Long rant and really need advice
A year ago we our based new cell phones for myself , my children and step children on a family plan. We made each kid sign a contract with us (myself and hubby) with a list of our rules. We decided to do this as it was cheaper then their pay as you go phones they had previously. We also cancelled house phone and so my 2 kids need to have phones for safety reasons. I bought all 4 kids phones to be fair and nice.
Back in Sept my SS had an additional charge of $300 on the phone for international texting and hubbies ex wife took SS side saying she didn't believe he did this and the phone must have been hacked. To give SS benefit of doubt I took cell in to have it checked out and scanned. The phone was never hacked and didn't have any viruses. The ex still said after that was done that she didn't believe us and that SS wasn't responsible for it. So I was stuck with the bill.
This weekend my SD came to our house and showed us this brand new iPhone her mom bought for her a few weeks ago (she was over a few times and his it from us). I now have a $250 cancellation fee for SD phone that I purchased for her. I really believe that the ex wife should pay for this but hubby won't say anything to her! She knew that we were locked in a contract and I know that she bought the phone for SD to buy her off as she was talking about moving in with us full time. My 2 children have followed our contract and the only additional expenses on their phones were ones that they had our permission for.
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Either the skids come up with
Either the skids come up with that money to pay you back.....or you deduct it from their gift allowance for every gift giving occasion until its paid off. No easter, birthday or Christmas gifts are bought until that money is accounted for. Just hand them a receipt for credit against their debt and a new current balance due at each gift time until they either pay it, or their balance works its way down to zero through lack of gifts.
^^^ THIS!!! Perfectly
^^^ THIS!!!
Perfectly reasonable!! Great idea!
I don't know. Is it the kids'
I don't know. Is it the kids' fault that BM pulled a power move?
I'm sure they're happy they did, but you can't fault them for it.
I agree. When it comes to
I agree. When it comes to the international charges on usage, I would agree with this method. But can you fault a kid for the contract fee if BM took it upon herself to buy them a new phone?
Different case if the skids ASKED BM for the new phone, knowing they had this other one already.
If I had an agreement with a
If I had an agreement with a teenager that I would pay for her to have a phone with conditions attached(as this poster did with a contract) I would certainly expect them to take responsibility to ditching the contract I had to sign to get them that phone in favor of a better offer. That's basic accountability.
SD made the choice to accept new phone and cast her other phone aside. She needs to face the real world consequences of that decision. Phones have contracts, and there are penalties when those contracts are broken. She enjoyed the benefits of that contract and now she needs to feel the sting of breaking that commitment.
Yeah, I'd love to send SD14 a
Yeah, I'd love to send SD14 a bill for the $120.00 I just had to pay to cancel her line....of course she's just like BM and it would be pointless as I'd never see a dime.. but it would be kind of fun just to be a turd stirrer. }:)
I'd figure out a way to work
I'd figure out a way to work the $120 fee into additional chores if she does any.
DH hasn't spoken to her since
DH hasn't spoken to her since last August... so that certainly wouldn't happen.
And when she lived with us for two months, she did nothing... I mean couldn't even pick her tampon applicators up off of her bedroom floor. Don't get me started...
LOVE THIS! Perfecto!
LOVE THIS! Perfecto!
If exw won't pay why isn't
If exw won't pay why isn't their dad? He's also the one should of paid for the 300$ charge. See if it starts hitting his pocket for HIS kids then maybe he will start holding them and his ex accountable.
If this were me, I'd take the
If this were me, I'd take the phone *I* bought SD away, cancel the line and send BM the $250 cancellation fee bill. Or you can drop the line (depending on your cell phone carrier) to a "dead" line to avoid the fee and they'll charge you like $10 per month till your contract runs out.
I did take the cell phone
I did take the cell phone back and I do want their BM to pay for this. There was 2 years left on the plan so in the long run its cheaper just to cancel! I would like to figure out a polite way of telling her that I expect reimbursement. She already gets a huge amount of support payments from my hubby and she likes to create drama over everything. I want the money back but don't want to create a huge issue for my hubby!
OMG.. been there done this
OMG.. been there done this crap! NEVER, NEVER, EVER put a child who does not live under your roof on your cell phone contract. Against my better judgement, I let DH bully me into putting SD and SS on MY cell phone contract. Nothing but a freaking nightmare!
Last year, SS13 went over his minutes one month to the tune of $400.00, of course BM "couldn't afford" to give us a fucking dime towards that cost. I quickly learned about usage controls and locked both of their phones minutes and data usage down... but of course THAT is an extra $10.00 fee every month.
Then when SD14 moved in with us last year, DH strongarmed me into getting her an IPhone. Again, I was pissed, put up a fight but eventually caved. HUGE ass mistake... 2 months later she moved back with BM, apparently tried to sell the IPhone, which got confiscated by Verizon to whoever she sold it to and returned to me... whatever, least of my worries, because of course a 2 year contract was signed. So after months of suspending the line, I just called Verizon yesterday and am paying the now $120.00 fee to cancel the line.
