Feeling suffocated
I need some advice if what I am feeling is incorrect and/or selfish.
I have been married to my new husband now for about 4 years. His two sons are currently 21 and 19 years old. They are over to our house on a daily basis. One comes, one leaves, they both come, and so forth and so on, etc. They don't "live" with us but they hang out at our house.
I feel suffocated. I never get a break from these 2 (what I consider "adult kids"). My husband LOVES the fact that they are around all the time. He in fact, he encourages it. If they are not over then he is CONSTANTLY checking in with them to see where they are at and/or what they are doing.
We make dinner and he calls them and says, boys, I just made a meatloaf, if you want any come and get it, for example.
One night my husband and I went out for dinner and the 21 year old called my husband's cell phone and said he couldn't find his debit card and needed $20. They kid showed up to the restaurant my husband and I were dining at to collect $20 from my husband. Auuuuugh!!!!!
Whenever I say ANYTHING at all about this topic my husband shuts me down and says that they are his kids, his responsiblity and that he LOVES them being around all the time.
Am I just not getting this that they are indeed his kids and that this is "normal" at this age??? Am I wrong in my feelings? Am I indeed being selfish???
Please be honest with me if this is what should be happening in our home.
I suspect that your husband
I suspect that your husband knows full well that his kids are most likely to find a girl soon enough and their attention will be diverted away from him forever. Rightfully so as a man should give his attention to his woman and not his parents once he becomes a man.
It could be a lot worse, in fact it may get worse. If one or both of them runs into financial problems they could be moving right back in and it's clear he will be welcoming them with open arms.
I agree with the others that your privacy needs to be respected and they should not treat your home as their own. At a bare minimum they should be knocking before coming in and not be hanging around before or after certain hours when you should be able to live in your home dressed as you please. I hope you can make your husband understand that you need some privacy in your own home and some ground rules can be set down.
Great advice above!!! Don't
Great advice above!!!
Don't think I could stay in the relationship if that were my case. I hope you can get through to your DH.
Actually, both boys have gfs.
Actually, both boys have gfs. The problem is, the 21 year old gf goes to school full time and has a waitress job in the eves/night. The 19 year old's gf also goes to school full-time and then also works. When I was their age, I agree, the last place I wanted to be was home with my parents. I don't get it. My husband though has "encouraged" it to a fault. I really think he has a problem with letting go and I've told him that but he interprets that statement with my implying that he should not love his boys. I've tried to explain that letting go and giving them their wings does not imply that he does not love them.
I secretly hope that my bkids
I secretly hope that my bkids will be like that (except of the $20 lol)- I would also like the fact that they enjoy spending time with us even though they are grown ups...however there must be rules because this is not only about a birthparent and the adult kids because you are also important and your privacy should be respected. As much the natural turning up or leaving seems ideal in their dads world, he should be considering your feelings and ask them to announce when they are coming and even sometimes say no like if you are out for dinner.