Would a therapist really say this?
Hi Everyone
I'm new to the site but already see a lot of good stuff here. My SD is 21 but has a learning disability and is a little set back. I've known her since she was 6 and my husband and I have been married with her living with us for 9 years now. She constantly lies to us. She's stolen from me and lied about it. Nothing major but when I tell her how disrespectful it is to constantly lie she tells you everything you want to hear and then goes back to the same way. It drives me crazy and now our 7 year old is lying.
I try to be a good mom to her - open discussions about everything, encouraging with school, help with job hunting etc. So I have this big sex talk with her because she's been dating someone for over a year and I stressed being safe and I'd get her to a doctor just so she would be prepared and it's ok, etc. etc. She just goes on and on that they're both not ready, he's a virgin too and they want to wait but she'd definitely tell me because we're so close. Anyway, all of that and then she goes to her grandparents while we go away for 4 days (she couldn't because she had to work but we wouldn't leave her in the house). Anyway she's acting very suspicious and when she goes out with her friend my husband finds 3 boxes of pregnancy tests (one open) in her suitcase. We confront her and she tries to tell us that she never had her clothes off but they rubbed against eachother and she thought she might get pregnant. I obviously don't believe a 21 year old on any level is that stupid.
We decided to punish her for lying and supposedly she went to see a counselor at school. She tells us this counselor told her to tell me as the SM I have no right to tell her to do or not do anything even though she lives in my house. Later my SD told me that her BM has been telling her that since we got married. Now would a counselor really say something like that? I've always been told I need to treat her like I would my BD. I can't see anyone telling her that and think she's just lying again.
I don't think a counsler
I don't think a counsler would tell her that. But that's my opinion. Could you possibly speak to the counsler and either explain your side and your concerns regarding her. He/she doesn't have to tell you what she said, because that would go against patient confidentiality but at least then he could hear your side and your DH if he goes with. Who knows maybe SD lied to the counsler as well..
Good Luck!!
Sounds to me like the SD is
Sounds to me like the SD is lying agian. I do not think a counselor would say what SD claims.
Anything is possible. I went
Anything is possible. I went to a counselor once and I could not believe what he was saying. So, I never went back to him. Just my two cents.
Anything is possible, true,
Anything is possible, true, but my SS13 has a history of lying and is also on the AS (so I believe) and with a certain level of learning disability. He can be very nice and tell you what you want to hear just to get you off his case so he can go back to what he really wants to do. Also, I have noticed that no-matter how open/close and parental you try to be with kids like this (bio or not) they have a big lack of remorse and so they don't think you should be getting upset in the first place, justifying their behavior to themselves even more.
I agree with Pat. People are
I agree with Pat. People are weird; what we think is common sense is foreign to others. It depends on the counselor. Maybe the counselor has kids living with the ex and the ex's SO and doesn't like when the SD/SM tells the kids what to do.
Counselors are people too and they can't all be unbiased.
I have to agree anything is
I have to agree anything is possible. When dh and I went to one she told me that when dh quit his job and went back to his other one so he couldn't have as much free time to talk to bm that it was a loving thing to do. I told her that if he hadn't done what he done in the first place he wouldn't have which jobs! I don;t understand that when someone does something that the councilor will try to shift to them being loving or shift the blame on someone else. I really didn't like her. I mean dh was the one that almost cheated not me but when he switched jobs it was a loving thing to do? So maybe she/he did say that. i would talk to that person and see what was said!
would probably be helpful if
would probably be helpful if you went to counselling together.
In my opinion it doesn't
In my opinion it doesn't matter what a counselor, her BM, or anybody else for that matter tells her. If she lives in YOUR (you&DH) house then it's YOUR rules! You and DH have the right to be involved in her life and set rules & boundaries no matter how old she is. Even if we had a friend living in our home they would have to live according to OUR rules & boundaries of the household. I would tell her that I don't care what the counselor & BM said. This is the way it is and it's not up for discussion. If she doesn't like it then she can find somewhere else to live.