My husband and I married fairly quickly after starting to date, although we had known archive for yearsand years . He had a son with a previous girlfriend, but at that point, he didnt have set visitation, so he wasnt with us on a regular basis. Once I entered the picture, his ex did everything in her power to make her presence known, including insisting that she "inspect" our home and meet me before as came to stay with us. I didnt think much of it because i would imagine I'd do the same thing if I had children of my own. I even initiated the meeting out of respect to the mother of my husbands child. We got along fine, and all seemed well..

Soon after getting married, I got pregnant, and we moved to a larger home. Again, she wanted to come "inspect". This time, she walked through my entire house, and even went so far as to look in my refrigerator. i was extremely offended, but stayed quiet to keep the peace. She seemed ok about everything and even told me to spank her child if he acted up. (I dont spank, but i felt that was a sign that she trusted me). I honestly thought she was a good, caring, involved parent.

Now, there were many behavioral issues with my ss, but everyone chalked it up to his age, "terrible twos", no nap, etc. I knew in my heart there was something more going on, but when his own parents dont take it seriously, what am I supposed tl do? He wasnt talking at that point, which was a challenge in itself. My family came to me with concerns about his behavior, strange mannerisms, his pure rage, the fact that we couldbt take him anywhere without a collosal meltdown... I, along with other family and friends, witnessed him choking every child he played with, biting until blood was drawn, throwing the worst tantrums I've ever seen. I felt terrible about myself because I honestly couldn't stand to be around the kid. I had no attachment whatsoever to this child. There was nothing desirable about being around him.

Lets fast forward to when my son was born. I was admitted to the hospital on Saturday morning after laboring at home for 2 days. My mother took me to the hospital because my husband went to pick ss up. I had a c section, and came home the Wednesday before mothers day. My husband picked ss up again to keep him for the weekend because his ex thought a good gift for mothers day would be tk have the day to herself (WHAT? ??). So here I am, locked in my bedroom on my first mothers day with my newborn baby, and didnt get a card, breakfast, a kiss on the forehead, nothing. My husband spent the day with his son, away from me and our new son. It was a slap in the face. I've never expected to be put above ss, but these actions have left me feeling like my son and I even come after his ex. He didnt want to fight with her, but this was a whole new low. There is a court order for visitation, so she can't keep ss away from him, not to mention the $800 a month he pays in cs.

My husband and I separated 6 months ago because it got so bad. I can't feel like a prisoner in my own home. I can't take the chance with my sons safety. I am miserable whe ss is here. I have tried to bond with him, and I feel its impossible. I've thrown birthday parties, I bought his clothes, I made him meals, etc. Its not that I haven't tried my best to treat him with the same care and respect I'd expect someone else to treat my son, and its proven more difficult than I could have ever imagined. He is 3.5 now and just beginning to talk, and I'm beginning to think its worse because his unruly, mean personality shines brighter than ever. I dont want to think a 3 year old can drive a wedge in my marriage. I would like to think that I am a bigger person, more mature than this, but when I'm honest with myself, I am sure that we could work through every other issue no problem. Anytime I begin to think that my husband and I at making progress, ss comes around and everything goes out the window. Please tell me I'm not a monster?