(I had a ischemic stroke from stress 1/16)

The last two weeks when I've woke up with right arm completely numb, with pins & needles & unable to move it, my left side of my face (which is already numb) has paralysis & my speech is impaired pretty severely. Parts of my left side of face & bottom lip, down to neck have been numb, not paralysis, since it happened. But this is different. I can't control my left eye, it won't open, my face is visually different, my mouth won't move on the left side effecting my speech completely. This wears off in 30-45 minutes after waking up. I've been waking up earlier than my husband to hide this from him. Because I'm so sick of this. I'm 39 & I feel like such a burden. My senior who lives with us fulltime has been acting out cause he doesn't know how to deal with mom been sick & sleeping a lot. I have 4 more weeks till I get nerve testing.

But last night we had to go on a 6 hour round trip drive & I fell asleep & when my husband woke me, he saw this. I couldn't hide it. I was so embarrassed & I told him. I started crying & I lost my bladder. (I only do that once every 3-5 days now) We sat outside the house for 40 minutes until I was able to speak & move my mouth & arm so my 17 year old wouldn't notice anything. He was wondering why I was getting up so early. He wants me to tell the doctor. But I've told the dr so many other concerns & it makes me feel so burdensome when I get told x more weeks, rest, let your nerves heal. It's frustrating. Today I can barely see. It's terrible. My vision just overnight has changed. I lost partial vision in my right eye with the stroke, but now I can barely see anything. Everything has foggy patches.

I have court to tomorrow. I don't even want to discuss that. Ugh. I have to rise to the occasion. It's just a quick one. Next month we have 5 day trial. So. Yeah. (Cross that bridge next month)

My MIL text him today trying to defend her insane behavior. He didn't reply. He is speaking with his dad & his dad, so far has been very respectful, to not push the nutty agenda of his wife, as DH requested. DH says if she cannot at the very least fake compassion & is that filled with jealous for me (has been for four years) but since stroke it's OVER THE TOP, then he's done. Doesn't care to have her around. Period. I've been the one to say, we just need to stick to boundaries, but we need to have her in the kids lives, but he said today no. He's had it. I think perhaps more was texted that I don't know, that he isn't telling me. But it's his mom. & she has always been way out of line. & it's totally ramped up since my stroke. So it's his decision to make.

DH got the weekend off work & we are going away to our friend's 3 story cabin to let the kids do some snowmobiling & sledding & unplug, meaning NO WIFI NO CELL SERVICE. Woohoo!!! I'll be relaxing with fluffy pillows in a log bed most of the time, but it'll be spectacular. I think DH thinks MIL may pop over with all the kids here & he wants to protect me from more stress. He's my sweetheart.