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Help Me Disengage with BM and Deal with DH's snoring

Step-Volgirl's picture

Submitted by Step-Volgirl on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 1:08am

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Help Me Disengage! I've been seeing "disengage" pop up in the forums and think, "wow...that sounds great!" How do I start?

Back story - DH and I began re-dating in 2010 (dated in 1999-2000, broke up because we were both way too young). We got married in summer 2012. BM and I were co-workers in 2000-2001-ish - neither of us were involved with DH. BM and I were polite as coworkers, occasionally socialized at work functions, but I've never liked her and was relieved when she quit.

Current Big Issue #1 - BM moved 300 miles away Sept. 2010 (courts allowed BM to take SD with her) to live with new boyfriend. Their marriage lasted from Aug - Oct. 2012. BM has moved back to original city and has introduced SD9 to new bf#1 over Christmas - they broke up NYE. BM introduced SD9 to new bf #2 on Jan. 12 and has had SD sleepover at bf#2's house last week. DH isn't saying anything. "Well it's her life. I can't say anything."

Current Big Issue #2 - DH recently changed jobs. He has to get up for work at 4 am, so he goes to bed at 8 pm. He's been snoring like a freight train every night this week. I haven't been able to sleep at all this week - getting maybe 4-5 hours. Saturday night, I got 2hrs of sleep before giving up at 5am. All week, I joked about getting ear plugs for me and the breath right strips for him but tonight we were at the store and I said that I needed to go to the pharmacy section to buy the ear plugs and nose strips. He replied, "I don't like the nose strips. They hurt my nose, especially since I have to wear glasses all day." Are you serious?!?! ok fine, so I grab ear plugs for myself. Both last night and tonight, I've taken a benedryl hoping to drug myself unconscious.....still not working....Right now, I'm on the other side our place (about 1050 sq ft) WITH the bedroom door closed, a fan in the bedroom on, AND the tv in the living room on and I can still hear him!! It's 2am and not looking like I can sleep any time soon......

Step-Volgirl's picture

Submitted by Step-Volgirl on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 1:10am

Side note - the couch is barely big enough for me and crazy lumpy = very uncomfortable.

StartingToLoose1t's picture

Submitted by StartingToLoose1t on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 1:15am

My DH and i sleep in different rooms for a very similar reason. Kicking not snoring. But your DH may have Sleep Apia, he should have a sleep study, there is a very simple night gard for his mouth that can help, if her is sever there is a mask. Snoring is caused by not getting enough oxygen while sleeping. Smile or a cold.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 2:26am

Here is something you may find useful: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html

Regarding the snoring - you may find that after a while you get so accustomed to it, it won't disturb you any more. My DH snores, but it only stops me sleeping if he starts before I go to sleep. With your DH having to go to bed early, this may be more of an issue. My daughter has worn ear plugs for years because her BF snores.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Mon, 01/21/2013 - 5:37am

Worth checking out the link Kes posted.

He can get it checked out to make sure he does not have Sleep Apnea. Both of our husbands have the same schedule with their new job. Been thinking its that he is not going into a deep sleep. I have heard more then once that you don't dream when you are snoring. Sometimes a cup of tea can be relaxing before he goes to bed.