I agree with all of the OPs. It's IS a shame that there aren't financial advisors for blended families. Dh and I sure could have used one. But, do for one, do for all should be the motto. And, for whatever reason, times haven't changed all that much and fathers still seem to feel it's their job to pay for their daughters weddings regardless of their age. (Maybe not all, but many.) Although I am a SM, I am also a BM of 4 daughters (ages 22-30). One is getting married this year and, although many of you may disagree with me, I do NOT feel it is my responsibility to pay as their father was the breadwinner and agreed to that role when our DDs were babies. I stayed home while he climbed the corporate ladder. I make little as a receptionist and at 54 years old, certainly am not going to go back to college and "better myself" and get into student loan debt to do it! It IS what it IS. My ex never never had to worry about taking time off from work to care for a sick child or anything like that. He totally devoted himself to his job. I was paid alimony (after 25 years of marriage) for only a year and a half due to him losing his job during the divorce 7 years ago. He now lives off his second wife who makes good money. Do I care? No...we don't communicate, so I gave my DD28 who is getting married this year only as much as dh and I could afford. I was lucky enough to remarry a man who could allow me to even give ANYTHING. Without his income, I couldn't because my ex chose never to work again and my DDs know it. Dh and I both have some catching up to do in order to retire, so will never go overboard in helping our adult children, but will always help with weddings somewhat ONLY because we both know it is the right thing to do. But, if I didn't have dh, my DDs know I'd have nothing to give. We also recently had to loan SS31 some money to buy a car. So, Jen_h, it does appear that you think once a child is over 18, you are home free. Yea...good luck. Kids in their 20's certainly AREN't what they were 30 years ago. Kids who were raised with money, like mine and obviously your skids, feel a sense of entitlement and often need help in their 20's. Is some of this we parents' fault? Certainly. I had to go through the last few years seeing dh enable his drug addicted son. Count your blessings your dh's kids at least are normal young adults who ARE basically on their own. Luckily, my first marriage lasted long enough for neither one of us to go on and have children with other spouses, so our kids are our kids. Do YOUR kids have a father and will HE contribute to future expenses (college, weddings, etc..)?

Out of DHs 6 kids, 2 adult SDs were already married before I came in the picture, and 2 adult SSs got married in the past 5 years. The 2 SSs planned very, very expensive weddings and honeymoons, and after everything was booked, then the 2 idiots came to DH (NOT DH and me) and asked for money – money we did NOT have!

I finally had to tell DH that it’s great that SSs have all of these fantasy weddings and events but NOT at the expense of US; if THEY want all the trimmings then let THEM pay for it; no one paid for ours! In the end DH gave them $2,000 each and they still continue to bitch to this day; of course, they HAD to have the wedding of the year, and of course, they charged everything and they’re still paying on it! To me, that makes no sense and no way to start a marriage.

So he had to pay his ex wife alimony while she was shacking up with some other guy out of state? Did she have to pay any child support to your husband for the kids or did she give them up?

Nice to want to pay for a wedding but in this day and age, most people worry about paying for heat, hot water, electricity and food.

I think the days of the bride's parents footing the entire bill is old fashioned and over, especially in this economy. My parents offered to pay for part of my first wedding, but I certainly didn't expect it nor ask for it. My boyfriend's daughter is evidently engaged according to her FB relationship status (although he has not heard about it from her). She better not EVEN expect a dime from us to marry her out-of-work thug criminal POS BF. And if my BF even entertains contributing one cent to this fiasco, I'm outta here.

It was bad enough that my BF & I didn't even have enough money to put a down payment on a wedding hall due to all the money he "loaned" (gave) his DD, that I did not know about. As to the OP, if he is willing to bankrupt yall to pay for his DD's wedding - I am not sure what to tell you, other than counseling, psychological and financial.

His daughter and her boyfriend have lived together for 5 years. She has balls but she is an entitled spoiled bitch. I went thru the same thing with SS35...who owed DH money. He still had balls to ask for money for his wedding rehearsal. He and his bride had been living together for 5 years.

My first wedding cost $25K+ and that marriage lasted 2.5 years. My second wedding cost $500 and we will celebrate our 20th anniversary with a vow renewal and celebration next month. The ROI for my two weddings is not even comparable. $5000/yr Vs. $25/yr and declining. Our renewal and celebration will be spendy but at this stage of our lives it will be a non issue financially.

My XILs approached my parents to pay for half of the wedding. My parents agreed but only on the condition that the entire wedding pot be given to us to do with as we wished. If we wanted to blow it on a wedding that was fine in my parent’s eyes but better if we invested it or put the money down on a house. My XILs refused. My XMIL insisted that he daughter have a wedding that would be noted on the social pages of the newspaper. So my parents refused to pay for half and covered only the rehearsal dinner the tuxedos and the flowers which is traditional for the parents of the groom. My XILs were pissed off to no end particularly when they figured out that the cathedral was still decked out with the Christmas flowers since we married on Jan 2. My dad just shrugged and gave my XILs the look when they got pissy about the flowers. }:)

If DH insists on paying for SD 24's wedding to her baby daddy/live in fuck buddy I say DH gives SD $500 and the phone number for Love's Lake Tahoe Wedding Chapel, slaps her on the ass, and wishes she and her baby daddy/fiancé bon-voyage. The two of you can go to Tahoe for a vacation at the same time and go to the wedding to do the happy parent/Sparent thing.

24yo and having already spawned out of wedlock forfeits any parental support for a wedding IMHO. As it is household/marital assets that DH is proposing to spend on SD-24's very late wedding I would veto that shit in a hurry were I you. If DH continues to consider it point out that your divorce will cost him far more than $700/mo for 7 years.

Time for you and DH to look at your own financial situation and let the adult children stand on their own two feet or crash and burn by their own efforts and decisions.

Generally I am a proponent of be fair to all of the kids but that applies only to the kids that meet family expectation of behavior. If I am going to pay for the weddings of my daughters (if I had any) and one got knocked up out of wedlock paying for a wedding would be crossed off of the column for that kid. I may still pay for college but not a wedding for that kid. The same applies for kid who shacks up with an SO for an extended time then decides to get married. Living with your fuck buddy for countless years? Don't call me to pay for your wedding. I do not know what acceptable is regarding behavior and me paying for a wedding. It is one of those I will know it when I see it things.

IMHO of course.