Per our custody agreement, both my exH and I get two weeks of vacation time with our two daughters during the summer when school is out. I usually let my dad spend that time with the girls, and exH lets his mother use his time. Because his mother can never make her mind up as to when she wants to spend the two weeks, I had it stipulated in our custody agreement that exH has to give me notice of when he wanted his two weeks vacation by May 1st or he forfeits the time.

The reason I want the dates so early is because my dad needs to know so he can make flight arrangements for when he gets the girls. Plus, I also want to plan things with the girls as well.

I kept asking exH to give me the dates when his mom wanted the girls, and his mother as usual, hemmed and hawed and couldn’t make up her mind. Finally, exH told me the girls were not going to New York as they usually do when they visit his mom. Instead, his mom was coming down here to Charleston and she would spend time with them while she was here.

His exact words were “Mom is coming down here so she’ll spend time with them while she’s here.”

My exH works nights during the week, so he never has the girls spend the night with him during the week, only on Saturday nights when he does not have to work. Understandably, he does not want them at his place overnight if he has to work, he lives in a bad neighborhood and is concerned for their safety.

So when his mom came into town I told exH just to let me know when his mom wanted to spend time with the girls. He never told me any times, until it was almost the end of the time she was in town, and the girls went over and stayed for a couple of days, I think it was from Thursday to Saturday.

At the end of his mom’s visit he called me on the phone and told me his mom knew when she wanted the girls next summer. I was very surprised and a little suspicious why she was giving me a WHOLE year’s notice when she wanted the girls next when before she couldn’t make up her mind a couple of months in advance before. But ummm, okay.

Now just the other day my 15 year old asked me mom, why did you not let me stay with my grandma this summer?
I said what do you mean? She said grandma could not understand why she couldn’t get time with her and her sister this summer.

I said that was not the case. I kept asking your dad to let me know when your grandma wanted to spend time with you and he would never tell me. And eventually he told me that his mom was coming down here instead so she would just spend time with you while she was here. And while she was in town I kept asking him when your grandma wanted to see you and he would never tell me.

So I get on the phone with exH. Come to find out, my exH’s mom stayed with him for the two weeks, which I did not know. She usually stays either in a motel or with other relatives. The whole time my exMIL was in town, exH never mentioned anything about his mom staying with him, so it wouldn’t be a problem for the girls to spend the night.
ExH he said I knew that his mom was staying with him. No, I did not. He started yelling at me and when I said please stop yelling he said he wasn’t yelling and that I must have a crappy phone. When we were married he would always make this snide remarks like this, insulting me in a passive aggressive way.

So I started cussing at him and it just down hill from there. I don’t know why the idiot didn’t just say, hey, mom is staying with me, so it’s no problem for the girls to spend the night over here while she’s staying with me. But he keeps insisting I KNEW his mom was staying with him. I said so I’m supposed to be a mind reader now?

Then he says, it's over with now, WHY are you bringing this up a whole two months later? I said, DD just asked me about this a couple of days ago. He said so why didn't you ask me this when you dropped the girls off Saturday? I said, no way, so you could make a scene in front of the girls the way you are now?

I told him I was bringing it up because I know it's going to happen again, come Christmas. I know when Christmas comes his mom will come down and will want to see the girls. Again, I’ll ask and ask him to let me know when he wants the girls, and they’ll drag their feet.

I’m pissed because they have my DD thinking I’m keeping her from seeing her grandma, when that was not the case. They are the ones that can't make their mind up until the last minute. And then when I go ahead and make plans then I'm the bad one for not letting them spend time with the girls.

And now my exMIL makes a point of telling me a whole year in advance when she wants the girls next year, as if she’s putting her foot down with me or something.

I’m so sick of him not being clear with his explanations! This was such a big problem when we were married. And then I look like the big mean BM who won’t let daddy spend time with his kids. And it's my fault for not letting the girls spend time with their grandma.

Was I wrong? How was I supposed to know his mom was staying with him and could watch the girls while exH went to work at night?