Typical....I should have know it was to good to be true..
This past weekend a co-worker let me borrow her son to entertain SS so DH and I could get some alone time(see my post). Well this worked for about 2 hours before SS became bored with his new friend and proceeded to hang all over DH as normal. DH and I were in the middle of looking at houses on the intranet when SS comes over and lays on DH to get his attention. SS then goes on to complain that daddy dearest is not paying any attention to him and ask over and over again when DH would be done with me. Now I have alot of friends with kids SS's age(10) and NONE of their kids HANG all over their parents like SS does. This is something I would MAYBE expect from a 4 or 5 yr old but not a kid SS's age. Now I would think most kids SS age would rather hang out with kids his oun age than dad? SS clung to daddy dearest all weekend like he only gets to see him once a year. I felt bad for my friends kid,who was a angel,as he had to play by himself almost the whole weekend.
Wow I wish our BM would "punish" us like that..
Our BM makes sure she has SS call "daddy" expesially when DH and I go away on our once a year romantic vacation. Then SS calls NO LESS than 3 times a day which DH always welcomes total pain in the @ss!
Does DH find it "flattering" that SS drapes and clings on to his leg that I don't know but I find it wierd to say the least. I think DH is just the kind of person that lives for his son and lets SS think the world revolves around him. Now most of this I think is guilt from the divorce but from what I have heard from my in-laws DH was like this before the divorce too. The divorce just made it worse.
I don't think it is that
I don't think it is that unusual for a 10 year old to try to demand their parents attention. My own child who is about that age and lives with me full-time does try that when dh and I are relaxing or doing something together.
I just tell my child something along the lines of "I did _________ with you earlier, right now I am doing _________ with _____(insert my hubbys name"
That usually stops the hanging and attention getting behaviors for that instance.
I would just make sure that your hubby is spending time with his child so that he can say something like that next time to his child. Because children at that age should be able to play without their parents at times.
Plain old silly
These kids and this behavior. We went through this with Zippy16.5 when he was 13 yes, you heard correct, 13. DH said he did not "like" it when Zippy monopolized our time, space and conversations with his complete sillyness, clingly, baby behavior. It took me two years to get Zippy off his Father-
Daddy just did not know what to do and did not want to hurt Zippy's feelings (like Zippy would even Get it!)
If you can get your DH to firmly define some boundaries with his son consistently you may have a fighting chance-if not -welcome to the permanent baby club!
Zippy 16.5 has been babied and coddled beyond all recognition of what a teenager his level should be.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
BS11 and BD9 forget I exist
until it's time to eat. They would MUCH rather play with their friends, each other, a pine cone, anything but me. We still have family game night once every couple of weeks, and we spend time at the dinner table daily... but given their choice? They would never hang all over me if they had friends around. They love me very much and are always welcoming when I return from a week long trip (for example), but once the hugs, kisses, and I love you's have been dispensed, they're off to play with their buddies.
SD8 on the other hand, is like a boil that won't go away. Sometimes she's more painful than others, but she's ALWAYS there!
H and BM
have reinforced their umbilical cord with titanium lest a crack occur and reality seeps into their fantasty world.
LOL
A pine cone-I don't think Zippy16.5 knows what a pine cone is-
DH was miffed at me this weekend as I said-Zippy16.5 is ALWAYS here-every chance he gets he races home to video game-it's his number 1 priority-
DH was insulted-oh well.....
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
What disturbed me the most about this story
was that the friend was there! My BS11 would rather be eaten alive by a family of shrews than to give me a hug in front of one of his friends. He makes it a point to hug me before we leave the house when I take him to school so that no one will see him hug me goodbye. That's just how (most) boys are at this age. If my BS acted like 13 yo Zippy to his father, EH would send him sailing with a "what are you sucking up for?" and a look of disgust.
I know I'm describing a family that sounds like they hate each other, but quite the opposite. My kids are very loving and affectionate with one another and EH and I both. But there is a time and place for everything and pseudo-making-out with your parents in front of your friends is just odd to me!
Zippy doesn't know what he's missing. The kids and I have pine cone grenade wars in the back yard. Aren't we a clever bunch?!
You know that was always in the back of my mind..
I mean when I was a kid I was almost embarrassed just to be seen with my parents around kids my age. I use to beg my mom to let me walk to the bus stop alone rather than have her walk me.
Well not SS. When DH drops SS off at a kids b-day party SS hangs all over DH and begs him to stay!(It could be SS's best friend he still does this). Recently at a cub-scout event SS spent MAYBE the first 15 minutes playing/running with friends but that was it. Then SS came over to where DH and I were sitting in chairs. SS 1st tryed to push his way into my chair(there was plenty of chairs available but none right next daddy dearest). When I would not move he then sat on DH lap and wrapped his arms around DH's neck. This was done in full view of all his friends. After this SS would not leave DH side for more than a few minutes and with a room full of kids STILL whined for DH to play with him.
Part of the problem is DH..
When SS is acting all clingy/needy/demanding DH never tells him to stop and go find something to do. Most of the time DH just allows SS to climb/hang/sit on him. DH will sometimes say things like "just give me a minute buddy" or "hold on honey dads almost done". This is met with more whining/hanging from SS.
OMG I hear you on that one
"back from fellujah" 20 minute kissing and hugging session in the driveway when all 3 skids returned from visitation; or at any pick up or drop out."
This is how our pick/drop off goes
Pick-up-SS NEVER ready we sit for 5-10 minutes in BM's driveway. SS comes running out like the house is on fire "Dad!Dad! You have to come in to see such in such! Its always some bullshit thing I sware SS just does this to get DH in BM's house.
Drop off- SS has been with us for DAYS but as soon as we pull in BM's driveway theres something really important he has to show DH in his school bag.Then comes the kissing/hugging/hanging for 10 minutes.When we finally get SS out of the car as we are backing up SS runs after us yelling wait!wait! I want to show you how far I can throw baseball/football whatever. Then we we finally drive away you would think its over,right? WRONG!!! SS is calling on DH's cell phone. Now one would think enough is enough nope not DH he thinks its cute when I just want to scream LEAVE US ALONE!
I was watching Dr. Phil
Why do I do this to myself???
And the good Dr. said
Children of divorce are more clingy and need more attention from their Bioparents, this is perfectly natural they want to be told they are loved and held when they need it! They will tend to hang on to their Bioparents, fearing the loss of their parent to a new partner.
I was so glad DH was not watching this show with me-DH is SUPER sensitive to Zippy's feelings (or what he thinks are his feelings)-DH has actually told me he "feels sorry" for Zippy! :O Boy that's gonna help Zippy in the future!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
OH jesus!! I hope BM did not see this..
BM LOVES to bring things like this to DH's attention. My DH is also SUPER sensitive to SS's feelings the main reason we are in this mess to begin with.