckily I can talk to DH about it all and over breakfast in between his meetings with the kids teachers we had a heart to heart. He will do whatever makes me feel comfortable. If I dont want to keep them this week he will drop them off at their mothers Sunday. I feel like that would show them I'm not leaving and their attitude will only get them less time with their dad. Still then the major point would be they are still losing time with their dad. It's just a complete shitstorm emotionally for me. The guilt of feeling like I'm the problem( DH never makes me feel that way) that as much as I try to be there and do all the fun things nothing changes that I'm this awful horrible person. BM has the two older girls 12,9 so brainwashed. She has them believing their dad left her for me. Hell I didn't even live in this state when he left her... But they really believe I broke up their family.
My advice? Sit them down and
My advice? Sit them down and explain to them that you understand you are "mean" and "horrible" evil ol step mom... so their DADDY to PROTECT them has decreed....
The entire time he is at work, they have to stay in their rooms. They may come out of their room once he makes it home from work.
Then go to the fuse box/ cable box, and kill all light sockets in theri room.. there go the electronic babysitters.
Let them spend a few days bored out of their damn minds and come crawling back themselves that you arent mean and they lied.
Love it...gonna do it...you
Love it...gonna do it...you should trade mark that!!
I go out of my way for these
I go out of my way for these kids to feel comfortable. Tomorrow I'm throwing the oldest one a birthday party and made sure she has presents and cake and friends there but all of that is looked over because I'm this not their mother. I'm the one that organizes our trip to the rodeo/fair they love so much every year. I pick out the dang Christmas presents and do the damn elf on the shelf crap. I cook, clean and take them places. It is extremely discouraging for them to be so ungrateful and hateful. I know all children have to be taught gratitude that it's not a god given ability in a child. However 9 and 12 years old is old enough to know better.
He has already said that
He has already said that since they are doing this there will be no special plans or events. They will come to our house and stay the time allowed then go home. Lol I am sure they'd just die if they couldn't watch a movie! They'd be forced to go outside or have some sort of imagination.
Personally, my belief is that
Personally, my belief is that (in general) if the bioparent is not there for visitation, then the kids should be with the other bioparent. Really, do you WANT to spend the next three days with them?!? Isn't there anything better you could do with that time? Something you would enjoy?!?
That aside I think it is wrong to have it up in the air at the last minute like this. Bm & dh should have all of these details decide weeks ago.
If you do end up with them- set clear rules and have some kind of rewards to hold over their heads so they follow them.
Either way- good luck!
We had a good system going
We had a good system going with one week and one week. She decided she wanted her alimony back and decided we couldn't have them anymore. Which she can do because we had an agreement outside of the court order. The kids have stayed with me all through the summer this way and now it's a problem. We are a family unit and at some point they will have to be alone with me in their lifetime. I love being with the two younger kids 6,4 and they like spending time with me... I would have to forfeit my relationship that I've built with them and make them feel unwanted because the other two are just being ugly. I don't want to make that sacrifice. Of course their are other things I would rather be doing but they are a priority in my life. Whether they want me to or not I love them and care for them.
No you don't. I tried
No you don't. I tried disengaging from all my skids...but darn it I really like SS7 and I actually have fun watching animal planet with him cause he lives on a farm and tells me all the hijinks the farm animals really cause, SS12 and I had some rocky moments but I can kind of understand some things that are wrong with him now and we've gotten closer. Now then, Redface Magee(SS9) and dPPP(SD6) I can't stand. Won't be alone with them, don't really want to talk to them, and normally just avoid them. My peace of mind is more important to me.
I look back at all the times
I look back at all the times I was a total shit to my step dad and regret them. Since I was a teenager we have devolved a solid relationship and I love him very much. I know I caused a lot of heartache and honestly I will still be spending time with the two little ones and making our time fun and if it means leaving the other two out so be it... It makes me feel immature and selfish but why should I reward bad behavior with undying love? They all have this chip on their shoulder and expect to just have everything handed to them. The little ones are happy if I make play dough do flash cards with them. I enjoy the crap out of hanging with them. I think I've got a lot of hard thinking to do about my strategy.
I feel like such a shithole
I feel like such a shithole for feeling that way.
