Grandparents rights.... WTF
Ok so after the stress of the origin trial my DHs family has pretty much disowned me. I should have done this, I should have done that, I should have made sure DH had everything ready to go. Now they are starting more shit.
DHs dad is taking BM back to court for visitation. He has not talked to DH about this but he has already talked to one lawyer and now wants me to fax him a bunch of stuff for his next lawyer. WTF. BM is just starting to talk to us like humans again and now he wants to throw another wrench in the relationship. She is never going to trust us, or even give us the benefit of a doubt if this shit does not stop. Best case senario is that she stops talking to us, worse case senario is that she files an harassement suit. This is too much. They haven't even called her to ask if they can see SD. They just want to start more shit.
What are we supposed to do?
I want to call BM and let her know that we have nothing to do with this, but I know that since they haven't filed anything yet it will be seen as sabotage to the in-laws.
When does this stop? I don't want to have my SD if it means that my "family" has driven her mom insane from constant court shit. Are they even thinking about the kid?
Has anyone else been through this?
- Thetis's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Is she trying to stop your
Is she trying to stop your husband's parents from seeing thir grandchild? Can they see the child when she visits with your DH or is he not allowing them to see the child either?
This is all brand new. We
This is all brand new. We just finished the trial in early October. We have had one visit with SD. As far as we know we wont be seeing her until Christmas. But as I said this is all new. We need to cool off and then have a sit down chat with BM.
I have to state again that they have not even tried to call BM to work anything out. We would know because we have her phone number. My mom has called her to talk to SD, who she loves dearly. She is cheerful and respectful to my mother so I do not see why she would not be to DHs father.
I think they are just on a war path and out for blood because this woman is "unfit" in their eyes. (Mine too but you can't always change everything you don't like)
I would kindly ask FIL to
I would kindly ask FIL to hold off until the dust settles. Make sure your DH's and BM's parenting relationship is intact or at least on the right track. Maybe FIL can take visitation while skid is with you guys?
He hasn't talked to us. He
He hasn't talked to us. He has been refusing to talk to me and my DH is so upset with him that he can bearly say more then two words (and this was before this new development.)
He's refusing to talk with
He's refusing to talk with you and your DH, yet has the audacity to ask you and your DH for paperwork so he has proof of something to hold over BM's head? He hasn't even attempted to contact BM to see SD? Tell him to take a flying leap. You'll be saving him a lot of money and hassle, because that's what a judge will tell him also.
Ugh I KNOW my mother would
Ugh I KNOW my mother would be one to sue for "grandparent" visitation if something like that ever happened...I feel your pain honey. Talk to BM or send her an email, just be open and upfront with her and maybe throw in a "i'm sorry I can't control their actions, it is my hope that you won't feel this is because of something we've done."
"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." *Anais Nin*
Yea thats what I'm hoping to
Yea thats what I'm hoping to do once I talk to DH. I don't want her to get angry with us. Shes not the sole guardian but she has primary custody and she can make our lives alot worse then they are now.
exactly. I know it's hard to
exactly. I know it's hard to cowtow to someone else but when the BM has primary custody she basically holds the power over DH and ultimately you. The hope is that she remains decent about it and this whole thing just blows over. It's unfortunate the grandparents can't understand they need to just be patient and mature about this whole visiting thing.
"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." *Anais Nin*
Well if the relationship is
Well if the relationship is strained with you and his son, he probably figures he will not get to see his grandchild. Not saying that you guys would withhold the girl from him, but as a grandparent I can understand not wanting to rely on a strained relationship with to see and know his grandchild.
Ohh I'm not the BM. Yes the
Ohh I'm not the BM. Yes the relationship is strained between the two parents but its has been getting better. I think the "little girl" is actually growing up now and anything more this family does to her is just going to hinder this growth. It takes alot to be friends with an ex, and coparenting takes soo much more then just being friends. I can see this blowing up in our faces.
well, i would say that it
well, i would say that it isnt your place to tell bm, i would urge dh to do it. If keeping the peace with bm is what you want.
fil can do what ever he wants but hes not going to get any where.
my mil threatened me and dh with grand parents rights about ss and any kids we have. My mom knowing that mil is Satan, got on the phone called a bunch of lawyers and called the head person in charge of the child services for our county (her friend).
There really is no such thing as grandparents rights! they will go to court, the judge will ask dh if in laws can see skid when with you...end of story.
if skid isnt with you much then they may ask if skid can see in laws for set approved times at HER(bm) convenience. BUT all the lawyers he calls should tell him this, and unless he has an endless pot of money for lawyer fees, he (if hes smart) will not pursue legal action.
