For starters I love my husband very much and our life together also. We have a beautiful little boy 16 months old together and one on the way (another boy). And I also love my ss5 as if he were my own son. I would do anything for him and treat him no differently than i do my own kids. There was a time almost 3 years ago when we were told we could not have children of our own after trying for several years and losing two. So i came to terms that I was not going to bear children and that the only child i would ever have is my ss, whom we hardly ever see. Then i found out i was pregnant and the dr were wrong. But thats besides the point.

I feel horribly guilty because sometime i think that if ss never was born and that one night had never happened how peaceful and better my life would be. That bm would not be anywhere in our lives and that my mil would not be letting bm live with her and putting bm before her own son. I am very glade though that they live so far away from us because i would go nuts having to deal with them on a regular basis.

Granted that does make it hard to see ss. But we let him know and make sure he understands that we love him and he has a home with us as well.

I hate that I sometimes think that and also that sometime we should just walk away. I dont know if i should tell dh that i sometimes think that or if i should just keep my mouth shut. I really dont know.