I'm not sure what to do. Parenting classes maybe??
Ok so my DH and I are on 2 different pages when it comes to parenting. I'm afraid that once our child is here there is going to be issues with parenting as we are different when it comes to that. Silly example, yesterday we were outside. Sd7 was playing with her cousin. They fond a bungee cord and thought it would be fun to play with. I don't agree with that. For obvious reasons. It's a bungee cord, it's dangerous, it's not a toy, And your 7! I said to him at one point that it was driving me nuts watching them play with it. He said "yea I kno" but didn't do anything. I told them I do t think they need to be playing with it an she just kind of looked at me and kept on going. Final at one point DH said to me " I wish the bungee cord would just disappear" so I said to him " your the parent she's the child, tell her she needs to put it away an tht it's not a toy" I asked him why he can't ever say anything to her or disain her in any way Nd he had NO answer. It pisses me off. He says I'm just too uptight an he's just really laid back. I feel like this will bring is to divorce over time once our child is here. I don't know what else to say to him because his only response is we just have different views on it. Good job at stating the obvious lol. Anyways I'm not looking to fight wth my DH as we get along great just are on different pages with this. Any suggestions on how to talk to him about this? I think we should have pArenting classes for parents who are on different levels. Think they have any of those??
Well, when one of the
Well, when one of the children loses an eye because neither of you can say NO, maybe that will get you onto the same page.
Are you disengaged from this
Are you disengaged from this kid? Is there a reason you can't tell the kid what to do? I agree with Echo, if you thought it was dangerous, why would you sit back and let them play with it .. whether they're your kids or not?
When your kid comes along, you will parent how you want to. DH will be on board, or he won't. I can tell you that my parents had different parenting styles .. but at the end of the day I knew they were a team. My dad was very laid back and fun. My mom was strict, but fair.
I think as long as you communicate about the big stuff, the little stuff doesn't matter quite as much.
And really .. how dangerous is a bungee cord?
I'm no sure why I can't. DH
I'm no sure why I can't. DH NEVER said not to or anything. I just feel weird. I guess because DH doesn't seem to disipline his own child so me being only a SM who am I to dicipline ? It's so frustrating. I know I should have said something myself regardless if he did. But I didn't. And tlk about testing my patients with holding back. I could say so much to this kid at times when she is misbehaving or needs to be asked not to do something but I don't. And it pisses me off And always puts me in a shitty mood when she's around
I totally get where you are
I totally get where you are coming from. And quite frankly you shouldn't have to correct the child when a parent is right there. That's dads job. If it was pointed out to dad and he didn't deal with it, I wouldn't have either. I can't even tell you how pissed I get when someone corrects my own child in my presence, so I don't do it for other's children. Its a tricky grey area SS a step mom.....not really a parent but not really a stranger.
I try to pretend that I am the aunt.....would I speak up if my niece or nephew was doing the same? The answer is usually no, unless it was an immediate safety issue (playing with glass or in the road) but if the parent is aware and doesn't care enough to correct it I just bite my tongue.
Sticking your nose in doing daddy's dirty work is a quick and fast way to become the hated stepmother m and the wife who picks on his kid.
Summermomma, I have two bios
Summermomma, I have two bios aged 2 and 4. Despite them having HUNDREDS of toys at their disposal, I have had to wrestle, bungee cords, knives, scissors, bottles of bleach, screwdrivers, windex, broken broomstick hanldles, beer bottles and a fully loaded mousetrap out of their hands. Don't ask me how they get their hands on these things, they just do. We baby-proof the house, but God decided to gift us with babies who are reincarnations of "Scrounger" and "The Cooler King" from "The Great Escape". At 3 my BS figured out how to open the child safety gate. At 2 my daughter figured out how to reach and operate the light switches. When she was 1 and half she actually managed to escape through the back door and was hightailing it across the yard before I caught her (I didn't know babies could crawl so fast!).
They say, that vigilance is the price of safety and I have learned to watch my kids like a hawk. I am proud that they are so smart, but I am going to need a cart-load of "Just For Men" to cover all these greys I am getting.
Kids will be kids and you and your DH are parents. You may disagree on each other's parenting styles and it is good that you two talk... but if your kids are anything like mine, you won't have much of a chance to talk.
I gotta go now. BS is trying to operate the DVD player again.
My Dad is a retired
My Dad is a retired electrician. When I moved into the house he was kind enough to replace all my outlets with GFCI outlets. Kids can't get shocked even if they tried (and yes, they've tried)
My DD would climb out of the
My DD would climb out of the booster seat in the car and got me pulled over once. This was back in the late 90s so we didn't have fancy lock down car seats then. I made her show the cop how she did it and he advised using 2 seat belts to keep her in. It scared her though and she never did it again.
My DH is similar to yours.
My DH is similar to yours. When we were trying to establish joint household rules, we each wrote down what we wanted and we found a common ground. I can't think of a single family I know that doesn't have one parent who takes the role of "bad cop" most often. I still struggle with DH and I forming a united front in dealing with the kids (and BM). We generally try to back each other up, at least in front of the kids.
In the situation you described, it sounds like neither one of you wanted to "parent" the kids. I understand your wanting to take a backseat and let your DH do HIS job, but a simple, "Hey, SD, your dad thinks (or your dad and I think) the bungee is not the best toy. Bring it to him and go play with your bike (or other toy)." Especially after he acknowledged to you that he wasn't ok with it either.