My husband's daughter, because she doesnt deserve to be called my step-daughter
I need your thoughts as I feel like I am in the middle of this mess and a fresh perspective would be reaffirming or help me see in a new light. I found a note on the floor of my son's room and it read "I hope you fall in a home and die you RETARD!" So I brought the note to the attention of all 4 kids in our home (I recognized the handwriting) and asked who wrote it. I looked my "step-daughter" in the eye as I asked and she said I don't know who wrote it. So then, I mentioned I know the hand writing is female and to simplify, we have 2 boys and 2 girls here. SD is almost 13 and my daughter is 7. Finally, she admitted it was her. She wrote it to my son (12 yrs) and said she was just messing around. My son confirmed she was mad as he was in his room and would not let her in as he was talking to a friend. The SD only comes over 3-4 days a month....I have to walk on egg shells to keep drama down with her mean spirited mother, who has attempted to cause so many problems over the past 10 years. So I left with my kids and went shopping and spoke to my husband about how this is unacceptable on so many levels and those words will not be spoken in our home. The older SD gets the more manipulative she gets. I never spoke a word to her and my husband let her have it. She rarely returns any texts or calls from him and we never know when she is coming and often find out last minute when we are already out for the evening. So here is the post from the BM's facebook today. She encourages her behavior and it disgusts me. It is always my fault some how and always goes back to me....it is so very twisted. NOTE from FB:
********** (SD's name, tagged on FB)you are the most amazing daughter! And always remember that those of them that you think dont like you are actually just jealous of you! ******* (BM's live in boy friend for past 5 years) and i love you and wouldnt want you to be any other way!!
So then of course, several of her friends are posting things to support SD as a victim. SD is never accountable, it is always someone else's fault in this house. BM is doing her no favors and SD's character is being molded to be just like BM at this point....a victim. Honestly, I am losing any sense of love for this girl. I never thought I would say it. She has become a master manipulator and causes so much disruption to this house. She is becoming her mother.
Any thoughts?
Signed,
Frustrated and cutting the final string of any sort of engaging with SD
correction... "I hope you
correction... "I hope you fall in a HOLE and die you RETARD!"
Good luck. My SD was allowed
Good luck. My SD was allowed to do anything, say hurtful things, blame everyone else, manipulate, etc. Now she's 16 and a mental mess.
Honestly, she made up elaborate stories about people at school not letting her get her work done, etc. Her parents were out raged. I paid close attention and caught her in the mother of lies at 6 years old. It's been a constant battle.
I see this one heading in the
I see this one heading in the same direction. I'm sorry for you, I hope things get better. Hang in there, on the bright side, there is only a couple more years for you until she is an adult. I celebrate every birthday of my SD, one more year closer to being done with the drama and husband's ex! Thanks for the note.
tragic... Skid is 13, and
tragic...
Skid is 13, and will be a hot mess at 16, I can envision it now...
She behaves badly and instead of calling her on her bad behaviour, everyone excuses it. My MIL even says, "It's not the baby's fault. Her mother is a witch." Ummm- few things, 1. she's 13 NOT A BABY, 2. Yes BM is a bitch, but she's 13- old enough to know better.
She's not mean like yours sounds, just very disrespectful to her dad, my DH. I'm in shock that the note didn't get her grounded etc.. its so sad.
You could start by having
You could start by having rules such as We need to know by this time and date if you are going to come over or you are not allowed to come over. then you should set up house rules for everyone in the house to follow and their consequences. I also deal with a high conflict ex who makes everything very difficult. We have determined that she has golden uterus complex and Narcissistic personality disorder. Look them up-- the woman you are dealing with is not healthy and you have to find ways to battle her. We took our time and found a wonderful family law attorney. We took ours to court to ask for help with coparenting. she has to attend sessions with a parent coach. She cant even keep her mental self in check for that lady-- the parenting coach gave my husband a book to read: how to deal with a narcissist! so in the end we have a budget for lawyer fees every month and when she misbehaves we threaten to take her to court, we are ready to do it too. So far it has worked. Painful but she knows we are not messing around. Back to your SD, she needs to be explained the family rules and then get a backbone and make her pay the consequences when she doesn't!