Bless you heart. I felt the
Bless you heart. I felt the same way. Like I was a horrible person with a heart of coal because I didn't love my step kids. I learned here, I don't have to love them, and the two that I do like being around is better than not liking any of them. You're not a shithole, you're a person who met another person you don't get along with. The fact that they are your h kids has nothing to do with anything
DH really liked this comment.
DH really liked this comment. They know their daddy will jack them up but I hate them getting in trouble. It so far passed the time of me not saying anything. I feel like I'm always picking on the oldest but she's the one that gives the attitude and most problems.
Ripley is on fire
Ripley is on fire today!!
Although this brings up an interesting point, if the two oldest are always mean and disrespectful, put them in daycare and keep the little ones with you and have a wonderful thanksgiving holiday.
Boy that'd be ideal! Lol
Boy that'd be ideal! Lol he'll take them back before he pays a stranger to watch them. I know we will work it out so I'm comfortable and that's my main concern. I just always get this anxiety on what's best for them when really I shouldn't be worried about it to this extreme. I guess I care too much. I never ever try and be there mother but I'm also not a buddy or pal. I guess I've told myself so many times that's it's about the kids now that I stopped thinking about myself. I need to start telling myself hey you don't have any kids and yes worry about them while they are with you and be supportive to DH. Then leave it alone. The big choices to be made are not yours to make. I think basically I feel out of control and I never realized I'm uncomfortable out of control.
See I hate to get them in
See I hate to get them in trouble with their dad. I have no problem with time outs and I have 40 hunting dogs to feed and use that as a consequence frequently. You've got attitude? Go feed the chickens. I think you're right, I am a bit of a pushover in some cases. Some of his family think I'm like a drill Sargent or something which I completely don't understand. These are my rules.
1. Don't scream across the house. Come to where I am.
2. The word 'what' is not allowed if asked a question. (Dad's rule)
3. Shoes off in the house (we have 40 hunting dogs we breed)
4. Supper is supper no special meals. Don't like it don't eat. (Dad's rule)
5. We don't have cable or wi-fi out here in the sticks. Go outside. You have horses, dogs and chikens to play with.
6. Take a bath
7. Brush you're teeth
8. Do homework
9. Go to bed at bedtime
That's not even 10 rules. How my MIL it thinks I'm tough is beyond me...my FIL is the strictest man I have ever met hands down. But poor little babies have to deal with not even 10 rules I'm such a hardass
He really does have my back
He really does have my back and doesn't tolerate any bull from his kids. We live in the Deep South and very much believe in discipline. I let DH read some of the posts on here and he always says " If they were with a real man none of this would be happening to them." He completely blames the Dad for the mistreatment of the SM and behavioral issues of the children. There are times I would do something different than he would but that's normal with any normal bio family. I am grateful I have an understanding DH that understands this crap is stressful and that I'm not required but do it out of love. I have my limits and when I've reached it he knows or usually stops it before I get there. Everything I've said on here I can say hey you know today I was posting on step talk and nun thinking blah blah blah. Series his feathers get ruffled but we work through until everything's smoothed out.
My SS has me brainwashed.
My SS has me brainwashed. When I first looked at your Title, I thought Minecraft. AHHH
Haha I will never understand
Haha I will never understand the hours of entertainment people get from that game
He is not a Disney Dad. He
He is not a Disney Dad. He raised his two youngest children when she fell off her rocker and each time a kid was born. Me and the oldest have always had a rocky relationship because she's the only one that remembers her mom and dad being together. She's 12 and has an attitude like any other preteen. We have issues an I try to work them out with the kids so he doesn't have to come to my rescue 24/7. Now I let him deal with any kind of behavior because the first way just made my relationship with them harder. Disrespect is not tolerated and trust me discipline does exist. That's the thing of course when you eat whatever whenever and have mcdonalds almost every night then any kid will stay with BM. No rules and no discipline and constant junk food... It's a kids dream. He put the fear of God in them again last night and I don't think we will have anymore disrespect or there will be some heavy consequences. The damage is done however... The oldest tells her mother what to do and the BM does it, what a 12 year old thinks is best. So now we are going to court because she was a brat and her mother is so easily manipulated that you can convince her to do anything. Especially for a dollar.