I'm about to break!!!!
I know as the adult I should be able to control actions, thoughts and words but sometimes just sometimes, I can't. We DH, SS11 and me) just dropped my SD15 off at her friends house for Homecoming. She is going with a group of friends, none of which I know. SD15 is new in school-her mom threw her out last May when my DH was dropping her off after our weekend visit. (This is not the first time it had happened but was the last) Of course she moved in with us right away.Luckily she has made friends and her grades are great. I try not to push or pry since I have many times been told I have no say but my DH and all his exs. "I just don't know how it is since I did not give birth" they say. I thank God everyday I have not mixed up a child of mine in this mess. I digress. Anyhow, waited and waited for mom to offer help pay for something, anything-she does hair and could have at least offered this. Nothing! So I surprised SD15 with a hair appointment today. Yeah Stepmom. All in all, we have spent close to $300 for this dance. I have scrimped and saved and tried to give her what she would like. When we get to the friends house, I ask to met the parents and friends-Noooo! You'll embarrass me. O.K. then. Here's more money for pictures and dinner, have fun. Car ride how, my DH says "I told her to ask her mom for more money" "Ask whose mom?" I say. He says "You do know her mom is going to the restaurant?" No, how could I know. She hasn't offered to pay for anything why would she show up. And how is she able to meet the friends when we can't. Oh yeah, she's mom. The greatest person on the planet. Never mind that she crapped all over you most of your life. So of course I begin complaining (in front of SS11) and am quickly silenced. I am not sure what to do anymore. Do I want recognition-hell yes. Do I deserve it -hell yes. Will I ever receive it-hell no. What makes me need the approval of either kid? Why do I feel I need validated by children? Should I stop giving? Why is mom so frickin' wonderful? And I feel they think I am a piece of crap, that they deserve everything from me and no effort from her but all the rewards. Any ideas or comments would be great!
Im not very experienced in
Im not very experienced in this situation..I've just within the last year began a relationship with a man with a son but I do know that thats what I'm supposed to expect out of being a stepmother. Theres nothing great about it. To be honest, either your husband is worth all the trouble or hes not. If you can decide that you'll be fine.
Yeah - you try to make
Yeah - you try to make everything nice for the SKs and you get little recognition. They accuse you of "forcing your ideas" at them. My SD15 has no sense of style...or common sense for that matter. I took her to my hairdresser and spend $65 on a haircut. Before we could get home, she had that darn hairclip pulling back her hair. I was livid! Spend all that money and her dad didn't even get to see it. That was it...never again. She now gets $15 haricuts twice a year. And Clothes...you buy her nice clothes and she can't even take care of them. Bought her a dress for end-of-school dance and found it in her room with the zipper ripped out! So I threw it away. Her t-shirts are all stretched out because she is too lazy to hang them up properly.
But she always has time for visiting Mom. BM is the super hero! BM buys her "crap" at a yard sale and she wears that with pride. I don't get it. You can spend your hard earned money on a SD and you never get the credit you deserve. I feel you!
I take SD13 for highlights
I take SD13 for highlights for her hair. I wanted a thank you at the very least. Nope. Whined to DH. He made her say thank you. Great that really made me feel appreciated. I wish mine had manners to say please and thank you. Now I find I say your welcome and that seems to be at least making them aware that they need to recognize when I do something.