:? I need some helpful advice regarding how to deal with 22yr old stepson. His father and I got married almost a year ago and they moved in with me in my house. I have two sons of my own a 19yr old and a 16 yr old. I allowed the 22yr old to move in my upstairs space which is about 900 sq ft. to himself with the intentions that if my boys need to go up there they could considering he would have his own private bedroom and bath to himself along with the bonus living room to be used as a common place. At first everything was great but now after 9 mos. I feel like it is going to pot! The 22yr old is such a slob, he doesn't pick up after himself and the space always looks like a tornado hit it. My boys don't feel welcome up there b/c he has totally put his entire footprint on everything and it is hard to feel comfortable when someone has their stuff spread everywhere! The 22 yr old recently got a girlfriend of about 2 mos and had asked his father if she could stay over. His father told him NO and he got pissed. He also knows how I feel about the opposite sex spending the nite and I won't allow that in the house. So he stays gone with the girl for several days and only comes home sometimes to do laundry or change of clotes and occasionally a free meal. The 22 yr old rarely helps with any chores around the house and pretty much just keeps to himself. My sons have expressed the unfairness in this and I have to agree but I feel like I can't say much b/c he isn't my child and his father will blows his top if I say anything negative about his ONLY son!
This girlfriend is extremely annoying to me and I feel as if I am having to tolerate her. He has her come over one nite a week to watch a TV show and if I don't sit in there with him my husband pouts and says that I am being unsociable. I would much rather go to my room where I can feel comfortable in my PJ's and be myself. She is loud and everyone knows she is in the house when she shows up. To top that off she cussed in front of us so not a good foot to start off on!
My husband blew up at me last nite and said that he didn't want to piss son off and wants him and girl to feel welcomed but didn't feel as if they did. Said that he wants him to be able to stay with us to save money to be able to get his own place. He just recently got a full time job and the girlfriend only works part time!
I just don't know what to do or say! Sometimes I feel as if nothing said is the best thing! I personally feel that his son is getting ready to head down a long and hard road but we can't tell them they have to make own mistakes but I feel as if a wrong turn is made then somehow they will blame me!! Help!