Where is BM maternal instincts?
Where oh where has BM maternal instincts gone? I don't get it. You have this baby growing in you for 9 months, wouldn't you get some connection with that? My SS8 and SS7 have had to watch their BM do so many selfish things in their liftime. And more than 3 years I have devoted my life to them. They live with BF and I full time and only see BM 6 hours total in a months time. And she constantly is telling them to not call me Mom. Where does she get that right? Just because she gave birth to them? I am 100 times more of a Mom to them then she WILL EVER be. The boys call me Mom still, no matter what she tells them. But it bothers me so much. I know it bothers her that I am their mother and she doesn't want them to call me that. I couldn't even imagine being where she's at, without the boys. Truly, she doesn't deserve to be called Mom or Mother. And I just can't figure out why in my head I can't let go of her not wanting them to call me Mom.
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Having a baby doesn't make
Having a baby doesn't make you a mom. Being there for a child, loving the child unconditionally, consoling them when they're sad, helping them with homework, taking care of them while they are sick, and just being present and tuned-in to them makes you a parent. I'm so sorry the boys have had to see all they've had to see thus far.
I'm a custodial SM too, and I can totally relate to you! Welcome!
That brings tears to my eyes
That brings tears to my eyes just knowing that what i have been feeling others also feel. It's nice to know I'm not alone and to know, YES I am a Mom. I didn't give birth to my SS7 and SS8, but I am their Mom!
Did you hear that? I AM THEIR MOM (if only BM could hear that, not that it would help)
If your step daughter thinks
If your step daughter thinks you more of a "mom" than her own that's wonderful that you are in her life, don't ever deny her that. What about all of the children that are adopted? They call there non bio parents mom and dad, correct? Just a thought. If she needs you to be that can't you?
Thanks for that feedback.
Thanks for that feedback. It's nice to hear a different point of view. I too do not back talk about BM to the boys. No matter how bad of a decision I know she has made for them. I always try to reassure the boys that she loves them and that we can not make decisions for others. Everyone makes their own decisions and we can try to influence those decisions, but we can't make them what we want them to be.
I feel you. It is sad
I feel you. It is sad sometimes how SMs make a lot of sacrifices and love the children that grew in their hearts instead of their womb.... and BMs sometimes even take that and try to make it seem bad.
Just because a person is a adult it doesn't mean they are responsible and mature. Sometimes self-fishness takes over a persons life to the core.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
I can't believe the amount
I can't believe the amount of women that lack this instinct especially after having a baby. Our BM has no maternal instincts and its sad. My ss has so many freaking issues because of that woman that its sick.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I couldn't imagine being a
I couldn't imagine being a BM and having my children call another woman Mom. It would hurt. But I was brought up with 2 sets of parents and they all tought me that having more parents meant more love. Not a one of them forced me to call my step parents Mom or Dad. I just started doing it. And we decided when that was happening when in another household we would refer to the other parents by their first names. Not out of disrespect, but just to make it easy on identifying who the kids are talking about.
I asked my BM (when I became an adult) if it bothered her that I called my SM, Mom. And she said no because she knew her place in my life. It didn't change our love for each other or the fact that she was still my Mom. It just meant I had more love. And that was a good thing for me, not a bad thing for her.