1.) No. I never hated the women my father dated (one was a fairly substantial relationship), nor did I hate my SF.

2.) Calling SK names to their face. Preventing them from spending time with their father. Yelling at them for no reason. Trashing their SK's things. More subtle would be going through the parent to alienate the parent from their own kid, or telling "jokes" to the parent at the SK's expense.

3.) If you're being scapegoated, you'll usually get blamed for things that are outside your control or told that you just hate the kids. "Suzy doesn't want to visit anymore because she says you're mean to her" is common when SKs are told there are house rules they need to follow. "You just hate my kids" is another one when a parent doesn't want to have to parent their kids. Another common scapegoat is when the parent won't say no and puts it on you. "Well, your SM said we can't go to the movie this weekend" or "SM said we aren't having pizza for dinner" or "I'll have to ask your SM to see what she says", implying that your word will be final and it isn't a mutual decision.

4.) No. It facts, it's healthy.

1. only if they have been encourage by their parent

2. not giving into SD requests, making them behave with normal basic manners and chores for their age.  basically not being allowed to rule

3.  If you feel like you can't win anything and are to blame for everything that goes wrong.  

4. Nope, her friends at school would drop her, there are some lessons only a stepparent can teach.  Logical consequences that happen in the real world.  See #3 when you back out of the game.  

Kids and Skids are no different than anyone else.  You know toxic when you experience it.

1. No.

2. You know it when you see it.

3. You know it when you see it.

4. No.

Do all teen girls hate their stepmothers?

onlu the disrespectful ashole ones. But that's the parents fault

2.) Can someone give me some examples of what it looks like when a stepmother is "mean" and a "bully" to her stepkids?

respect, doing chores, no backchatting, giving advice and getting the smart ass comments back from them. Eye rolling bull crap, not doing what they are asked and acting in appropriately. 

3.) What does it look like when a stepparent is being scapegoated?

your always blamed for her behaviour. It your fault etc.  this is the real parents lack of parenting

4.) Is it petty of me to disengage from a stepdaughter who I feel is emotionally abusive toward me even though she is only 14?

nope. No way, I didn't even look at my stepchild for months and refused to talk to her as she was a total bitch yet somehow it's all my fault and I have to apologise to her..... in the end it was so fucked up I refused and my marraige is over. Was told I am cruel, abusive nasty and mean.