Is this normal?
I'm having such a hard time adjusting to the blended family. I am so depressed that I cry every day at least 4 or 5 times. Everything I ever dreamed of for our family is gone now that the Sk's have come to us full time. We cant even afford to feed the whole family now, our rent is behind, utilities on shut-off notice etc. I would love to find a way to fix the situation because my husband is the only man I have ever loved. I think about leaving him, and I would rather die. I sat in the bathroom and read the warning label on the drain cleaner. It seemed likely to cause an agonizing death, but an effective one. I truly don't think it can be worked out. If I did leave, I wouldn't have anywhere to go and no money. The one vehicle we own is such a beater that I don't know if I could even go more than 20 miles in it. There is no money for counselors or therapy. No money for gas to visit my mom - who just lives 15 minutes away. 
I feel so very hopeless. How can this be normal?
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Oh honey.. {{{hugs}}} Please
Oh honey.. {{{hugs}}} Please don't feel hopeless. No money for couselors? come here, we may not have degrees on the wall, but we have ears to listen and fingers to type. Sometimes, it helps just to be able to get it off your chest. Pick up the phone and call your mom, do you have a bike? 15 minutes? ride your bike to your mom's. Just don't let yourself get isolated, that's not a good place to be.
Daizy, I wish that I could
Daizy, I wish that I could just call my mom and tell her everything...but I have to be very careful with her. Last year while walking her dog she had a heart attack and needed 5 bypasses. All but 2 failed. Now she has multiple stints, severe diabetes caused by trauma from the heart stuff, etc and is terminally/chronically ill. Stress is a big no-no for her. I do go walking each day, but it seems like its making it worse. I walked the neighborhoos at first, but the cute little houses for sale tore up my heart because now we will never be able to have a real home (renting sux) with flowers and gardens or snowmen. Last night I walked the park. That got bad fast. All the young moms and kids so happy and cute. Dads playing ball with kids. little league families cheering...I have no siblings and most of my family lives in a different state 600 miles away. I came here to help dad with my mom. I am 43, and she is only 15 years older than me. I love my husband so much. He is my second, but I think he knows me better than anyone ever did. We share so much together. Even strangers could see what an amazing relationship we had. Had. The strain is killing that too.
Lots of us have been where
Lots of us have been where you are and survived. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. The drain cleaner is a very poor option, so put that aside and try to focus on helpful options. Is there a food pantry or other source of food that you can access? How about churches with charitable outreach programs? First things first, get enough food for everyone and keep the electricity on. My DH's niece (who refuses to work) recently got $500 from a church fund to pay off her utility bills. Ask for help, sweetie. People WILL help you. But they are not mind readers, you have to ask.
^^ This. It hurts your pride
I am so sorry you feel so helpless. I am sending you prayers and hugs!
I agree, it helps to have
I agree, it helps to have some place to vent!! Churches are good places to go for help!
Hugs and prayers being sent your way my dear!!
Called some local churches,
Called some local churches, and still have more to call. Two are out of funds right now, one doesn't help if anyone in the home is employed. One is putting together a bag of food for us to pick up this afternoon. That will help. Feeding a family of 5 is so expensive! Especially when the SS12 eats an entire frozen pizza himself :sick: We are so badly strapped because the CS is still in process and food stamps takes 30 days to approve After the 30 day waiting period. So in 60 days we can get some help, but till then its rice and beans and mac n cheez. I just feel so grateful that I can say what I said here and not feel like a jerk. I talk to the DH a lot about it, but am afraid he will just get sick of hearing it and shut down. I know he is doing all he can. Its not that the kids are really horrible ( I have read some posts that blew me away here). Its just this overwhelming sense of loss and depression.
Don't forget ramen noodles!
Don't forget ramen noodles! Not the healthiest thing in the world, but cheap and will get you by for a short period.
Also, homemade popcorn (not the expensive microwave kind) is cheap and filling!
We just got the skids about 3
We just got the skids about 3 weeks ago. Before that I worked but now someone has to be home with these kids. We were living pretty tight already - paycheck to paycheck basically. Then the lawyer fees, court costs, travel expenses to get the skids out of Ohio to Arkansas...ate up any extra. Now we're behind the eightball...
Sweetie, things are at the
Sweetie, things are at the darkest just before sunrise. I know its hard, ive been there. Keep trudging on for now. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and should never be up for consideration. Sometimes things seem impossible, but keep going, call around for help, apply for assistance and keep pushing through. Life will never throw more at you than you can handle. The strong dont become that way from having an easy life, strong people become that way by having the weakness burned out, like tempering steel.
A big hug for you Sister!!
A big hug for you Sister!!
Most of us here have battled depression in one form or another. Sometimes life seems overwhelming, hang in there, lift your head and dry your eyes, it can and will get better. Find one thing in each day that makes you smile and hang onto that, don't let go of it, even when all the other bad things are crashing down on you.
Stay strong in your faith and stay strong in your love for DH, together ya'll can do this!! You can come thru it, I'll be sending many positive hopes & wishes to you.
Don't feed the thoughts of
Don't feed the thoughts of suicide. I'm sorry times are hard right now and money is short but you are not alone. I really believe that life is a test and you will make it through smarter and stronger. The bad thing about suicide is the pain it brings on to the survivors and I believe that you relive your suicide over and over if it don't send you to hell.
Your here for a reason though it may not make sense to you right now and you can take this pain, learn what you can from it, and help others someday down the road with it.
Is there something I can do to be of help? You can pm me if you like to chat further in privacy. I'm sorry about your mom having her heart issues and all. If anything happened to you, it could be too much for your mom really.
Any chance of you taking on
Any chance of you taking on another kid or two, babysitting for extra money?
BTW, keep a close eye on the SS12. There is no reason that he should be eating so much and pretty much taking the food out of the rest of the family's mouth.
Are all of the kids school
Are all of the kids school age? If so, start looking for jobs with the school system-lunch lady, teacher assistant, school aide, crossing guard...-that way you and the kids will be on the same schedule.
You will be able to work and not worry about child care.
So many excellent ideas and
So many excellent ideas and advice. I am sooo glad nobody thinks I'm a nut-job for feeling like this. I'm usually pretty strong - but I think I just got to that point you know? I'm gonna take all this good stuff and see what I can do with it. I hope you all don't mind if I send you a messege from time to time...