We have kids all about the same age. His two openly admit to drinking and smoking pot. Their parents have told them that they disapprove of such, but their kids basically are defiant and refuse to stop. Apparently, most of their friends are into both the drinking and drugs. Ironically, their parents just raised their allowances, wonder where that money will be spent...

My child does none of that stuff, and is not around friends who behave that way. The other day she was talking which my husband and I about her new boyfriend, and in discussing what she like about him she remarked that she likes that he cares about his grades, has nice manners and does not drink or do drugs. Later that night when we were alone, husband and myself, I said, " I like that this boyfriend is so wonderfully nerdy like my daughter." My husband replied, "you mean unlike my kids who drink and smoke." I did not know what to say as he said it with an edge although I was rubbing his face in it. innocent remarks often go this way...

I ended up replying, "well would you want your daughter dating a guy who drinks and smokes pot?" That stopped him. It bears a bigger issue though, he makes noises about our kids doing things together, and I frankly do not want them to for obvious reasons, plus I think that both of his kids are angry and resentful, and I am afraid that they might try to embarrass or hurt her. How do you deal with diplomatically saying "no thanks." His kids don't really want to spend time with myself or my child anyway, so it is more him wanting this semblance of unity and family than anyone else. I have accepted the situation that his kids really do not want to have anything to do with me, but he seems unable to accept such.