Husband wants to pay for his adult daughters wedding and I feel it's unfair to the other children. Please share your opinions
I met my husband 6 yrs ago. He's10 yrs older, 3 kids from his previous marriage & 1 from before he was married. I have 2 from my previous marriage(So 6 between us)he had his 3 living with him full time. His ex left the state to move in with a man. She sees her kids 1 to 2 times a year. Even though my husband had full custody he still had to pay her $700 a month in alimony. So once we were together we were paying for everything for his kids + her alimony each month. We paid for all his kids needs including first cars, insurance ,20,000 out of pocket for his daughters college and his son currently in college. His alimony was for 7 years and thank god ended last year. she has never contributed a thing for these kids! She also collects $750 a month in ssi because she's "depressed and can't work" & whatever her boyfriend makes for a living. Meanwhile we're living in a house that's falling apart and we're supposed to be saving to buy a new home together. I save every penny & sacrifice many things to do so. I drive a 14yo truck while his kids have much newer cars. now his daughter is getting married. She is 24 (will be 25) and has lived with her boyfriend going on 5 years with a child. My husband tells me today he plans to pay for the wedding next summer. I thought we we're going to pay for the pics and/or flowers(a couple thousand)I feel like my children & I r getting the short end of the stick. I know we will not be paying for the other kids weddings & he didn't pay for his daughters wedding from his first relationship. A lot of money has been spent on his 3 children (now all adults) including paying for things that I don't agree with like speeding tickets that he'll pay for without me knowing. I am starting to feel as if it's selfish and unfair to myself and my children. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
My husband makes a good
My husband makes a good living but after paying for all of those things it is very hard to save any money. I have a good amount saved from before I was with him but it is not the full amount we will need for the 20 percent needed to put down on our new house.
I oppose it because I've been
I oppose it because I've been waiting a few years now for us to buy a home together and I also think it's wrong to pay for one child's wedding if you can't pay for all the children's weddings.
I do own my home it's an old
I do own my home it's an old house I use to rent out years ago but I had to move into after my divorce. Sueu2 I have a feeling you're the mom who's husband got remarried and you are not seeing things objectively. I'm not at all being selfish. I feel like most ppl that a 25 yo who has started a family and is living with the man for almost 5 years now can pay for part of the wedding and that it would be nice for her father, mother and the grooms family to help them with it. Again his children are adults my youngest just turned 16. How will we afford to get him a car, pay for his college or pay for any of the other children's weddings. We are in the middle of trying to buy a new home and can't afford to do all of those things for all of the children. It just be about those 3 children and not the same for his daughter from his previous relationship prior to his first wife or about my children. We do everything together as husband and wife and all of the children should be treated the same.
Me personally, if ALL the
Me personally, if ALL the children are/were in yours and your OH's custody, and as a couple you have maintained and bought up the children together, then the rules have to be fair across the board.
I agree with most of the posters saying that as the daughter has moved out, she should pay the majority of her own wedding, and have assistance from family if they choose to help.
I think with your 16yr old being ready for college, I think that you OH should maybe consider checking finances first to ensure that both can be afforded, and if not the 16yr old should be afforded the same benefit as the older children of his education.
Sometimes, dads are never free of the payouts to the SKids.....in my house (he moved in with me) I dont pay for or towards the SKids, I work to support the home he shares with me and to support my daughter only......although he is sh*t at maintaining his kids as is BM, so I have bought ALOT for SD6.....even Christmas is split now, as it was me that put 70% towards the SKids whilst he did 30%....and he earns more than me! I always paid for my BD on my own too. This suits me to be honest.....Id rather not pay for the expectant ungrateful SKids and there demands.
Sorry, at 25 with a kid
Sorry, at 25 with a kid already and living with the guy? Nope, she needs to pay her own wedding. Your husband's responsibility is to the family living under his roof or underage elsewhere, that's it.
By the way, what type of
By the way, what type of wedding is also a huge factor here…Is she having a small wedding at her house? Or is she one of these brides who has been living with someone for 5 yrs, has a kid and expects Daddy to pay for her 50K-100K wedding? lol PS mine cost me exactly 1,500USD with 40 people at a great restaurant…I had already been with DH for years and paid for it 100%…throughout the wedding, we talked with my parents as we invited many of their friends who were also our friends, so our parents knew how much we were spending…they were in AWE of how much money we saved, how we managed to do so much with such little money and after the wedding, gave us a big chunk of cash which covered most of the wedding…We didn't ask for it, to them it was a gift and their view was "they paid 20 times that for my sister's wedding 20yrs before and had never paid a dime for a wedding for me…" but we did not ask for it, did not expect it and had an incredibly cheap wedding making most things ourselves, getting a student photographer from local university who charged us 50USD for pics, found a restaurant that charged 10USD per plate, my husband wore one of his regular suits, I wore a 27USD dress"...
I think you set a limit and
I think you set a limit and that is what you give each kid. Beyond that, I hope your finances are separate because otherwise, you will always resent this type of spending.
I'm in the minority here I
I'm in the minority here I believe but I don't think anyone should pay for their kids whole wedding. Perhaps help a bit or give a nice cash gift at the wedding but the days are long over that we have to pay to get our daughter married off. Young adults have a life time of earning potential whereas unless you are sure to have enough to retirement and live somewhat comfortably our potential to bring in future income is lessened due to age. My dad and mom (divorced) each gave a nice gift that helped us to pay off wedding expenses but DH and I saved and scrimped for our wedding. It would have never occurred to me that my parents would pay for me to get married. Don't get me wrong, it would be one thing if I had a bank load of money but I don't. And I certainly would not give them the 20% down I have been saving for a house. No you don't NEED 20% down but if you go FHA with only 3.5% down you will be paying PMI for the lifetime of the loan and that is a long and expensive 30 year mortgage. Such an entitled generation we have out there. And on top of that they have lived together and have a kid....wow.
This is what I did for my DD
This is what I did for my DD and will do the same for my son when he gets married next year. I told them both, I would give them $6000.00 for their wedding expenses. They could use it for the whole thing, they could use it for partial, they could use it for the honeymoon, or they could put it in a savings account. But that was my contribution. No more and no less.
My DD used the whole $6000.00 and her and her DH paid the rest. Maybe try to talk him into a certain amount. It could get really expensive to just say.."I will pay for the wedding!"
I actually do not think you are being selfish at all.
I would talk to him and he
I would talk to him and he would only have to pay for half of that wedding and if it is in the buget period