Umm well he does have an
Umm well he does have an endless pot....
even with that, most likely
even with that, most likely it wont go any where unless he can prove that it is harming the child. As soon as dh says that fil can see skid when with you, the judge will end it.
even with all the hell mil has put dh and i through, dh was still allowing mil to see ss when he was with us....because in the big picture, ss loves his grandma since hes still too young to see how sick and twisted she is, so why with hold him from her when in the end it could back fire. Lucky for us, mil decided she wanted to be a truly raging bitch and has remained buddy buddy with bm, and only sees ss though bm. lucky for me, we have NOTHING TO DO with mil. actually mil is watching ss once again for bm while she is in court with my dh trying to get full custody and more money from my dh.....oh what a great mom, just another mother of the year!
maybe if dh talks to bm, she can call fil to set up some type of arrangement for them to see skid and just nip it all before all this happens....but if it were me, i would have dh tell bm you have nothing to do with it, and if she needs any thing to please contact you....then let fil spend as much as his heart desires for a stupid fight that wont get him any where
Thats a great way of looking
Thats a great way of looking at it. Its tough because we have to decide which relationship is more important, because if we help BM then FIL will freak, but if we help FIL we will lose more time with our daughter. Idk I have to talk to DH. He knows nothing about this yet.
Oh and new message on my
Oh and new message on my answering machine....
If I don't provide them with the information they are asking for, then they are going to call DH at work and make him come home to get it. (FIL is DHs boss... :-S)
THIS IS NOT MY RESPONSIBLITY! Everytime I talk to these people they are telling me that I have done something else wrong. So I'm just not going to do anything for them and not pick up the phone when I see their number. God I'm so done with this shit.
Anyone here from Alaska? Is it nice there? I might be heading north soon enough. Or East... maybe Newfoundland... My dad has a plot of land near the ocean. I'm sure I can survive in a tent right? (lol)
I would call BM and let her
I would call BM and let her know. The grandparent is being unreasonable. No, they are not thinking about the kid... they are being selfish. If the parents are taking care of the kids, there is no reason for a grandparent to seek visitation. Why are they going above DH to see the kid? Why not just ask DH or BM to see the kid every now and then? I don't understand why the need to go to court let alone against BM. Doesn't DH have some custody?
I'm glad I don't have a grandparent that pushes for time with my child. They are too busy enjoying retirement! Since I don't have 100% custody of BS, I'm very stingy with my time with my son. I don't usually leave my son with anyone unless I'm at work. If I'm not at work, and he's not with his dad, he's with me. Period.
I feel the same way. When we
I feel the same way. When we had EOW, before BM decided to move out of province, I just wanted to be with my SD. We never got a babysitter, because we had a full week where we didn't have her anyways. FIL is just being an arrogant jerk, he thinks he's better then BM and her family, so he should be entitled for more then what he has.
I think he's also doing this because he knows that he has pissed DH off to the point where he will not go out of his way to visit with FIL anymore. It was always OUR responsibilty to bring SD over. FIL lives in the same town as us for half the time but he could not be bothered to come visit us. He felt I should have to make a big show for him. He would not just come over for coffee with DH, it had to be a big fancy dinner. Even after the trial we tried to make plans to go out for lunch as a family and he just didn't show. I'm going to be crucified for this but if this goes to court I'm on the BMs side. She has been hard to work with but she does not deserve this.
I would talk to my lawyer.
I would talk to my lawyer.
We don't have one. Thats
We don't have one. Thats another piss off. FIL and his girlfriend convinced DH he didn't need a lawyer and now they're getting one?
Ok so update: I called DH at
Ok so update:
I called DH at work to let him know what FIL is planning (since he said they're going to call him at work if I dont call back). He has done his usual "switch off" thing and would not agree with me that this should not be happening. I went to my moms house to vent. Well I'm home now and I don't know if he rushed home to help them or not but the papers are in the same place they were in when I left and he's not here, hes at work.
This is sooo wrong and I hope the lawyer they talk to tell them they have no case.
Update to the update: FILs
Update to the update:
FILs GF just called and left a message for DH on the answering machine. I guess he has tried to find the forms. Shes telling him not to worry about looking for them to just get more copies from the court registry and fax them. FUCK! This is not right and this could be the end of me and DH. If he is going to help them start more shit that does not need to be started then he can FUCK OFF. NO ONE deserves to be harassed with court cases. SHE WON. BOTTOM LINE! Leave it the fuck alone untill she messes up again. This is DUMB and CRUEL. FIL couldn't have been bothered to see SD when she was around more and now he wants to drag BM to court without even talking to her? WTF! Goddamnit I'm shaking again. I can't keep dealing with this shit. They are just being mean right now. This is no way in the best interest of the child. This is just spiteful shit.