Step anxiety
SD4 and I have a pretty good relationship now, although I fear that she is using me as a surrogate mother. She tells her daddy that she likes me better than him and always wants me to tuck her in and she will only hold MY hand when she crosses the street. Previously she was Daddy's girl, always. But now I think she misses her mom so much so is using me as a substitute.
Anyway, we have a good relationship and she much better behaved now that DH and I have some clear boundaries when she is here, but still whenever we have her I feel this sense of anxiety and maybe slight disappointment that DH and I will not be alone that night. She is with us 2/3 of the time. It seems like the anxiety should have dissipated by now. How long do things have to go well before the anxiety stops?
- Onewillfullstepmom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
In my case, the anxiety has
In my case, the anxiety has never completely dissipated. I feel guilty about it sometimes, but I also try to validate my feelings as well.
I was just thinking this morning on why step-parenting brings on so much anxiety. I was a full time, single, working mom to two really young kids and the anxiety was NOTHING compared to my life now married, financially stable, older, more independent kids...odd.
There are things you can do to lessen the anxiety you feel when she is there. Everyone is different, but what I found helpful is getting out of the house, having things to look forward to, making sure you and your DH are getting enough QUALITY time when she is not there, etc. Also, from my experience perhaps stepping back a bit from her might make you feel a little less obligated, therefore less anxious?
Good luck!
I couldnt agree more! and I
I couldnt agree more! and I definitely can relate to - "I was just thinking this morning on why step-parenting brings on so much anxiety. I was a full time, single, working mom to two really young kids and the anxiety was NOTHING compared to my life now married, financially stable, older, more independent kids...odd."
Anyways, your best bet is to get out of the house, Im not sure if it completley goes away, but I am sure it will lessen as your relationship grows with your BF.
Maybe you can encourage her
Maybe you can encourage her to reach out to her dad when you find her gluing herself on you. The anxiety just comes with it, it can be minimized in time, but in my experience it never fully goes away. Try to keep your focus on handing her over to her dad instead of feeling used as a substitute.