SS conftact is up in December and DH has already said he is going to take him off my contract and get him some other crap with internet and unlimited everything... fine, good, whatever, as long as I don't have to deal with it ever again. DH is perfectly clear now, that Skids will NEVER be on my contract again.. NEVER, EVER, EVER... did I say NEVER?????
Please, anybody reading this.... DON'T DO IT!
I had to cut DD15's cell
I had to cut DD15's cell phone off my plan because her father would take it away for MONTHS at a time if she got a bad grade or didn't follow a rule. Ok, fine, I get it - punishment is necessary, but I'm not paying $100 a month for her cell phone to sit in a locked drawer for three months on end. Especially since I already pay $500 in CS to him.
I cut her line off and that forced him to get her a cell, but of course, it was just a run-of-the-mill flip phone she can call or text on. He's so cheap!
Wow...I always hated the cell
Wow...I always hated the cell phone issues with SD, always a nightmare. I was doing the happy dance when she turned 18 and we told her if she wanted a phone she could pay for it herself. You're probably going to be stuck with the cancellation fee. Is BM paying for the new contract on the iPhone? If you get stuck with it, I'd see if your carrier would possibly allow you to change your current plan to include it. They may charge a fee to switch, but it might be less expensive than the cancellation fee.
I still find it amazing most of us survived our childhood and teenage years without cell phones or computers, lol.
I already put in a
I already put in a cancelation request... As for her keeping the phone, I am keeping it and going to give it to my son but change the phone card. As the phone he has is broken from a seizure he had a month ago (he landed on it and broke the screen). So SD phone will be used just not on her number! Besides its cheaper to cancel then to keep it. Running for 2 more years
she still has to pay to
she still has to pay to cancel the line.
Yea…I don’t think this is a
Yea…I don’t think this is a BM issue at all. Unless she specifically stated that she would pay overages on that phone, then she is not responsible for it. The responsibility is the skids and if they can’t/won’t pay, then it falls to your DH’s responsibility. Ultimately the responsibility is yours since it is on your plan. Get the money from SH.
Hopefully you learned a lesson here…no good deed goes unpunished. JK!
But really, don’t buy things for skids and expect BM to pay for any of it.
IMO, it isn't BM's
IMO, it isn't BM's responsibility to pay the cancellation fee for a phone she never agreed to having any responsibility for. What she knew or didn't know doesn't make her accountable for the choices you make.
If she decides to cancel the contract she has on SD's iphone, I can't imagine you'd see any logic in BM trying to hold your DH accountable for paying for it. :?
ETA: It's the fear & possibility of things like this that have kept DH & I from putting his kids on our cell phone plan.
While I agree with you guys
While I agree with you guys that "technically" BM does not have any respsonsibility to pay the cancellation fee for the cell phone, I think it would be the moral thing to do. I mean, anybody with half a brain, knows that all the cell phone companies work the same, so BM would know that if SD was on daisy's contract, that running out and buying her a new line/phone would screw daisy.
And I am willing to bet every penny in my bank account that if the roles were reversed, it would be WWIII and BM would be hounding DH for a portion or more likely ALL of the cancellation fee.
I agree... I don't think bm
I agree... I don't think bm has any responsibility to either fee. But I think both step kids do. Either daddy pays or they find a way to hold the kids accountable.
Exactly. It would be WWIII &
Exactly. It would be WWIII & BM would be hounding DH for the cancellation fee...because you & your DH wouldn't gladly accept the responsibility of paying the fee.
It will likely just have to be a difference in opinion, because I do not believe that, even morally, BM is accountable for a choice you & your DH made. She hasn't forced you to disconnect service.
IMO, it's a live & learn thing.
This should not even have to
This should not even have to be your fight. DH should pay for every penny his children have cost you. Then let DH fight the battle to recover from BM. I know, easier said than done.
Here's my 2 cents. Make DH pay for it or reimburse you. If he avoids this, deduct it from your share of expenses (someone on StepTalk suggested this to me). If you work as a stay at home mom, and don't get an actual paycheck for all the work you do, then stop doing your stay at home mom work as much as possible until you feel you have broken even. Make sure you have a stash of spending money though before you do this.
Your DH should be protecting you from BM problems, because they are not your problems. And in the future, as much as possible don't commingle funds. Keep separate accounts, etc. If your situation allows for it.
Me and my SO keep everything separate, and he knows I'll never take on financial risks for his son. It's all on him. But I do realize this way could cause conflict between you and DH. It's not something to take lightly.
I wish you the best of luck, so unfair!
I refused to supply my SSons
I refused to supply my SSons with cell phones even when they found out we had a good plan through work. I told them that cell phones are not important. But if they pay a month in advance I would get them phones. *Cue crickets chirping*
Needless to say even when OSS grades went in the toilet and he missed his first class every day for 8 months (out getting high with his friends) his mother STILL did not take his phone away. He needed it for emergencies... apparently. Like getting in touch with his dealer I suppose.
How easy it was when you were told when you would be picked up and you had to be there or walk home. I just know when something happens and cell phone coverage is wiped out for a few months some people will just not be able to function.