Anyone else have a teen SD they were once good friends with but now you've been sidelined?
I thought everything would return to "normal" after all the bs that started in the beginning few months of the year (see earlier blogs) with FSD16. Well, what counts as normal in our lives. Nope. It's been gradual but I've been slowly phased out as a meaningful adult in her life. She is becoming like her older sister now, just my fiancé's daughter. I used to get texts and emails, even just random goofy pics. She rarely talks to me unless I start a conversation. She performed in a dance recital at her hs last May which whole family went to and even had a small solo yet suddenly decides last week that she has stage fright and doesn't want anyone but her mother and my fiancé to attend her long awaited 2nd deg black belt test in karate. She had a rather personal medical incident between her and her bf in spring (not pregnancy) and I was shut out of that too.
Ever have those voices in your head? Theyre in your own voice but you hear what others will say to you? "You're not her mother". "This is her life and who are you to ask anything". "Not your monkey, not your circus".
Guess I am feeling used. I give my time, my money, and my energy for all 3 of my fiancé's kids. I try to disengage but we used to have such a great family dynamic between us and including my biokids that it's hard. But even my own 3 biokids are seeing how FSD16 is treating me and them. It's like she doesn't want to be with us anymore. Even when she is with us she is glued to her damn phone. Yet she bitched that her father and I text too much to each other when she's with him.
I'm aware part of it is teenage girl drama and bs. Just pissed off at being marginalized for no reason. Hell, last year, I waited an hour to two hours extra every day for her on her dad's Fridays for her to finish volleyball practice to pick her up (her dad is in a carpool since he drives a long ways to work) and went to almost every single game last year since again her dad was working/in carpool/taking night classes and her mother was dealing w thyroid issues (long story, no sympathy, she's a selfish bitch). FSD16 and I got in an argument a month or so ago and when I mentioned what I had done for her her response and I quote "I never ASKED you to do anything of that! That was on your own!"
Suddenly now this volleyball season (just started last week), Mommy who never gave a rat's ass before about FDH's work or school commitments suddenly volunteers to switch the drop off/pick up schedule. She will now bring FSD16 and her younger brother on Friday nights after practice and FDH will return them on Sundays. Oh, really? Where the f*** were you last year?? Or the year before that?? That's right - you were at bars or your friends' houses getting wasted because you have no hobbies or life other than drinking or sitting on your ass watching TV.
FSD20 has totally disconnected from FDH and claims I am a big reason even though I've never done anything but demand she treat her father with respect. Stupid me. Looks like FSD16 is gonna eventually go the same way at least with relations with me. My biokids are getting pretty pissed at her behavior. They feel she's rude, insulting, and selfish. My BD14 has expressed major disgust with how FSD16 treats me too.
I read this is normal with stepdaughters and stepmoms. Not right but normal. I am tired of this shit. I am far from perfect. I lose my cool, I do on occasion make a comment about the bitch ex wife, and I screw up. But this is a crock. FDH is sort of in the middle. I don't want him to talk to her to be blunt because I will be damned if I will chase after this brat for attention. There is nothing anyone can do. Guess I just have to suck it up, feel this way until I don't anymore and continue disengagement.
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Yep, stop doing things for
Yep, stop doing things for her if she is not going to treat you with respect. You've been a caring adult figure in her life, and even if she is a moody teenager there's no reason for her to treat you that way. Would you let your own children behave like that? If she is rude to your children as well, I'd say pack them up and go on a day outing when she is there. It is your SO's responsibility to address her attitude problems. Don't feel that he's doing it "just for you"...he is her father, and it is his job to discipline his child. If she is causing unnecessary stress in your family dynamic, nothing about that is ok. She has been part of the step family life for a long time it sounds like, so you can't just chalk it up to adjustment...she is trying to be the one in control when she's at your house. SO needs to lay down the law and set some grounds for how she behaves at your house.
Same happened to me. MSD and
Same happened to me. MSD and I used to be very close. So imagine my shock and surprise when I found out that she was stealing from me, making up lies about me and outright being hateful. I think that is why her betryal hurt so bad. I felt used. I felt like we were "friends" and that we had a good relationship. Her betrayal came out of left field. Once I caught on and confronted her about it, is when things really went to shit.
YSD and I have never had a really good relationship. At one time we could tolerate each other and "enjoy" being around each other. But that time has since passed. Once she saw the rift between MSD and I, she decieded to hate me even more.... which was fine.
OSD never liked me because of her sisters. And that is fine. She hasnt spent more then an hour with me total in 3 1/2 years I have been with her dad. She doesnt really know me.
SS and I used to have a close relationship, since he lived with us at one time. We still have a good relationship. I used to vent to him A LOT about stuff (maybe not good) about step life and he always seemed to sympathize and understand. I dont know if he ever went back and told his BM or sisters. Honestly at the time it never occurred to me, not until later. But it never came back to me, so really who knows. But now I dont talk to him about anything. We are cool but I dont see him that often.
Stepdaughters ugh! I am
Stepdaughters ugh! I am detached from ysd (BM2). After dh went thru lung cacer and chemo she came around. Even invited me to her baby shower. I was so honored! lol yeah right! We haven't seen her in months. That's ok by me. There is less stress in my life. Now, if OSD (BM !) would just move out! No chance of that for awhile. But, at least we get along. Well most of the time.
I thought everything was fine
I thought everything was fine with my SD23 until one day (when she was 15) I found out that she believed the lies about me that her mother had been telling her. She had never acted like she hated or resented me (until that day), so I was quite surprised.
She believed the lies about her father, too, which pissed me off even more.
We did set her straight on the facts but I do not feel the same about her anymore. So, I guess I've kind of sidelined her.
I'm sorry this is so
I'm sorry this is so upsetting for you after doing so much for your SD (hugs)
I don't feel like I can give advice, as SS is still only 4 and I have no experience of raising teens yet ..but just a thought, do you think it could just be teenage hormones?
I was so rude to my mom during my teens that it's upsetting to think about :/ but I grew out of it, and went back to being a normal human being again after the teenage crazy left my system lol!
I also don't know if this is a girl/ boy thing, as my mom said that my brother was *never* rude to her like I was when *he* was a teenager.
Unless something has happened (or she's been told something about you by BM that made her mad? regardless of wether it's true or not, these skids seem to believe anything that comes out of their bio parents mouths)
..then I wonder if it's possible that she'll grow past this anger towards you once she's safely out of teen years? Until then, (if that's all it is of course) I'd disengage and save yourself the heartache.