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If you could write a letter to your skids

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 07/14/2009 - 12:39pm

what would you say (granted, in many cases this would be one of those letters that you write but don't send)?

We all have our own histories, and I thoroughly enjoy coming here to gain different perspectives on stepparenting. I know our situations vary. The people in these situations vary. Their (and our) behaviors and reactions to these situations vary.

I think that, every now and then, we should all come on here and write a letter directed at skids, DHs, FHs, BFs, and BMs in a way that's anonymous enough so nobody can figure out it's us.

So here's my letter to my SDs:

Dear SDs,

I know you've been going through a lot lately. I know you didn't have great birthdays. I know that you're hurting.

I know you've been the victims of PAS. I know that you've been told some awful lies about both your dad and myself.

But you have improved so much over two years. You've taken responsibility for your actions. You're starting to understand that even though you were being bribed by BM to say false, hurtful things that we still have to hold you accountable for what you say and do, and that you're old enough to have a basic sense of right & wrong, and to know that mistreating your dad and stepmom is wrong, even when BM is bribing you to. You've become respectful, loving, caring members of our family and I love you both to pieces.

I know your mother's actions hurt you deeply. I know you're confused. I know you never want to go over there. But the good thing is, you'll not be going to her house. You'll be with your grandparents who love you deeply during what SHOULD be your visitation time with your mom.

Your Dad, Grandma (my MIL), grandparents and I will be here for you every step of the way. We will keep you safe.

We love you.

Comments

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Tue, 07/14/2009 - 12:44pm

I have to think about it first Smile Good topic though

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

YoungSM2be's picture

Submitted by YoungSM2be on Tue, 07/14/2009 - 1:35pm

Dear stepkids

i love you. You make my life complete. When you chose to be with me This past mothers day, and showered me with gifts, i knew you really cared. It made the day so much better knowing that even though i didnt have a mother to celebrate it with, you cared enough to make me feel special. I love the hugs you give me. I love it when you tell me you love me. I love it when you accidently call me mom. I love it that you live with me out of choice, not a court order. I love that you talk to me about things you dont want to tell other people. I love that you asked me to take control of punishing you because you felt that no one else was doing it. Basically, i love you.

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Tue, 07/14/2009 - 2:52pm

I know it's really hard to have such an evil stepmother like me around. Making your dinners, taking you to the movies, washing your clothes, getting up with you at all hours when you're sick. I wish I could be more like your Mommy, never home, always away on business, always passing the buck to someone else, but I can't. That's not who I am.

Perhaps someday you will accept me, but until then you're stuck with me.

I care about you immensley, so when I make you do things like clean your room, or finish activities you start like bike riding, swimming, skiing, karate, and when I talk to you about how diapers are not cool for an 8 year old, and you should stop thinking they're cool... it's simply because I want whats best for you.

I know that you don't remember your parents together, but they weren't together very long. Your Mommy got pregnant by accident..and whoops...so they tried to make it work, but eventually Mommy found another boyfriend on line and got knocked up by him too... sorry kiddo. Even if I were to drop off the face of the earth, you need to know your Mommy and Daddy will not rekindle their short lived romance.

I feel for you.... I do.

************Ok.. I WOULD NEVER SEND THIS TO MY STEPSON...OR SAY IT TOO HIM... BUT SOMETIMES THESE ARE THE THINGS I WANT TO SAY**************

Abigail's picture

Submitted by Abigail on Tue, 07/14/2009 - 5:28pm

Dear Skids,

Your BM is crazy. While I am sorry for you about this, I am really upset that you and your Mother feel entitled to make me the scapegoat for everyhting that is wrong in her life. I was not the cause of their divorce. I met him 15 years after!

I am putting you on notice that I am not going to put up with it anymore. Although she encourages you to do this, do not come over any more asking us to buy expensive cars and European vacations. Your Father cannot afford it and since you treated me like dirt, don't expect me to fork over the money.

I have my own children who are adults that I prefer to spend time with. Spending money on you takes from them and frankly, your sense of entitlement makes me want to puke. My own daughters will soon marry and one day I will have grand children of my own. Ones who have not been victims of PAS and however sorry I am that you drew the short end of the deal in the Mother department, I am no longer going to allow you to rob me of my happiness with my own family and friends.

It is very sad. If your Father had not been so passive out of guilt and fear of retaliation from BM, maybe you wouldn't be so spoiled. If your Mother had not been so domineering and hateful, maybe you would have had a chance at a normal life. I have given up. I am tired and don't think you will ever appreciate the effort your Father and I have made with you.

It's okay with me if you like your Mother better. Just hit her up for money for your brand new car instead of us.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

bewitched's picture

Submitted by bewitched on Tue, 07/14/2009 - 6:18pm

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

To SD14

Dear SD14

I know all you ever really wanted was a "family", and my sorrow is that I could not accomplish that for you. I want to assure you that this divorce has absolutely nothing to do with you. You brought me joy, even when things weren't great between your Dad and myself. You will always be the daughter of my heart. I cherish the memories I have of the things you and I have done together over the past year.

Thank you for always being willing to help, always being true to yourself. Thank you for loving me, and allowing me to love you.

Anytime you need anything, if it's ok with your parents, you feel welcome to call me. I'll do whatever I can for you.

Love

Bewitched

SD18

I really hope you enjoyed playing the "evil stepmother" game on me, and with your father. Fortunately for me, I will not be around any longer for you to snub, for you to try and lord it over me.

You are not welcome in this house ever again. I've never been treated in such a foul, rude manner by someone coming into MY home, and never will be again.

Perhaps one day you'll decide to do a little soul searching, and I hope you feel ashamed of what you have done here, altho I doubt it. You've never been ashamed of anything you've ever done, even shoplifting or that horrid video you made.

If I could go back 14 months, I would never have done a thing for you. Never. And I never will again.

I really hope you're pleased with yourself. While the divorce is not entirely about you, you most definately played a huge part in it. Congratulations.

Bewitched

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 6:02am

WOW!!!!!!!
The emotions that i have just read through are really overwhelming and honest. Thank You!!

To my SS's:
I love you! I wish I had been your BM, I wish I could have held you and rocked you in my arms till you fell asleep just so I could watch you sleep!! I wish you would love me too!
I wish that I had always been the mother in your life and that you would understand that the things I do, I do because I love you and want the best for you.I want you to know that I am hurting because of how you treat me, with such disrespect and the hate you throw at me with your hurtful words and actions.
I know that your BM disrespects me and tells you lies about me, but that is only because she feels inadiquate, and is. She abandoned you when you were babies, and only wants you when it is conveinent! I know she loves you but she is not a good mother!
I just wish things had of been different and I could have been there for you when your BM left and I could have held you while you cried! Then maybe you wouldn't hate me soo much!