How is your relationship with Adult Stepkids?
Out of curiosity I was wondering if there are any of you out there who actually have a good relationship with adult stepkids that you helped raise?
Also are your stepchildren as adults openly jealous of their half sisters and brothers? Has anyone else experienced adult stepkids trying to manipulate or harm half sisters or brothers out of this jealousy?
I have been reading the site for some time and honestly can not find anyone on here who has said that their relationship with adult stepchild (over 21) is anything better than strained at best - even if they partiicapted in raising them!
Also, have you found that most of the "disagreements" once they become adults have been about money and/or refusal to acknowledge that a step parent may actually own personal property that is not their bioparents?
If anyone has any other experiences to share I would be interested in hearing them.
My initial impression from reading this blog to date is that no matter how well things may have been during a stepkids early years, a majority of them end up with "issues" in dealing with this stepparent when they are grown. This is disheartening to say the least.
I do
My adult skids are wonderful. They love their father very much which is a testament, I think, to what a fantastic father he is. It could have gone the other way but BM kind-of nailed her own coffin so-to-speak. Dh has never said an unkind word about their mother, the same can not be said about her. She badmouths dh and makes up wild accusations but it is very easy for his kids to see the truth. My skids were teen-ages and adults when I came into their lives but we all seem to get along pretty well. I think it helped that I made it clear when dh and I first started talking about marriage that I understood that I was not there to take over as mom.
I do not have such a great relationship with my dad's wife or my mom's husband though. My dad's wife constantly badmouths my mother and frankly after 15 years its getting pretty damn old and pretty obvious as to who has the problem. My dad doesn't have a decent relationship with any of his 5 children and he only has himself to blame for that. My mom's husband is In my opinion a mean jerk but thankfully I was almost out of the house when they both married so I didn't have to put up with it for long. It's my younger siblings that I feel for. There are no half-siblings in our case.
Mine Hate Me
Hi LongtimeSM,
My adult SD's whom I helped raise from the time the youngest was 9 and the oldest was 13 (there are 3 of them and a SS who was 15) pretty much hate me no matter what I do for them. After 12 years now I have decided to give up on them. I still have two of them living at home (the oldest and the youngest) and they are taking their time on leaving. Even though they moved into the house I purchased they say I have no rights to say anything in my house and about the way my house is ran. Things are starting to change, but things won't be right until they move out. Even their cousins have told them that they are too old to be living at home and if they don't like the rules in the house then they should move. The girls aren't easily swayed. They stand their ground. Since my husband is several years older than me there is a lot of argument over who is going to get the property if he passes on (he's not that old yet, by the way) and they accuse me of stealing the property. Well, the house is my house, and the stuff in that house is mine as well. So, what is going on here. Also, I never tried to step in as their mom, and I told them that. It didn't matter. To them, I've been a threat getting in the way of their "Daddy's little girls" routine. So, you are not alone. I know some step parents have great relationships with their SK's as well as with their husband's ex's, but, I am not so fortunate to be in that kind of a situation.