Adult Step-daughter screams daily at my son with autism.
I'm really at a cross-roads here. I'm 33, and live with my SO (39), his daughter (18), her son (2), and my son (5). My son has autism, but he's in kindergarten and is doing very well. I'm online working 2 jobs nearly every day, and I work 30-50 hours per week. I also do nearly 100% of the cooking for our family, and almost all the housework as well (especially the really dirty jobs no one wants to do). I'm sort of introverted, and I keep a lot bottled up inside. I rarely raise my voice or lose my temper. This morning, I lost my zen for about 10 seconds and bit back. My step-daughter's MO has been to funnel her anger and frustrations onto my son and hers. I don't think a day has gone by without her venting at the boys. I pretty much apologized for having a child with autism (which I didn't even mean, because I'm not sorry he is who he is), and told her she needed to do some research on autism and find a better way to deal with it (because it's not going away). She cried and started screaming that she couldn't wait to move out, and then pointed the finger at me for this and that. As I've stated, I work two jobs and take care of our home while she maybe works 15hrs max per week, and does nothing to contribute to the household expenses or upkeep. I've never yelled at her son, even when he's severely bitten, hit, or otherwise injured my own. Although my SO agrees that she needs to stop being so verbally abusive to the boys and pull her own weight more, he will do nothing more than proffer counseling. She's tried counseling and anti-depressants (for less than a week). I love my SO, my step-grandson, and my step-daughter when she's not flipping out. However, if things don't change soon, one of us is going to have to move on here. I simply cannot have my son in this harsh environment.
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I'm sorry, but she is an
I'm sorry, but she is an adult and knows better. No one and I mean no one would verbally abuse my child. I would have already confronted her about it as well as SO. He should have already taken care of this problem. A few years ago, I worked with special needs children and they are extremely loving children...they just learn at a different pace and in different ways. But allowing her to do this will cause more harm to your son. Stand up for yourself and your child. Sounds like your SD is lacking maturity
As soon as she starts in on
As soon as she starts in on your son or even her toddler, you cut her off. She's old enough to know better. You'll have to confront her and she will scream and bitch. Hold your ground.
Hmm.. I understand what you
Hmm.. I understand what you mean when you say you're introvert, I'm similar, I don't tend to confront conflict, it doesn't suit me. You KNOW that this situation is NOT healthy for your son, you have to find a way to deal with it that you ARE comfortable with.
Perhaps it may help to educate SD about autism, come up with contingency plans, day care for your son etc. If it is possible, when you hear SD going off on your son, walk in there, pick your son up or take him by the hand and then walk out of the room, do not even look at SD or respond to her if she tries to engage you into the conflict, NO MATTER what those kids do, her behaviour towards them is UNACCEPTABLE!
The way I see it, when she starts yelling at your son (which as a Mom, I don't really think it's an acceptable method when dealing with misbehaving kids, loud kids in a loud environment, sure, gotta be heard to achieve things) she changes the situation from a misbehaving child needing to be disciplined, to a child needing to be protected from a verbally abusive adult! So do what you can to protect your child from a grown a$$ woman who can't get her sh!t together enough to sort out her anger issues!
I would not live under the
I would not live under the same roof as someone who treated my child this way_ sorry. Double so if I had a child with challenges.