What goes around, comes around three fold.

Purpleflower

Karma is teaching her a leason.....a hard one at that. You teach her another one. Why not be nice to her and pray for her, send her a Get Well card, send a small vase fill with flowers with your SS home to her. Giving out kindness is more rewarding then wishing her illness. Good Luck.....your new friend Ani

I'd talk to her about it...getting your anger and frustration off your chest might clear your head for the hardships to come when dealing with a broken hearted child and a sick BM. Just say to her, "you know...before all this happened I didn't exist to you and now that you're in a bad way...I suddenly appear to be good enough for your attention. Why couldn't you do all this BEFORE the bad stuff started happening???"

I can't say how it will be received likely bad of course but hey at least you got to get it out of your head and you can move on to make good choices that won't taint your future with bad karma...

~“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone"~ Audrey Hepburn

I don't really know if she's getting her karma or not. For SS's sake, though, I do hope it humbles her and that she makes it through. I've seen too many young kids lose their parents to cancer. All I can say is just be there to support SS and fight the urge to say bad things about BM. Even though you and DH don't feel sorry for BM (and you have valid reasons to not feel for her), you both do need to support SS and not let him know that you don't feel compassion for his mom. But feel free to vent away here! I agree with Katrinkie, you need to rent the movie "Stepmom" because the BM in the movie got diagnosed with cancer and the SM had to take on more work.

Hey ultrak, I know it's hard to look past the hell that she's caused your family. But in this situation, I'd just let it go. Your SS needs you right now and you know that she knows how she's treated you and DH in the past was wrong. Most times people tend to think about things like that when their life is on the line you know. I'm not saying be super nice to her and you guys start being BFF's or anything like that. But just focus on how your SS is dealing with all of this because life threatening diseases like this do take a toll on the children as well. But your feelings are totally valid. If I were in your shoes I'd feel the exact same way.

OH my, that's so difficult.
First of all, I think there are many of us on here who deal with very nasty and difficult BMs. And I think most of us, like you, would consider ourselves to be good people in general.

But when good people are continually pushed to the edge, especially by very nasty and vindictive people, it is totally understandable that sometimes we would think, "God, I wish 'X' would just get hit by a bus and go away!"

And obviously, we don't REALLY mean it. It's just that wishful thinking that Karma would find them. And in your case, Karma came a-callin' for your BM. Is that your fault? No. And should you feel guilty about it now because you thought about it before? No again.

All you can do is continue to do what is right for your SS. Your BM should find her OWN support system- one that doesn't include you and your DH. I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice to her now just because she has fallen on difficult times. I doubt she'd do the same for you if the tables were turned.

It's human nature and not indicative of our true character.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

Karma's a bitch. We can all feel it and I firmly believe that what goes around comes around. Don't feel bad for feeling guilty!!! I think you are having the completely natural reaction. BM has treated you really badly and you guys have been in enemy roles with each other. Now that her life has gotten hard, it doesn't change what has happened or who she is.

That being said, I completely agree about karma. I would do my best to detach from her, pray for her (if that's your bent, it helps me a lot) and be pleasant and detached. Prepare to really be there extra for your skid though. (and I agree! Stepmom is EXACTLY your situation. I hate that movie and am leaning more towards "Stepfather" right now, lol. I think it might be really comforting to watch though if you haven't seen it).

I believe that everything happens for a reason and is to teach us important lessons. I think really tough things in life aren't necessarily bad and we often come through them way stronger (I know I have. I'm a cancer survivor myself and it made me grow a lot as a person and made me appreciate life a lot more and reevaluate who I am constantly).

Whatever BM is going through, and it sounds really rough, please don't be too hard on yourself for reacting the way you are. It's really hard to hate someone (or strongly dislike or disrespect them) and then suddenly have them fall into massively bad problems and then suddenly feel guilty over not getting along. BM's illness is awful for her, but it doesn't change your history with her and doesn't change who she is (it might change her a lot as a person). You are not obligated to be Mother Theresa with her. Being kind and pleasant is about right, in my opinion and mostly just being there for your skid. It's not your job to help or fix BMs life. She's going through really rough things, but I think that is probably her life path and she is meant to be learning things from this. This sounds really harsh, but it's what I really think.

My BMs life is also falling apart and I do feel really badly for her in some ways and don't want her to die or anything! I also hate her guts and enjoy it every time something goes wrong with her. She is such a wreck that her life is falling apart like a poorly made house of cards. I feel evil too, but I thoroughly enjoy it whenever she gets dumped (after one week or one night of dating, usually) and have been enjoying that she just got fired from the job where I lost my job because of her (I quit because it was intolerable and she harassed me and then was promoted to being my boss, I didn't get fired!) We have a long history of nasty arguments and all kinds of petty crap. Now, I don't interact with her at all and completely ignore her. When things are going well for her, she is queen bitch. I told her a year ago that her life would fall apart spectacularly if she didn't change things and that she was building really bad karma and it would catch up with her. She just sneered at me and kept up her ridiculous fake front of confidence. Well, now, my husband and I are super happy and slowly building towards a solid and comfortable future and we have a very happy and settled marriage. I don't talk to her anymore (totally pointless, as she is a crazy bitch), but her attitude towards me has changed dramatically. She knows that my predictions came true and now that the credit card companies have caught up with her and she is in collections for debt in almost every area of life (she just didn't bother to pay her half of the daycare fees for a year. Despite the fact that she made twice as much as we did and had a huge pile of CS every month from H). She got fired from her job and can't get another one (surprise, surprise). She is gaining weight (already at a hefty weight) and looks just awful. Her fake confidence has almost completely gone away and she looks terrified, anxious, disheveled and has no confidence at all. She even walks with her shoulders slumped and looking at the ground. She is spiraling into total catastrophe and for the first time there is no one to bail her out. Yes, I feel kind of bad for her, but on the other hand, I think all this awful stuff is the best thing that could happen to her. She has treated people badly for 30-something years and been completely irresponsible. She just doesn't pay bills or take care of her kids and has always been bailed out and never learned. Now she is a fat, ugly, dumpy single mom with barely any education and very little job experience. She is also really stupid and slow and has horrible social skills. All of her crap is finally catching up from her and the absolute best thing for her. She will either fall on her face and lose custody of her kids and become dependent on state care for the rest of her life or she will have to pull it together and clean up the huge mess she has made and step up for her kids. What she's going through is not comparable to cancer, and i'm really sorry your BM is going through that, but everyone has to deal with tough stuff, it's part of life and good for us. I think that even when people die, tragically of accidents or diseases, it serves some purpose spiritually for them and others. My mom had to go through having a kid with cancer and it was the hardest thing she's ever had to go through, but it just brought us closer and made us both grow spiritually and made us not take life for granted and appreciate the time we have with loved ones.

Anyhoo, that's my take on it. I hope your BM comes through everything okay, but please don't beat yourself up about not having a saintly, self-sacrificing reaction and having a huge mind blank of your history with her. Tough stuff does not erase the past and doesn't mean you owe her anything more than the courtesy you would show a stranger, and fellow human being. Take care of yourself and don't stress too much!!!

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde

Why is it so bad for being human? It is human nature to feel this way, just don't let it get you down!

'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'