Was going to post on another thread, but probably wouldn't get many responses and didn't want to jack it, so here goes nothing.

I'm fairly convinced my H has some sort of PD.

When SD was living here, there was constant chaos, divide and conquer, tension and turmoil. He never really seemed to want to stop any of it and would often throw gas on the fire or subtly instigate things himself or cause chaos by setting me up to fail or be RA'd by him and SD and BM.

The conclusion I draw from this is it's easier to hide behind all that and prevent others from seeing the truth. I believe they both might have some kind of PD. BM too.

Things have calmed down considerably compared to early days. Me and the kids are "onto" him. We kind of sit back and wait for his crazy to go away. We've all discussed and understand PD and narcissism.

My BS is in hot water for letting his grades plummet while he was hyperfocused on an extracurricular school activity. He does have enough credits to graduate, but I was shocked when I saw that he was potentially failing two of his best subjects! (He is caught up now, after being grounded and feverishly working through the holiday weekend to catch up missed assignments) He didn't want to go to grad night because he thinks it's a waste of money. Most of the kids in his class went on the senior trip and he was marked absent from one period where his teacher was late and he was the only student who showed up due to senior trip. His report cards don't show that he is ditching or anything and the school rarely calls and when they do, he can usually clear it up. Report cards prove it because they list absences and tardies.

I remembered him telling me about the trip as I was dropping him off. He said, "There they go" or something. Lots of students there early with luggage and backpacks, ready to board the bus.

H was so desperately trying corner my son. He told me he didn't believe what he said about the students being gone on the senior trip and that the senior trip was probably on a different weekend BC holiday weekend would be more expensive. He decided I had better call the school and check it out.

I said "Why don't you look it up on the HS website?" knowing it would be there.

And it was.

Also, when he came home from work, he accused me of being wired. IDK if he really thought it or was trying to start a fight but I would never be wired like he's talking about. Hell, I don't even drive over the speed limit! Who would I buy from? I don't know anybody. I'm really not stupid enough to even think of doing anything like that. It used to hurt my feelings that he thought I might be that stupid, but now I see it for just trying to make me feel shitty. His issue, not mine.

All the time there are these silly little jockeys for control on his part. Little things like being big and hard to work around(on purpose and cranky if we almost bump into each other-cooking for example). Saturating the yard after being told I'm planning to pull weeds. Shoving into the sink to finish dishes(looks like he's only trying to help but is really only wanting to take over), suddenly having question after question to ask me while I'm on the phone to my mom. Accuses me of not being the parent when I never even get a chance. When there is an issue, I am watching and trying to formulate the best course of action in my mind instead of just blowing the roof off the house the minute I find out. Before I can do anything, he's right on top of it and so wrapped up in his end of it I can't get a word in edgewise. By now, I'm so disgusted with HIS behavior that I lose focus on the original issue at hand and resent him.

Don't get me wrong. He really has been decent to BS overall. And I do appreciate having help. I really do. I only start to question things when all the 'help" is really seeming like control, dominance, putting me in my place or trying to make me doubt myself. Like the constant comments on my driving when he wanders out of the lane all the time when he's driving.

Most of these things seem like such small petty things, but when they are continuously going on, 24/7 it's not a coincidence, IMO. It is a game plan. His game seems to be always make sure he has the upper hand, like I'm not his wife but some kind of opponent or a threat that has to be stopped no matter what the cost.

I used to try and figure out why he does this. I don't anymore. It's just who he is, what he does and what he's made of. Nothing I do or don't do can ever change it because as I change so will the rules. I just try and let it roll off and wait for his crazy to settle. I used to kind of feel sorry for him because I thought he was insecure. Now I just find it irritating and let him think he won and I have no clue what he's doing as the contempt builds with every new instance of his game playing.

What kind of monkey poo do your PD family members fling at you?