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Tit for Tat about kids expenses..A Rant

tradingplaces's picture

Submitted by tradingplaces on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 11:50am

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Blended Family Issues

I just need to vent for a second. I am so tired of my DH wanting everything to be financially "even" between his SD & my DD. To the point of defying all logic and rationale. I'm sorry, I don't think the money we spend on them should be exactly the same dollar amount when SD is only here 6 days a month, has another parent (an extremely wealthy one), and receives child support! Sorry DH..it's NOT the same. We are the only parents my DD has. I would never do anything to hurt my SD or make her feel left out, but buying things for our DD when my SD is not around and not having to "make it up" to SD should be allowed right?

My teen has worked extremely hard to maintain all A's in middle school - she asked if she did, would we purchase an iphone for her (she has an upgrade so the phone itself is free). DH has known this ALL.YEAR.LONG..so I'm ready to get the phone & suprise my DD when guess what?? DH suddenly says it's not appropriate to do that for one not the other..SD is in FIRST GRADE. So he says we should only do that for DD if we get a "big ticket" item for SD as well.

I know I could be wrong be about this particular situation. But jeez..this blended family stuff is exhausting and complicated.

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 12:00pm

That's not right at all. Kids need to learn that they have different rules, priveleges, etc and these are based on age, and behaviour - just to name a few.

I have 3 bios that are with us about 60% of the time. They've gone to private school since Pre-K and their school works with me and exH on tuition - exH does some work trade and I pay $550 total each month for all 3 kids. In addition to having a great job, I also get child support for my three kids.

We enrolled SS13 in the same private school this year. We pay $1100 each month for SS13 to attend. He is with us full time other than his EOWe visit with BM who pays zero child support nor does she contribute to any of his needs.

SS13 can't keep his grades up in school. We've paid for exrta curriculars for him, but he will jerk off in sports, or have a bad attitude to the point where DH and I are POed when we go to watch him because he is such an embarassment with his behavior or lack of participation.

Anyway, DH had the nerve to say that we spend "all this extra money" on my kids activites. And I'm like WTF! First of all, we are paying $700 MORE each month for your ONE child than we do for my THREE just to attend school. We don't even spent $700 TOTAL on extras for my kids each month. (clearly this is an issue for me, but I digress).

SS needs to focus on school before he gets extra activities. Heck, he has no time for extras because he can't get his hw done before 8 pm so it's not really even an option any more. SS also knows that this summer, instead of going to camps and playing sports like he did last summer, he'll be going to tutoring and summer school if those grades don't come up.

But my bios will be going to activities that they are interested in - because they've EARNED it.