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I feel like my husband is breaking my spirit

cloudySM's picture

Submitted by cloudySM on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 3:26pm

He tells me I'm stupid and worthless. He puts his children over me no matter the situation. He takes advantage of me. He doesn't seem to care about my health or well being. Last night basically nailed the coffin shut. I was tired and not feeling well but that didn't stop him from begging for sexual favors. He called me a bitch just like BM. He gave me an ultimatum. If I keep refusing him sex he will find it else were eventually. I cried , instead of stopping he told me to stop crying its a turn off. I asked him to stop. He said to just let him finish. So i let him finish. Afterwards he got up and went to sleep on the couch.

I don't think I can do this anymore he isn't the man I fell in love with. He was playing a character. Its only been a couple of months but he and his ex wife and their children have put me through enough. He has shown himself more and more to be a monster of a man. We started off casually dating here and there that turned into s serious long distance relationship, then marriage. I should have gotten to know him better. Maybe I'm giving up to easily and I should fight for my marriage . Go to counseling and give it all I've got. My heart is just not in it.

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 3:37pm

Aren't you the one where the BM sent you a letter basically saying that your DH was not who he appears to be and that he only cares about his penis? Hate to say it but it sounds like she was right.

I don't normally advise divorce but this almost sounds like an abusive situation. Please get some help. And please do not have kids with this person.

cloudySM's picture

Submitted by cloudySM on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 4:25pm

I'm at a hotel right now. My parents want to get me a ticket to fly to stay with them and sort this mess out. I know this sounds crazy but I don't want to say I was raped. I didn't try to resist or push him off. I did say I wanted to stop once but I ended up just letting him finish. I just want to go away for a while clear my head and move on with my life. I feel embarrassed and like I've let myself down. After I posted here I called a hotline and they told me to just get out and not think twice. To follow my gut. So I did. I'm just broken or I feel broken.

learningallthetime's picture

Submitted by learningallthetime on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 5:03pm

Reading your posts sends shivers down my spine. I was raped at 18. It was horrible. My ex knew about this, and knew the situation. At first he was so caring, but after a little bit (less than a year), he would use it to his advantage. I remember lying dead still, terrified, with tears pouring down my face, while he "finished". He always had an excuse, but what he did was 1000 times worse than what that stranger ever did. I accepted it because I did not know normal, I thought this was normal, after all he said he loved me, and maybe my reaction was "off" due to my past.

Now, everytime I am near him I want to kill him for that, but I know I am better than that. Get away now! He is a scumbag. I know a lot of people who hate my ex (go figure) and they always ask what he looks like, my answer is always "no idea". I literally do not even see him now, I could not tell you what he is wearing, nothing. That is my healing, and funnily enough is the thing that bothers him the most.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 6:53pm

Rape is when one party forces sex on another person, by that definition you were absolutely raped.

And abused.

Get out now. Please get some help and get out of there. He is a son of a bitch who will continue to beat you down mentally, emotionally and physically.

You deserve so much better.

cloudySM's picture

Submitted by cloudySM on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 5:00pm

Thank you Millhouse. I'm not feeling like much of anything right now. I just feel so low and broken. I feel like just turning off my phone so i don't keep seeing his name popping up calling me. I feel like I'm hurting him. I know that may sound very stupid but I feel a little guilty. Yeah I'm going to turn my phone off.

Lavender's picture

Submitted by Lavender on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 5:30pm

Good girl for leaving that poisonous person. You deserve so much better! Don't you dare feel bad for him! You are not hurting him. He does not love you. If he loved you he would not:
*Call you stupid and worthless
*Take advantage of you
*Be uncaring of your health
*Give you an ultimatum: have sex with me or I'll cheat on you (WTF?)
And he most definately would not want have sex with you when you didnt want to! You were crying! What kind of a man can "finish" when the woman he is supposed to love is not into it at all? Obviously your feelings are worthless to him.

Stay as far away from him as you can. And forward that letter of warning to next poor woman he lures into his life.

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 5:41pm

Your fucktard of a husband had several huge cues to stop what he was doing. He didnt. Thats NOT normal. You told him, you cried, those cues did not stop him from focusing on getting his jollies vs stopping and checking if you were ok. Again NOT normal lovely.

Just because you didnt struggle or get lippy with him doesnt mean this cannot be classed as sexual abuse, I think society has misconceptions on this subject sadly. Your husband heard your request, he saw your distress and he told you to shut it as your distress was interfering with him getting his rocks off. That IS sick. I am so glad you are safe but please please consider your long term safety, dont feel guilt, this loser felt not one single bit of remorse while he was taking what he wanted from you, not your verbalisation of your discomfort and upset, not your tears. Instead his vile reaction was to tell you to shut it, after all how dare you cry over his abuse of you when he hadnt finished. He ignored the fact you didnt want it and took from you, you owe him NOTHING. He is the one who owes you, for the pain he has caused. Do not listen to his excuses or justifications because as said, he had plenty of opportunity to stop. He knew and he doesnt really care, if he did he would have stopped.

Stay safe, be smart and cover your arse legally. Hugs x

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Submitted by BarkAtTheMoon on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 5:45pm

Sending prayers and a big hug your way tonight....

I can't imagine being taken advantage of like that. Did you state that you've only been married a couple of months? Get out while it's still early. I'm so glad to hear that you're somewhere away from him tonight. Let him call you over and over, don't answer. He is an ass for what he's done to you. He manipulated you and took advantage of you. What an idiot.

Take a deep breath.

~ Moon

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 11:56pm

Ok - I have good news and bad news.

Bad news - you were raped. Any man that can do what he did to a woman feeling like you were at the moment raped you. Because your married and felt like you "should" have sex since he said "I will get it elsewhere" ...you have it confused in your mind. Trust us...you were raped.

Good news - you have no ties to him. Poor woman that made babies with this bastard is screwed. You just need to walk away. Go to your parents, get some counseling and move on to a better life.

Only you can make it better for you.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 08/21/2014 - 6:37am

Cloudy, I logged on here first thing to see what happened and I am SO glad you went to a hotel!

Let your parents get that ticket for you. They obviously love you and want to help. You don't have to tell them you were raped, but you should find a therapist to talk to about all of this.

Whatever you do, do NOT go back to that absolutely vile and poor excuse for a man. If you do, I guarantee he will become more of a monster than he already is.

I know you feel broken. It's an awful feeling. But you are stronger than you realize. You know something was wrong. You reached out for help and you did something about it. YOU LEFT.

(((hugs)))

StepLady's picture

Submitted by StepLady on Thu, 08/21/2014 - 6:42am

You deserve so much better! You can do it, you have support here, go to your family and let them shelter you for a bit, you will get stronger and stronger. You are not broken, he is the broken person. I will pray for you. Please stay here with us and keep us posted that you are ok. xoxo

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Thu, 08/21/2014 - 7:45am

Please please please...stay gone. This guy is a loser and tricked you. Let yourself mourn the marriage you THOUGHT you had. When you have completely healed, you will find someone 1000x better than this scumbag.

Please get counseling for yourself and work on building your self esteem. What he did IS rape. He had other options - not infidelity..but he DOES have two working HANDS he could have used instead! Just because you are married and just because you didn't struggle doesn't make it any less of a rape.

PLEASE LOVE YOURSELF AND STAY AWAY. Oh, and block him from your phone.