Is this normal?
This is about DH, not SD.
The more I think about it I just find DH's behavior sometimes to be....weird. Not normal. I wanted feedback to see if it's just me.
DH will hurt my feelings. I'll go in our room and cry. He will walk in and be completely unmoved by how sad I am. No matter how much I tell him that he hurt my feelings, he just looks at me like I'm ridiculous.
In fact, when I'm sad about ANYTHING, I never get any kind of consolation from him. No letting me cry on his shoulder, no long hugs. He just looks at me crying like it's a bother.
He has even told me that he "doesn't get it" how people grieve after someone dies. He has told me that he will feel sad at the funeral, but then it's just done. He never visits graves of anyone he has loved that has died. If it comes on an anniversary of my grandpa's death or something like that and I admit to him that I feel sad, he tells me that I'm "concentrating too much on it". But I don't usually even think about his death until that time of year, then I feel a little sad. I lost a friend to suicide 4 years ago, and it shook me so badly that when her birthday rolls around or her death date, I just remember it and feel terrible.
So, I wanted to hear opinions. Is his behavior normal? Shouldn't a husband want to protect his wife, soothe her when she is sad, etc? Or is it me?
Exactly what I was going to
Exactly what I was going to bring up. One of my son's has this and I have to teach him the proper/ appropriate way to respond to people constantly.
He jus doesn't have that empathy gene.
Yeah not normal at all.
Yeah not normal at all.
I'm with Kaygee on this. AS
I'm with Kaygee on this. AS adult as well, but the women with this get a lot more instruction in showing proper emotions than do the men. And it sure sounds like he is on the spectrum! And from all I've heard, unless he is having considerable problems in areas like work, he may well be resistant to learning anything at all that will ease your pain. If he can't feel it, it simply will not register. If a virtual hug would do any good - here's a big one just for you!
I don't know-my dh cries all
I don't know-my dh cries all the time. He cried at the last Twilight movie when Carlyle died. I am the one that feels like a cold ass bitch!
Some people are more in tune with their emotions. some people show emotions more freely. In my case, its not that I don't have emotions, its more that I am very private and don't like sharing my feelings very much.
I did tear up this past weekend when we went to withdraw money at the bank for my dd's first car,but I didn't let anyone see!
I don't know if any of these are explanations for your husband, it's just that sociopath is a very serious dx to level at someone and you might want to look at more reasonable explanations first.
I not sure he would qualify
I not sure he would qualify as a sociopath, though he does seem a little lacking in the empathy department. But here's the thing: guys aren't like women. They're generally not as emotional. Sure some cry at sad movies(you don't want to see my DH at the end of Toy Story 3!) but for the most part they are raised with the notion that "boys don't cry", and some take that to heart more than others. A lot of men don't understand tears. My DH has even been known to say on occasion that tears don't work on him, and he's by no means an insensitive douche. I think a lot of men just don't want to see women turn on the waterworks to try to get sympathy or "their way." There's a saying I saw once, on one of those "what a man wants from a woman" type lists that said, "If you have a problem and you want a solution, come to us, if you want sympathy, go to your girlfriends." I have learned from my DH that men are problem solvers. They don't understand just being sad about something, they want to fix it.
But all that being said, I will admit that it would make me sad if my DH didn't try to understand my feelings about a relative that passed or if he never apologized for hurting my feelings.
I think first what needs to
I think first what needs to be looked at is what stepdown said, Has he always been this way?
It could be a mental health disorder or maybe something happened in his past thats made him emotionally closed off, I've seen in men and women, its like they've survived what they've been through and so they've kinda lose empathy and sympathy to others if that makes sense.
But also i think, to show emotional support to someone, you have to care for them, has anything major happened in you relationship between the 2 of you that nearly ended your relationship? or caused great heart ache? if so maybe your DH is holding some resentment/anger towards you and has switched off to your feelings because of it.
Either way i think it most definitely needs to be addressed if its hurting you, which it is, it cant be ignored. we want our partners to protect us and comfort us and when we dont receive that, its heartbreaking.
I would first try and figure
I would first try and figure out what has happened in his past. This is something that I struggled with my DH about. But the fact his is childhood was very jacked up, he was raised by an addict and a father who abandoned him. He went through some other really hard times in his life especially concerning women and it has left him... a little empty inside. He is working on it but he can't help that he has closed off some parts.