I am new to this site but after reading some of the other posts I figured that users of this site would understand better than others I've talk to (family and friends). First let me start off by telling a little about my situation.

I met my wonderful Husband about 5 1/2 years ago (and we have been married just over a year), we do have a daughter together (who is 5). When I first met my husband he was the primary caregiver of his son (at the time was 2). His son was a wonderful sweet little boy. My daughter was born when he was 3. At the age of 5 my ss bio mother pretty much kidnapped him and moved to another state, withholding visitations and such for almost 3 years. After getting in trouble for not sending him to school she was forced to return my ss to our household (April 2012). I was so elated and happy. We only had week's notice of his arrival but I worked day and night to prepare a room for him in our household. Unfortunately when he returned I was very disappoited. What happened to that sweet little boy I remembered? What returned was an unruly, unparented 8 year old boy.

He was so unparented in fact that no one had taught him how to wipe his butt! Him mother would simply throw the dirty underwear away and ignore the problem. Her idea of parenting was being a best friend (with no rules) and using video games as babysitters. Now, let me say that I understand these issues are not his fault-the problems come from his mother. My husband works all day 5 days a week. I work from home. This means I was responsible for straightening him out and teaching him the proper ways to behave. Everything was going great (of course there were struggles, but he was trying as hard as I was to adjust to our new situation). Until...two months after his arrival (June 2012), his mother returns back to our state. Even worse she is now living in the same town as us. She has been getting visitations (despite my better judgement). My husband (who previously hated her for stealing his son and destroying his pyschi) is so nice to her and bends over backwards to accomodate her wishes.

I don't mind my ss going over there for vistations, it is him mom afterall. However, when he returns it seems that all the hard work I have been doing to get him on track is completly undone. Back to the bathroom problem I mentioned earlier, (we make him wash them out and not just throw them away) He can go all week long at our house without creating poop filled underwear (I check while doing laundry) return from her house and be messing in his pants again. Even worse, she returns him to our house wearing nothing but basketball shorts-no shirt, no underwear, etc. Also she buys him everything his little heart desires so whenever we take him to the grocery store with us he is constantly asking us to buy him things, like everything that tickles his fancy...can you buy me this, can you buy me this, etc through the whole store. I am getting so fed up with re-training this child over and over again.

Most of my frustration comes in the fact that the daughter my husband and I share is suffering from his ill behavior. She loves him so much and thinks the world of him, but he is so rotten to her. She also suffers becuase I can't really reward her for being good with a treat and let her eat it in front of him? When the carnival is in town we don't go at all because of his behavior so she has to miss out on things like that too.

Ok, on to the worse of all....my husband. I understand that it must look like I am terrible to my ss, but he needs soooo much redirection-almost constantly. At first my husband would say to me that because I married him it is my responsibility to straighten this boy out. When he sees me re-directing my ss he steps in and says that I am being too mean or directly undermines me.

I am currently 3 months pregnant with our 2nd child together and don't know what to do. This child and our situation is putting me under so much stress. I wish I didn't love my husband so much or I would just remove my daughter from this situation and move on with our lives. I don't know what to do, any advice would be helpful. Oh, yea here is the kicker---last time he returned from him moms she said that she was going to buy him pepperspray. Yes, an 8 year (who by the way acts like a 2 yr old) is being offered a dangerous weapon. I mean this boy can't even play with a bat unsupervised (he hit my 5 yr daughter in the head with it "on accident"). What can I do????? ...sorry it was so long just had to vent.