Are you actively making plans to leave or do you hope to try to work it out? Maybe if you talk to him and say, you are seriously considering leaving if he cannot put his MARRIAGE first priority over his 'friendship' with skids and see what he says?

Also regardless of what he says if you can start saving a squirrel fund it could come in handy. I am so sorry DHs can be so dense sometimes . . . congrats on losing weight!! that has got to make you feel good
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

I wonder why your dh is so disrespectful to you? Perhaps it's because he KNOWS what a gem you really are. This sounds like classic insecurity on his part. He's going to put you down until you start to believe it...then you'll be too insecure to leave him. Don't let it happen. Call him on it, confront him and his insecurity. And congratulations on the weight loss...you should be on cloud nine for a lifetime based on that alone

As far as his little angels are concerned...I hate to say it but try another tactic. STOP doing for them AND your DH until you get respect. Stop going to DH everytime they do something rude and stupid...turn the other cheek. Definitely save money of your own in case new tactics don't improve the situation. Don't let them beat up on you...sounds like it's 3 against 1. If DH is sleeping on the couch I don't think it's because he's feeling differently about you I think it's because he's probably getting the vibe that you aren't happy and you might leave him...he's disengaging from you to avoid the deep hurt that will come to him when you leave. Also, he might realize he is doing wrong by you but he has too much pride and he's too protective of "his boys" to fix it.

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

Lori302, as a mom of 3 boys of my own and one SS/16 I can say this...MOST boys are slobs. They despise chores, HOWEVER YOU as the woman of the house HAVE to put your foot down.
Sit all the boys in the kitchen. Do this with or w/o the dad. Explain what you expect from them and what they will get in return if they abide by the rules. (allowance, playdates etc...)
In my house, before I leave for work, I make sure there are NO dirty dishes in the sink.
That is the signal that ANY dish that is used there on after MUST either get washed or put in the dishwasher.
If I get home and there are dirty dishes, I call them into the kitchen, point at the sink and walk out. I'll sit on the couch and read a magazine.
If they want dinner, the dishes get washed within 5 minutes.
I have made it clear that I am no one's maid. As far as DH sleeping on the couch goes...Go out to dinner alone and talk with him about what's happening. Ask him what is wrong. Explain that you are in this together for the long haul but that if he wants out he should be honest and tell you so that you can move on as well. If you don't discuss the problem, you'll never know what the solution is.

Best of Luck. Congrats on the weight loss!!!

"Some days are better than others..."

My bio boys are slobs..lol And, my SD at 22 is a slob when she comes to visit but, I agree if there is a mess I call the boys downstairs and make them do it. Usually they get it done without to much argument or complaining. And, FH makes SD or he himself will clean up after her I am not her maid especially when she is 22.
These children live with you and you should be able to have a say in their cleaning habits.
It sounds like your husband may be insecure now that you have lost all of the weight. (CONGRATS by the way)

I am sure BF will notice if you are not picking up after them all the time and hopefully step in and say something to them.

As far as him always bringing your BS into the situation to deflect the attention from his children I completely understand that one. i live with that issue myself. Each time it happens I explain this is not about the other children this is about the issue and the child that did it. It has taken sometime but it usually works.

Good Luck and Congratulations on the weight loss that is a huge achievement!!

do I detect a little low self-esteem on your part hun? You talk about how you felt that "I accepted his behavior because I thought that because I was fat, I had to accept that this was what I was dealt with" and "Tonight when I got home from work/gym I had EIGHTEEN glasses to wash, not to mention the other dishes. Thats fine, its my job, to a certain extent."

First, don't ever let what you look like on the outside tell you how you should be treated. It doesn't matter if you are 90 lbs or 290 lbs, you deserve nothing but respect. Have you ever looked into life coaching? It might be a good way to begin to love yourself from the inside out, not the other way around.

Secondly, these boys are 12 and 14...oh HELL no it's not YOUR job to do the dishes...why are those boys not doing them on a daily basis??? I think they're a little old for a chore chart. They're old enough to pull their own weight in the family and part of that is (at the very least) cleaning up after themselves. If you can't get your husband on the same page as you with this, these boys are going to grow up lazy and one of these men that sit on the sofa with their hand down their pants yelling to the wifey for a beer. Ew.

Tell you husband to do these boys a favor and set some rules and expectations for them. He needs to be a father first, not a friend.

Good luck hun...you've got your work cut out for you.

that....is....AWESOME. I LOVE that you only left them one glass. That is great...I may try that myself sometime!
Good to hear that you put your foot down and stood your ground. Keep demanding that respect and expect no less!!