Conflict over sharing limited space for the holiday
My spouse has had his adult child in our apartment for a week now. It is a small space because his divorce left him penniless, and we bought what I could afford. From the day we had the space which we knew would be small and able to host only one at a time, I asked for three days where I knew my adult child could be here without question, my birthday, Christmas Eve and Christmas. Well here we are and it is 12/23 and there has been no effort made on my spouse’s part to impart on his child that my child will be coming and the space is needed. He came up with the idea that he would pay for a hotel room and they would stay there. My problem with this is it is 100s of dollars which he really cannot afford, and that this means I know will be expected to share this time with his child who has never been pleasant to anyone on this holiday in part because he does not celebrate it and never has. When I told my husband that I did not want another holiday tense and ruined he became offended. Is it wrong to just want a couple of days with my child on a holiday that only we celebrate? My spouse is able to be pleasant on the day, so I enjoy sharing it with him even if he does none of the work or pays for anything. She cannot stay longer than the time because she will be traveling. It is so frustrating that I feel that my side is not being respected or understood! Advice please!!!
Where does his skid live? Why
Where does his skid live? Why can't he go home if he doesn't celebrate Christmas?
He could go home, but has
He could go to his mother’s home, but has chosen not to which would have been fine any other time, but I was very upfront about the space being able to be used for myself and my daughter. He does not want to have to tell his adult child that it is time to go, so my adult child can use the space for two days. There is a history of everyone needing to tiptoe around what could be potential hurt feelings on the part of his child.
Oh for goodness sake. Can you
Oh for goodness sake. Can you ask him nicely if he can vacate (on his own dime, not daddy's), while your daughter is there? Is he really that precious?
No if I did that I would face
No if I did that I would face extreme upset from my husband about not making his child feel welcome. I asked him why he did not simply explain before hand that he was welcome anytime but the 24th and 25th, but he chose not to do this. Now he is angry with me for suggesting that I would rather not have to worry about the potential tension. Our children our polite to each other but not close because my spouses child did not want a relationship with my child.
Oh, I see - so there is room
Oh, I see - so there is room for her, but she and skid don't like each other. Well, maybe you and she should go to the hotel.
I cannot cook at the hotel
I cannot cook at the hotel and it would be quite a bit to drag everything. Frankly, I do not think that I should have to leave. The spouse’s child has been here for days and my husband knew that my child was to come for two days. I feel like I should not have to leave honestly! If my child wanted to visit at a time that I knew my spouse’s child would be here I have always said no, and that another time would need to be chosen.
There is room for only one child at a time! There is not enough space for both!
Plus my spouse’s child has not wanted a friendship with my child which is fine, but it means time shared is difficult!
You shouldn't have to leave.
You shouldn't have to leave. But if you won't speak to the kid yourself and DH won't do it either, what choice do you have? Either stay and deal with it, or go.
You are correct. I need to
You are correct. I need to vent because I am frustrated! It is not his child that I have a problem with. I have accepted that there is no desire to be more than polite, and we both respect each other and all is fine. It is my husband who thinks only of the potential hurt feelings of his child and expects everyone else to change to accommodate. I probably will just end up going elsewhere which bugs me to no end!
Your DH is wrong. You clearly
Your DH is wrong. You clearly talked about the visit previously and agreed upon the days your bio would visit.
Your bio is arriving on time and leaving as discussed. Your DH needs to have skid make other arrangements.
Simple convo: skid while I enjoy having you stay Modern and I already agreed for her bio to stay over the holiday. You are welcome to return after such date however you will need to make other area arrangements while bio is here.
The end. No paying for hotel room (unless you do not share finances then oh well he can spend his money or whatever he chooses), no further discussion.
You are utterly correct and
You are utterly correct and in any normal family he would have just told his child this up front, so everyone would understand. Now of course if I try to say that to his child I become the villain for potentially causing his child to feel unwelcome. Plus I have tried celebrating Christmas with his child for three years, and he was tense and unpleasant. I just don’t want to go through that again.
DH is definitely in the wrong
DH is definitely in the wrong, but as I see it, here are your choices:
1. Stay and deal with surly stepkid slamming doors
2. You and DD go to hotel
3. DH and stepkid go to a hotel, no coming back for Christmas Eve or Day - they stay at hotel since they don't celebrate anyway
4. You say something yourself to stepkid even if it upsets DH and make him leave.
I suggested that the
I suggested that the circumstance be explained to his child and he balked saying that he would not risk making his child feel unwelcome! I guess it is only okay to make my child feel such!
We will go elsewhere if his son has not departed! It feels annoying and unfair, but it is the only way to ensure that at least part of the day is peasant! I am really disappointed about my spouse’s behavior!
Whatever you do, you need to
Whatever you do, you need to make some serious changes with the New Year.
Stop letting your H make the decisions, because he's more afraid of offending his mooching son than you.
Assert yourself, woman, and put out the trash!
You are utterly correct! I
You are utterly correct! I will address his child directly about what was agreed upon. He is level headed, and I suspect that he will understand. If I have to do it non chalantly in the form of asking pointedly are there any days that you would specifically like to be here, because I have a couple of days where I like to be able to have my daughter here.... I am so angry that my spouse has pulled this nonsense! It is annoying beyond measure! I feel as though my spouse is an utter coward! Really disappointed!
AirBnB
AirBnB, for either you and your or SS and his poopie father (aka, your husband).
Curious how things turned out
Curious how things turned out for you - did you and your daughter end up going elsewhere? Hoping you’re able to enjoy the holiday with her.