The Devaluing of Being a SM to Adult Skids
Forums:
Does anyone get annoyed when people don't recognize that it is a lot of work to be a SM to adult stepkids? I married my DH when his kids were in college and they have never lived with us, but helping my DH deal with their issues takes up a lot of time and emotional energy (more than I EVER imagined). I find myself really annoyed when people ask if I have children and I say I have two Skids, but when they find out they are chronologically adults, they ususally say something along the lines of "well then, you don't really have skids" or "oh, you're not really a SM then." I know I didn't raise them, but it still take a lot of work and I feel slighted by this.
In my opinion it is a hell of
In my opinion it is a hell of a lot harder to be a SM to adult step kids. The general view of SMs and how they should treat their skids is so ridiculous. I've read crap on the Internet about how to relate to skids - just give them love, love love and eventually they will grow to love you. What a bunch of BS! On a recent TV program Dr. Phil told a woman it was unrealistic and unfair for her to expect her Husband to love his skids like they were his own. We are still fighting the 'wicked step-mother' stereotype. Maybe we should SM should mean 'step martyr' instead. I wish I had an answer for you to give to these people who are obviously misinformed. Sorry.
I have to say that you should
I have to say that you should not be calling yourself an "smom"...NOT because you might not deserve it, but because his ungrateful kids DON'T DESERVE IT! I have always called myself my DHs wife, not the loser's smom...I want ZERO relationship with her or anyone to EVER think that I care or have any influence on her...So, do yourself a favor, let your DH deal with them, be there AS A WIFE FRIEND to him and call yourself YOUR HUSBAND's WIFE! Leave the rotten adult skids out of it and don't even remotely associate yourself to them, even with the SMOM title
BIG HUGS!
PS - if you call yourself an SMOM, YOU feel the need to do for those kids...if you call yourself DH's WIFE, your only need is to be there for your husband...forget the "kids"
Thanks for your comments -
Thanks for your comments - they are very helpful. It's not so much that I want to be called their "stepmom"; I think what really bothers me is the perception that because they are "adults" they aren't any work for me and I should have nothing to complain about. Even just playing a support role
to my husband is more taxing than I thought it would be (perhaps I am just angry at myself for underestimating how much effort dealing with them would be).
“However, what about SM’s
“However, what about SM’s feelings? Well, if she doesn’t like it, she can just leave. She’s an adult.”
Haha brings back fond memories of being told just exactly this, while in my own home, by adult stepchildren. These poor little innocents so terribly frightened by big wicked stepmother. Apparently nobody cares what a stepmother feels. Even your own husband isn’t supposed to care about how you feel according to these mean vicious adults. Their feelings are the only ones that matter.