From the day sgc was born fil, dh, ssil (even bm!) have referred to me as grandma-disillusioned. Sd never said much one way or the other, but as soon as sgc started walking, talking and beginning to know family then sd made it clear I was NOT grandma-disillusioned but just disillusioned - every time ssil for example would say to sgc "let grandma-disillusioned see your new toy" sd would be sure to follow up with telling sgc right away "yes, let DISILLUSIONED see the new toy" etc.. etc.. until ssil also started to refer to me simply as Disillusioned to scg

Now, I have no problem with this. I told dh not to push it with osd, sgc is after all her son and her choice as to what her son will call me. BUT since up until that point dh (and by default sd) got to enjoy me doing all the grandmotherly things for sgc just as if he were my sgs, I said to dh no problem it works two ways, if this is what sd wants I will do no more 'grandmotherl'y things for scg any longer. I will treat him no different that if the neighbor came by and brought their gc for a visit...make a fuss over him and be sweet as pie of course but once they are gone well that's about it, no gifts, make no effort to spend time with him...dh can do it all and all by himself.

Of course once sd figured out I was now disengaging from her son just like I disengaged from her a long time ago as she thinks of me as no more than dh's wife, she seemed to have a change of heart and began referring to me as grandma-disillusioned to sgs.

So dh comes home yesterday evening after spending the day with ssil and shows me a 'school' picture of sgc. On the back sd had written 'from sgs' "To Grandpa dh" and then & Disillusioned...it was even in smaller handwriting that the Grandpa dh part (so childish!)

I could see she was putting me down by this and being disrespectful again, and again, my attitude is that it's her chose - works two ways. What did bug me though was how dh says look at the cute picture, look it says "Grandpa dh on the back" etc.. etc..

I stopped and asked him WHY he would flaunt sd's disrespect in my face? Dh mentioned of course he hadn't noticed or thought about it, which irked me even more. I asked him why he wouldn't have noticed that she made sure there was only one reference to a grandparent on the back of that picture and it sure wasn't me

I asked dh why he couldn't simply notice these things and then all he would have had to do is acknowledge that ya sd was putting me down and yes he was sorry for her behavior but hey, look at our cute picture here

This is all it would taken, a simpey acknowledgment to let me know he sees what is going on and he is supporting me

Normally dh and I wouldn't have talked much after that. Dh never ever apologies for anything he (and osd) seem to think it makes you look weak to admit to a mistake

I know this is a really minor thing but it honestly just bugs me that dh just takes for granted every rude thing sd does just rolls off my back and doesn't think he needs to acknowledge it