DH has kind of not been letting Sd know about family gatherings, with my side, becasuse she has been choosing not to come over, unless there is something going on. She also has oftentimes pushed plans with us to the side in favor of something going on at her mom’s house. So, DH has just kind of gotten sick of it and doesn’t mention stuff that he doesn’t think is important, like trick or treating last night, for example. (My siblings and I, our spouses and children, all get together at my grandfather’s to go trick or treating).

The unfortunate part is that SD and my niece are close in age and communicate via text, etc. So, usually SD finds out last minute when niece asks if she’s coming to xyz. Then SD calls DH and asks if we are going, and wants to come, etc. She doesn’t do this to spend time with her father, but to see her friend, my niece. I get irritated because 1) I hate last minutes plans, and that’s all it is with her. It’s like she waits to make sure nothing better comes along, 2) I get stressed as I find it difficult to relax when she’s around, because I feel like I’m always trying to watch what I do and say, or even how I look at her and 3) I get ticked because it always ends up being a case of SD telling her dad last minute that she needs to be home by such and such time (not because she has to but because she wants to) or, saying she’s bored and asking “daaddddyyyy” to take her to go get something from home (which he has done), or asking repeatedly when we are leaving, etc. It just becomes unpleasant. Quite frankly, I would be happy if she didn’t join us for any of my family gatherings at all.

When SD asks, or sometimes when she doesn’t, DH says yes she can come or invites her along, only telling me after the fact. It will cause a major feud with DH if I tell him I don’t want her along for certain things, but I also would really like to enjoy my family. When we are at gatherings she is stuck up Daddy’s ass and he doesn’t make her go away, so I don’t get any time without her right there.

I know he doesn’t want to deny her when she asks, so I asked my sister to ask my niece not to mention gatherings to SD, that we would like to be the ones to decide whether to include her or not. I told DH that I did this and he, while he didn’t get upset, said that he didn’t want to do that. So, it’s just going to continue the way it is.

I feel like I want to tell him that I need to know ahead of time if SD is going to attend and that we are not going to have any of these last minute, day of, type of changes, that she is going all of the sudden. Except that will surely result in him inviting her to everything!

I think I’m just going to ask him if he can be sure to discuss it with me before he invites her along to any of my family functions.