You are here

Treating former MIL like a BM?

amber3902's picture

So I'm thinking I might have to treat my exMIL the way some of you have to treat your DH's BM, as in the "no contact" rule.

When I was married to my daughter's father, me and my MIL did not get along. It got to the point that any communication about the kids (D14 and D7) had to go through my husband. When I got divorced I was so happy that I didn't have to deal with any of my ex's family any more.

Well, my daughters go to see their dad every Saturday and this past Saturday my ex tells me that his mom wants him to take D14 and D7 shopping so they can go spend their gift cards that they've mailed. I said that doesn't make sense, give them the gifts cards for Xmas and after xMas and after they've seen what they've gotten from everyone else then they can take the gift cards they've gotten and buy something. I said it doesn't make sense for them to buy something four days before xmas, and they may get something that someone else has already bought them. Not to mention the after xmas sales. So he like okay.

So the reason my exMIL mailed the gift cards is because she lives out of town. Then at the last minute she decides to come to town. She gets in town late Saturday night and my ex tells me she wants to see the girls Sunday. I said sorry, but I had already made plans for them to visit their god mother. If exMIL hadn't waited until the last minute to make a decision, I would have been glad for them to see their grandma, but people can't drop their plans just to accomidate her. Plus we already had scheduled time for the girls to see their dad and his family on xmas day, she would see them then.

Now today is xmas eve. I'm at work and my girls are at home. My ex calls and tells me his mom wants to see the girls today so he's picking them up from my place in an hour. (Okay, don't tell me, ask me, but I let that slide).

So then he says his mom wants to talk to me. She gets on the phone and says "When do you want the girls back, we had mailed the girls gift cards but they're not here yet so we wanted to take them shopping today. But with it being xmas eve the stores are going to be packed so it might take a while to take them shopping."

Now as I'm writing this I'm starting to realize why I'm so annoyed. I had already told my ex that the girls should wait until after xmas to use the gift cards. So then exMIL thinks maybe if she askes me herself the story will be different.

So I take a deep breath and say "Why don't you have the girls wait until the gift cards get here instead of taking them on xmas eve when it's all crowded? I have bought D14 a ton of clothes for xmas, so it's better for them to wait and see what they get for xmas so they don't go out and get the same thing. Plus there'll be plenty of after xmas sales."

She says "Oh yeah, that's a good idea, okay, we'll just wait till the gift cards get here and then we can take them shopping."

DUH

I am really annoyed that after I talked to my ex last Saturday, exMIL felt that she had to get on the phone and talk to me herself about it, like maybe she could change my mind. I also didn't feel comfortable discussing with her when they would bring the girls back, I feel that all those arrangements should only be discussed between me and my ex. Am I being petty? I don't want to be anal about this, but my exMIL and I have a history that's not good. I would much rather only deal with him and not his mother. I'm thinking I'm going to tell my ex again that I only want to talk to him about the kids. I think if I allow the exMIL to start being involved again it's going to lead to problems like it did before.

Comments

amber3902's picture

Thanks for your input. Yes, it is like the exMIL thinks she can just walk all over me.

I'm going to have to come up with something to say in response like you've suggested. Maybe something like "I'll discuss that with exH and he can let you know what we decide."