Please I need advice,husband wants to pay for his adult daughters wedding but I don't agree.I feel it's unfair to other children
I met my husband 6 yrs ago. He's10 yrs older, 3 kids from his previous marriage & 1 from before he was married. I have 2 from my previous marriage(So 6 between us)he had his 3 living with him full time. His ex left the state to move in with a man. She sees her kids 1 to 2 times a year. Even though my husband had full custody he still had to pay her $700 a month in alimony. So once we were together we were paying for everything for his kids + her alimony each month. We paid for all his kids needs including first cars, insurance ,20,000 out of pocket for his daughters college and his son currently in college. His alimony was for 7 years and thank god ended last year. she has never contributed a thing for these kids! She also collects $750 a month in ssi because she's "depressed and can't work" & whatever her boyfriend makes for a living. Meanwhile we're living in a house that's falling apart and we're supposed to be saving to buy a new home together. I save every penny & sacrifice many things to do so. I drive a 14yo truck while his kids have much newer cars. now his daughter is getting married. She is 24 (will be 25) and has lived with her boyfriend going on 5 years with a child. My husband tells me today he plans to pay for the wedding next summer. I thought we we're going to pay for the pics and/or flowers(a couple thousand)I feel like my children & I r getting the short end of the stick. I know we will not be paying for the other kids weddings & he didn't pay for his daughters wedding from his first relationship. A lot of money has been spent on his 3 children (now all adults) including paying for things that I don't agree with like speeding tickets that he'll pay for without me knowing. I am starting to feel as if it's selfish and unfair to myself and my children. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Do you separate or combine
Do you separate or combine finances? Please keep in mind it's not your husband's job to pay for your kids. Just like it's not yours to pay for his. If he can come up with the money to do this on his own he should be able to do that.
We completely do our finances
We completely do our finances together. We have always agreed on that and never understood how some couples keep it separate. Like I said we are suppose to be buying a new home together.
Sorry about my topic being
Sorry about my topic being repeated this is my first time on this site
Once again I apologize that
Once again I apologize that my forum is repeated.... I do own my home. It was I home I rented out years ago but I had to move into it after my divorce. I do feel it is wrong to the other children just for the fact that his children are all adults, my youngest son
Just turned 16. How will we afford to get him a car, send him to college or pay for the other children's weddings. My husband has a new wife another daughter and my children to also take into consideration . He can't do everything for just the 3.
The daughter is 25 and living
The daughter is 25 and living with this man for 5 years. I see nothing wrong with thinking like most ppl. They should be paying for part of the wedding and it would be nice for her father, her mother and also the grooms family to help them with it
As a 28 year old, I find it
As a 28 year old, I find it selfish of you to be at odds about this. It's his daughter's wedding for God's sake. And what he is doing is very traditional. My Mom has said she wants to pay for my wedding, and thankfully I talked her down to only paying for the venue.
Yes my mother has other children, my twin sister. Who up and got married without telling us, so my wedding is my Mom's chance to do all the those things she's dreamed of doing. She herself had a court house wedding, so she's kind of going a bit hog wild with all of it. But, she wants to, and while I put my foot down about the monogrammed aisle runner (and other things I won't use after the wedding) I am pretty much letting her have her fun with it.
Now that isn't to say his daughter shouldn't put a bit of a fuss, and think about your financial situation, but this whole situation with in reason, is nothing you should have a say in really.
It's quite easy to have a tasteful and fanciful wedding with a budget.
So far I have managed to keep everything down to about 3k for 100 people. And that's for a fully fledged southern vintage style wedding (not country. There is a difference) It can be done right and under budget.
ETA: Good Lord I would hope she is an adult, paying for a wedding for a child bride would be gross!
This is what I did for my DD
This is what I did for my DD and will do the same for my son when he gets married next year. I told them both, I would give them $6000.00 for their wedding expenses. They could use it for the whole thing, they could use it for partial, they could use it for the honeymoon, or they could put it in a savings account. But that was my contribution. No more and no less.
My DD used the whole $6000.00 and her and her DH paid the rest. Maybe try to talk him into a certain amount. It could get really expensive to just say.."I will pay for the wedding!"
I actually do not think you are being selfish at all.
I'm in the minority here I
I'm in the minority here I believe but I don't think anyone should pay for their kids whole wedding. Perhaps help a bit or give a nice cash gift at the wedding but the days are long over that we have to pay to get our daughter married off. Young adults have a life time of earning potential whereas unless you are sure to have enough to retirement and live somewhat comfortably our potential to bring in future income is lessened due to age. My dad and mom (divorced) each gave a nice gift that helped us to pay off wedding expenses but DH and I saved and scrimped for our wedding. It would have never occurred to me that my parents would pay for me to get married. Don't get me wrong, it would be one thing if I had a bank load of money but I don't. And I certainly would not give them the 20% down I have been saving for a house. No you don't NEED 20% down but if you go FHA with only 3.5% down you will be paying PMI for the lifetime of the loan and that is a long and expensive 30 year mortgage. Such an entitled generation we have out there. And on top of that they have lived together and have a kid....wow.
I'll be in the minority here,
I'll be in the minority here, too. After five years and being a mom herself, she ought to have gotten used to the idea of adult life by now. The two should pay for it themselves. Both sets of parents can make generous contributions if they want, such as for the venue or something. But there should not be an endless draw on Dad's resources for what is an essentially fantasy party. If you can't afford it, it's a fantasy!
Read the advice columns such as Miss Manners once in awhile. When parents are paying for the wedding, mayhem often ensues. Control issues blossom like mushrooms. Feelings are hurt all over the place. Grudges are born and last for decades.
Pay for it themselves, keep control of it, act like grownups, be grownups. Have the party they can afford. It can be as beautiful as they want, it does NOT have to have truckloads of taffeta and golden confetti. My niece and nephew in law were only 21 when they married. Paid for it themselves. Had Boston Market cater it. It couldn't have been more beautiful. And we all adore and RESPECT them. 10 years later they are more financially secure than most of their elders.
His children are his
His children are his responsibility. If he wants to pay for his daughter's wedding then that's his right to do so. When your children get married one day i would think your ex husband and yourself would be the ones to help pay for it. If your husbands ex can't afford to pay for the wedding or doesn't want to, then that's your husbands issue and not your own. Worry about your own children and let your husband deal with his own. Just have him use half of your combined savings since half of it is yours and its not your responsibility to pay for his daughters wedding