Marriage takes two people putting in the time and work to make it successful. DH can listen and talk and beat the subjects to death .. if the behaviors and underlying problems don't change, what good is it?

He sounds like my brother. My brother will analyze, listen, talk, discuss, debate, and theorize for as long as it takes to develop a solution. Putting that solution into action? A whole different story.

I think that's what you have to make clear to him. I won't say your marriage is over, because I don't know. How many chances are you willing to give him? That's for you to decide. I'm not a religious person, so "giving my problems to God" is pretty meaningless to me.

I think if you take the steps and move out, you're embarking on a new life without him. At that point, I don't see how you come back and reconcile successfully. It's like people who agree to move out and live separately but still remain in a relationship .. what's the point?

What exactly are you bitter about? Did DH refuse to have kids with you, while expecting that you play mommy to his? Did DH put BM consistently ahead of you? Disney Dad? I'm just asking because to me some things truly aren't forgivable in my book.

you sound a lot like me in that I have a TON of resentment and anger towards skids and BMs for crap they have done over the past 6 years and my DH gets flustered and thinks that I just need to forgive and move on, but I just can't, I have put up a wall bigger than the Great Wall of China and sorry but that wall isn't going to just {poof} disappear into thin air. There are a lot of bricks in that wall, so many that I don't think it can ever be torn down. I just don't. I'm not even sure it's a forgiveness thing, I think it's a defense thing in that I have tried to slowly removed bricks from that wall and it seems like the nansecond that I do, the crazy shit starts again, so to protect MYSELF the wall stays put.

Ah, the old words and actions being in huge contrast with each other. Yeah, I battled that in my marriage. Never could resolve it. Not b/c I didn't try. It was his issue to fix and he didn't see the need. Hopefully, your DH will.

Listen, I think there are times when it's very healthy to take a much needed break. It doesn't mean that you'll divorce, it just means that you need time to process, decompress, and reboot. Sometimes removing yourself from the situation gives you the clarity needed to either find your way back to each other OR make the decision that it's just too broken to fix. I think if this is what you feel you need, you should do it. Hear him out, if it makes you feel better OR just go, if you feel like all you're getting are more meaningless words that go nowhere. As for hope.... that has to come from within. Taking some time to figure that out, may be a good thing.

Why is your therapist playing the God card? That person should have a very different role. I am always skeptical when people say "Give it to God", because that essentially means you should endure whatever misery that exists in your life and wait for God to fix it. Maybe God is telling you to get the Hell out.

A couple of things popped out at me in reading your blog.

1) There were a number of issues in my first marriage. One that irritated me more than anything was when I would open up & discuss the things I needed to be different. I won't break it down here, but I can't tell you how many times we would hash things out & it would be better for a week & then everything fell back by the wayside & I'd ride it out until I got pissed off enough to hash it out again. It doesn't help to talk if he's only willing to "fix it" temporarily.

2) You say "I blame him for the life I have and the life I will never have because I chose to marry him." You chose to marry him. IMO, it isn't fair to blame him for what you chose. Perhaps it isn't everything you dreamed it'd be, but I think that in order to find your way out of this misery, it's important that you recognize it was your choice to marry him. Only you have the power to decide what your life you will/will not have.

Both of you have to be willing to own the parts you've played in your marriage coming to this point.

While I'm a believer in God, simply "turning it over" to Him isn't going to fix any of this. God helps those who help themselves. He can't make your DH make more of an effort. He can't make you accept responsibility for the choices you've made. He can't make you decide to forgive.

You aren't miserable because God wants you to be. You're miserable because you & your DH aren't working together to be happy.

YOU make your life what it is.

What it means is that DH knows instinctively that you really have reached the last straw, so only now has the scale tipped so that he may be more worried about losing you than alientating his children. So NOW he is willing to talk. However the not doing what you talk about will not change as a result of any conversation you have tonight. He will make more promises he is unable to follow through on. You are clearly at a genuine watershed, you would be very wise to continue with your place to take some time and space to consider your position.

If you rediscover any fond feelings and ability to try again you will find that actually being separated for a while may actually be enough of a wake up call to effect some permanent change in DH. If not, you will have already made a start on life without him. In my experience this kind of watershed can effect some change, but a man who has failed to listen and respond to fundamental problems in a blended family for years, and is ruled by insecurity with regard to his children, will never entirely change his spots. He can change some specific issues and behaviours, but the instinctive response to new step issues that arise will still be there.

"Truthfully, I don't know if I even love DH anymore. I am so hurt and bitter over the years and years of biting my tongue and stuffing my anger. i made a lot of mistakes by not setting boundaries early on, but I feel like I lost myself in all of this."

I can totally relate. I didn't marry him but in some ways it's harder to get out when you're just living together (especially if you own the house and he's just a glorified tenant)

Sounds like he wants to make glib promises and then go back to "business as usual" when the "heat is off."

I've heard the way that people have long marriages is that the both don't fall out of love at the same time.

I don't know if your marriage can be saved or not. It sounds like it depends on him. Have you been to see a counselor or a pastor?